Is It True?

When I was a kid and one of my sisters or I went to my dad with a complaint about a mean comment someone said about us, he always gave the same answer.

"Daaa-aad! Laurie said I'm ugly!"

"Is it true?"

"No."

"Well then don't let it bother you."

I don't know why we continued to go to him with similar complaints. It always went the same way: "Is it true? Well then don't let it bother you."

This principle sticks in my head any time I hear or perceive any kind of negative perceptions about me. It's made it easier for me to let insults roll off my back. Is it true? If not, then I don't let it bother me.

Of course, sometimes it is true. Those are the ones that sting the worst because it hits you right where you're most vulnerable. So if I ask myself, "Is it true?" and my answer is "yes" - it's time for another question. (This didn't come from my dad.)

The question is: Can I change it? If it's true and it's bothering me that someone said it, that means it's a trait I don't like about myself. And if I can work to change it, then I need to do so. And if I'm not willing to do so, I need to not let it bother me that someone said it. If it doesn't bug me enough to fix it, I need to move on.

And if it's true but I can't change it...well, then I need to remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That my frame was not hidden from God when he knit me together. If it's true, and not a sin issue that God can help me change, that means it's a basic aspect of the way God made me. To be insulted by a comment about the way God made me is insulting to God. So these are the times I need to learn to accept the traits I may not be thrilled God gave me, and trust that it is all part of the way he wanted me to be.

Here's a flow chart to visualize my chain of thought:

Insult comes

|

Is it true?

/      \

Yes          No

/                    \

Can I change it?   Don't let it bother me

/          \                                  

Yes           No                                  

/                         \                                   

With God's help, change               Accept that that's how God made me  

   /                                           \            

(let it bother me enough to change it)          (don't let it bother me)             

Outspoken

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my mouth and the things that come out of it. On the one hand, I've been convicted about some of the hurtful and unthoughtful things I've said. It's no secret I have strong opinions about pretty much everything, and I need to learn to keep them to myself sometimes. I'd like to get the perpetual taste of my foot out of my mouth.

But in the past couple of weeks, I've also gotten two compliments from co-workers (with whom I don't work particularly closely) about my outspokenness in meetings they've attended with me. One said she was amazed at the things I was willing to say to leadership—and that they were good things to say. The other said he thought I could be proud of how I am willing to speak up for the edification of all who are listening. High praises! How encouraging! I guess I don't need to just stop talking altogether.

So, I've been praying that I would learn to maintain the good parts of my outspoken nature but lose the foot-in-mouth ones. I've been reading through Psalm 40 verse-by-verse, and today I got to verse 9: "I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as you know, O Lord." I laughed out loud when I read that second part. God sure knows I don't seal my lips. (I recently attempted to do a day of semi-silence, speaking only when I needed to ask a question or something in order to get my work done, and when asked questions. I didn't do so well...)

Anyway...the first part of Psalm 40:9 really captured the person I want to be. A person who boldly proclaims what is right and helpful to those listening. Who isn't afraid to stand up and proclaim when I have wise things to proclaim. But also, a person who can seal my lips when what I have to proclaim doesn't have anything to do with righteousness. What I really need is the wisdom to know the difference.