My Church

I've been doing a lot of "church shopping" lately. I had some pretty tough criteria and couldn't quite find something to measure up. And I know that when I settle for a church that's not what I'm really looking for, I end up just sleeping in on Sunday.

A few weeks ago, I found a church that I already love. It's LifeBridge Church in Longmont and it's just what I was looking for! Here are some things I love about it:

Worship: Worship is a priority at LifeBridge. They don't skimp on songs at all. It's a nice long set of worship songs. And they pick very God-centered songs, not the me-centered ones, which I can only assume is intentional. Plus, they're not flashy with roving lights and fog machines, which I find distract me from worship. Since I really don't like sermons, worship is the most important aspect of the Sunday service for me...so this has been great.

Size: One of the things I wanted was a larger church. One, for more opportunities to connect and find the small group type things I'm looking for. And two, because I love the feeling of worshipping with a big group of people. LifeBridge has 4 weekend services and I'd say the auditorium holds about 1,000 people, so it's a good size church. BUT...sometimes you can get lost in large churches. Somehow, LifeBridge has the sense of community that feels more like a small church. It's a great balance. And with three Sunday services, I can make one trip and go to my adult class, serve in Sunday School, and go to the main church service.

Welcoming Environment: Some churches you go to, you feel like it's hard to even find someone to talk to about your questions. Other churches, you get swarmed by 15 people at once and it's overwhelming. At LifeBridge, there were plenty of people around for me to talk to, and they were very friendly and welcoming when I did...but no one bombarded me. I also went to an adult class and everyone was super nice and friendly. It was just the right level of genuine friendliness and not scary over-friendliness.

Communion: Communion is done weekly. That's not something I've seen often at non-liturgical churches, but it's the one thing I did prefer about liturgical churches. So I love that!

Sermons: As I said above, I don't like sermons. So what I like about them is that they're pretty short. Mostly because they pack in so much worship, there's not as much time left for the sermon. I also like that there's no fill-in-the-blank outline provided. I hate those - and I never use them. To me they make the sermon about listening for key words the preacher thinks are most important, rather than listening for how God is speaking to you through the sermon in the ways that are most important for your life. And the sermons are applicable, which is great.

Adult Classes: I mentioned above the class I went to. I only have gone once but it is just what I'm looking for - genuine discussion. Like - we got through 6 questions in an hour kind of discussion. You know it's a good question when it yields that kind of discussion. It was interesting, stimulating, made me think differently, and there were donuts. Donuts always help sway my vote. :)

Last night I also went to a new thing they're trying out for the summer, called Anchor. Anchor is for 18-30 year olds so I just barely made the cut. Anchor was great because it was not a singles' mixer, as many 20-something groups end up being at churches. No one checked me out - in fact there were several married women at my table. We worshiped a bunch (I told you that's a high value!), we had a short message, and then we had a follow-up discussion to the message that asked real, connecting questions. I knew when I walked in and saw round tables instead of rows of chairs, I was gonna like this. LifeBridge seems to get discussion and relationships in a way many churches don't.

Community: LifeBridge has "neighborhood pastors" - many of the pastors on staff are assigned to a section of the community - one of them is Loveland. So I'm working with my neighborhood pastor to get plugged into a small group here in town. Since the church is almost 30 minutes away, it's great that they have something for us northern folk - and that they're strategic about it. That's a little slower going as the Loveland neighborhood pastor just started in this area, so he's pulling everything together right now. But I'm confident, based on everything else I've experienced at LifeBridge, that I'll find something that's a great fit.

LifeBridge is also involved in the community with mentors for at-risk kids. And they have a foster and adoptive parents ministry. They have a ministry called "glocal" - focusing on both global and local outreach.

I love that there's this great balance of worship (connection to God), relationships (connection to other Christians), and service (connection to the world around us). I'm super excited to call it my church family!

Faith + Works

I attended a new-to-me church this weekend and I think it's just what I'm looking for. The pastor began a series on James and talked about how faith and works mesh together like gears to propel one forward. He talked about living out faith and how genuine faith results in good works.

And I kept thinking about this woman I'd seen in the Wal-Mart parking lot last Monday, standing with a cardboard sign that said "Help! I'm stranded!" And I'd driven on by.

Now I know that there are a lot of scammers today who just want to milk you for money. I heard of one guy who saw a beggar at his highway off-ramp every day on his way to work, and he'd give him some money. Finally, he stopped and offered the guy a low-level job at his company. When they got to the issue of payment, the man said, "I make way more than that standing on that off-ramp every day and I don't have to pay taxes on it." And he turned down the job.

And of course there's the stereotypical view that they'll just use the money to buy alcohol. A habit I don't want to foster.

But that being said, there are genuine people in need, and they shouldn't have to suffer because of the bad apples out there. So a while back I bought a few $10 McDonalds gift cards to have handy when I saw people in need. That way they could get a meal or a few warm cups of coffee on a cold day.

And yet, when I saw this woman in need, I drove on past her. My $10 gift cards remained in my purse, a tangible reminder of the so-called faith that remained tucked safely away behind my brand new dress. A faith not lived out is as useful as a pre-paid $10 gift card not given to someone in need.

Plus, I'm a newly trained victim's advocate for a local non-profit. And I keep thinking about this woman and wondering if maybe she was on the run from an abuser, and that's why she was stranded. If I'd stopped and talked to her, maybe I could've heard her story and called the agency to see if they could help. But instead I hurried about my business.

Upon hearing the sermon, I resolved to keep a special eye out this week for people in need, and be prepared to give out the first of my stash of gift cards. Lo-and-behold, not an hour after leaving church, I saw a man with a sign on that same Walmart parking lot corner. So I pulled over, got out of my car, and gave him a gift card. I told him to get a good meal, and went off with a "God bless you." It's not much, but it's something.

Maybe he's just playing people like me for the pity card. At least I know he can't buy alcohol with a McDonalds gift card. But I was glad God gave me the opportunity so quickly after that sermon to put my faith to action and to help someone get a meal.

Born to Write

I'm always fascinated to hear stories of how kids show their personalities at an early age, and how that connects to where they end up in life. And that includes my own reflections on childhood.

I didn't go to preschool; my mom helped each of us kids learn to read and write and such before we went off to kindergarten. And the thing I absolutely loved was my phonics workbook.

My sisters would get on the school bus in the morning and my mom didn't have any time to settle down before I would say, "Can we do phonics!?!? Can we do phonics!?!?" I was so eager to learn to read and write.

Now, I'm a writer and editor. I love thinking back on little 4-year old Ali begging to learn to read and write, and thinking about how God created me to do just what I do. He knew when he knit me together in my mother's womb that he was making me with a passion for words. He knew he was wiring me with a dose of creativity that he would use for his kingdom as I grew up to work for a Christian publishing company.

I didn't just fall into this job by coincidence. God created me with a specific purpose in mind, and that purpose was wired in me from early in my childhood. I couldn't wait to get started! It gives me goosebumps to think about how God has a purpose in mind for each of us and wires us to do just that.

Neighbors

Recently, I posted on Facebook that I started a spreadsheet to help me remember my neighbors' names. I've lived in this rental for almost 5 years now, and I've seen a lot of turnover in the adjoining townhomes. So I've had a hard time keeping track of everyone.

But recently I was thinking about the kind of neighbor I used to be. Back in Wisconsin, in my first apartment. Without any kind of spreadsheet and even after years have passed, I clearly remember many of my neighbors and their names. I've blogged about some of them before. But most recently, I was thinking about the way I treated those neighbors.

There was Page, a very shy little girl I invited to VBS at my church, where she blossomed. Her mom came to the closing event and was amazed at how much Page had come out of her shell. I don't know where Page is today, but I hope she remembers that week at VBS and how much she loved learning about Jesus.

There was Olivia, a 5th grader who was delighted when I gave her a children's Bible. I had many conversations with her and her mom, and I wonder: does Olivia still have that Bible? Does she read it? Is she seeking to know more about God today?

There was Emmanuel and Shoshanda, a brother and sister in a home of neglect and physical abuse that I never could prove to CPS. But I gave them what their parents didn't: attention, care, and love. When Emmanuel hit his head and his parents just yelled at him to finish the task they'd asked their 3-year old to do, I helped him get them their keys and then I hugged him until the tears stopped. I played hopscotch and jump rope with Shoshanda. And I wonder: did my influence in their lives give them a glimpse that not all people are mean? That there is hope and love in this world?

There was Tish, a single mom with 6 kids under the age of 8. Like me, Tish lived on the 2nd floor. But unlike me, she had two kids who couldn't walk and a third who could only barely crawl up the stairs. And since her oldest wasn't old enough to safely carry the others up the stairs, I would listen through my thin walls for the sound of Tish and her kids entering the building, and I'd go down to help her carry them all upstairs. When my ex and I got the dishes on our wedding registry, we gave her my old set and discovered she only had one small pot. So a week later when we unexpectedly got a gift card to Walmart, we used it to buy her a pot set, other kitchen utensils, and some toys for the kids. And I wonder: does Tish have a good support system now? Does she know that God loves her?

There was Jessica, whom I never met but often heard through my floor, fighting with her boyfriend. And after one particularly mean fight in which her boyfriend talked about how much hotter his ex was, I left a note on her door to let her know that she was beautiful and God loved her, and not to let anyone tell her otherwise.

There was the neighbor I saw getting shoved by a man, and I called the police. Later, I received a subpoena and helped put the man in jail for his assault. I only actually met that neighbor in the court's waiting area after I testified. But I'm glad I was able to help keep her safe from this man for at least a little bit.

I say these things not to brag about my good deeds, but out of conviction. What happened to me being that kind of neighbor? The one who saw the needs of those around her and stepped in to help? The one who reached out? Because in the five years I've been in Colorado, I've done hardly anything to help my neighbors. And maybe it's because my neighbors here don't have needs quite so obvious. And my walls aren't paper thin anymore so I can't hear the problems carry through them.

Or maybe it's because I've retreated inward, used my introvertedness as an excuse not to see or help when I see people around me hurting.

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

- Luke 10:36-37

May I be the kind of neighbor who shows mercy and compassion.

Kid Mistake #297

When I was growing up and one of my sisters or I did something only a kid would think is a good idea, my dad would give it an arbitrary "Kid Mistake" number.

One that popped into my head today was when my best friend Liz and I thought it would be fun to toss all my stuffed animals up into a tree. And while it was fun tossing them up there...I distinctly remember looking up at the high branches and thinking...now what? Kid Mistake #297 came to light.

The saying that hindsight is 20/20 is so true. Not just because you saw the results of your mistake, but because as you grow older and wiser, you're better at seeing "kid mistakes" like throwing stuffed animals into a tree—before you make the mistakes. Who but a kid would even think of that idea in the first place?

But it's not just kid-to-adult wisdom that comes. I think of who I was and the kinds of choice I made 5 years ago and I am a very different person now. I feel so much better equipped to make wise choices. But I know that 5 years from now, I'll look back at my 29-year old self and say, "Oh, I was such a child. Look at the dumb things I did."

I really love this trajectory of wisdom growth, because it gives me hope when I see my own foolishness. I know that I will learn and grow wiser in that area, if I rely on God to continue to fill me with his wisdom. By the grace of God, I've got nowhere to go but up.

Legacy

My grandmother (on my dad's side) is in her final days. I have mixed emotions as I reflect on it.

On the one hand, I'm sad because it's my Grandma...my own flesh and blood. A quarter of me is her. Without her, there wouldn't be a me. It's sad to think that I won't see her again.

On the other hand, she's lived a long and full life. She's in pain, and she lost her husband (my grandfather) over a decade ago. To think that she'll be freed from pain and reunited with Grandpa, her husband of 49 years before his passing, is a beautiful thought.

But mostly, I think of the legacy she leaves behind. To be honest, I didn't see her all that often and wasn't that close with her. But the impact her life has made is obvious. She and Grandpa had 9 kids and over 30 grandchildren, along with some great grandchildren so far, and I'm sure more to come. I can't even remember the names of all my cousins. Never could, even as a kid when there were fewer and I saw them more often.

Among her kids and grandkids are pastors, people who've gone on missions trips, and others, like myself, who are devoted to serving God in whatever capacity he's called them to. She didn't just have a lot of descendants—she passed on her faith to them. And they've continued to pass it on. Her life, even as it fades away, will live on through all these people touching more and more lives with God's love. The butterfly effect.

I have this image of her standing before God in heaven with Grandpa, with pictures surrounding them of all these faith-filled lives left in their legacy. That's what brings tears to my eyes. To think of the difference one person (or two) can make to leave their mark on this earth.

Now, I'm still firm in my desire not to have children. But I still want to leave that kind of legacy. And I believe that I can, thanks to this wonderful place God has called me to work. As I edit curriculum to help children, youth, and adults grow in their relationship with Jesus, I'm touching lives, too. Not in as personal a way, but in the way God has called me to.

I hope that when I'm the one about to stand before God, there will be many images of lives he's changed through my work, of a legacy of faith I've left behind.

"I want to leave a legacy 

How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?

Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?

I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy."

- Nichole Nordeman

Sacred Cow

I can't remember if I've blogged about this story before, but I just thought of it and felt like sharing it, because it shows the impact of a caring, selfless gesture.

It was 8th grade, and our class went on a field trip to the Boston Museum of Science. Which, as any good museum field trip does, ended in the gift shop.

At the time I was very into holstein cows. And there, in the gift shop, was a beanie baby cow. I thought it was so cute, and I really wanted it. But I didn't have any money. (My mom wasn't the type to give me money to spend in over-priced gift shops...)

There was this guy named C.J. in my class, a very nice guy who in high school went on to be a great class president and I'm sure is up to wonderful things now. He had $20 to spend, and he'd picked out a big glow-in-the-dark ball and one other item that together added up to $20. But when he saw my plight, he put back his glow-in-the-dark ball and spent some of his money to buy me the cow.

It wasn't a romantic gesture or anything. Just a nice thing from a friend who saw how much I wanted that cow.

C.J. could've bought that glow-in-the-dark ball and ignored my wants, and no one would've blamed him. It's not like I was starving and needed food. It was just a silly cow. But he selflessly disregarded his own wants to put me first.

Fifteen years later, I still have that cow. Would he have kept a giant ball all these years? Probably not. Fifteen years later, had he done the selfish thing, no one would've cared one way or the other. But he did the selfless thing—a rare decision for a middle school boy. And fifteen years later, I still think back on that incident often and am reminded to put others first. You never know what kind of lifelong impact you can make by buying someone a beanie baby cow.

Grace

I’ve always been a big fan of grace. Back when I thought I wanted kids, that was my girl’s name of choice.

I guess it’s because I need so much of it, and yet have such a hard time giving it to myself.

I’m a very goal-oriented person with a lot of lists and spreadsheets and plans. And lately I’ve learned to give myself a little grace in some of those areas. I like my house clean, but the world won’t end if I don’t vacuum one week. Especially if my floors don’t even look messy. And who cares if I don’t read as many books as I wanted to this year? If I stress myself out trying to do it—what have I really accomplished? Or, when my page-a-day puzzle calendar puzzle is more stressful than fun...who cares if I cheat a little? The point is that it's supposed to be fun.

The pendulum can swing too far—where you let things keep sliding and have no goals. I don’t think that’s a big risk for me, but I’m watchful of it. But if you’re feeling stressed about the long to-do list ahead of you—see which things you can cut out this week. Give yourself some grace.

Why?

About a year ago, I was put into a leadership position at my work. Which was a great honor and has been a great joy. But I’m young, and I have a lot to learn about leadership.

Peanut, inspiring pup that she is, taught me one lesson. I’d actually heard a couple much wiser leaders at work make comments to this effect before Peanut helped me learn it firsthand.

The point I’d heard was that in leadership, it’s important to understand why. For example, if someone asks for a deadline extension, understand why they want it. Is there an unrelated task they think they need to do before the deadline in question, and that task really doesn’t need to be done? Do they think there’s more due on that deadline than you’re expecting?

So here’s what Peanut did. It was the middle of the night, and I woke up to her whining. She was standing on the dresser. (She has a stool next to it so she can get up there to look out the window.) I told her to stop whining and get down. She kept whining. More and more insistently, I kept telling her to stop whining and come to bed. Finally, I woke up enough to realize she was whining because in the dark, she didn’t know how to jump on the stool and get down. The reason she was whining was because she couldn’t do the very thing I also wanted her to do! So I turned on a lamp and she got down.

A speaker at a leadership conference gave this example: two girls are fighting over an orange. The mom sees this, cuts the orange in half, and gives each girl a half. One girl throws out the peel and eats the orange. The other girl throws out the orange and uses the peel to bake something.

When we don’t understand why, waste happens. When we do understand why, we may be able to make everyone happy without even having to compromise.

Perspective

The story of Peter walking on water (Matthew 14:22-33) is one of my favorites, because every time I read it I see things in a different way. One thing that struck me recently was Peter’s focus and perspective.

When he gets out of the boat, it’s already windy. There’s already waves. But he walks confidently toward Jesus.

When he gets scared, it’s after he’d already started walking. He’d already seen what focusing on Jesus could do. But he lost perspective.

I’ve seen what Jesus can do in my life, too. But like Peter, sometimes I get distracted by the problems and fears surrounding me. And I need to remember that problems and nothing when I focus on Jesus.

He’s given me all the power I need. And he’s already shown me what can happen when I keep my perspective on the power, rather than the problems.