The Flip Side

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I grew up pretty sheltered from divorce. Sure, I had friends here and there with divorced parents, but within my own immediate and extended family, divorce was pretty rare. And even among my friends, I never had a friend whose parents got divorced during our friendship.

And because of this, I didn't really understand it. I figured anyone who got a divorce was probably sinning. I approached divorcees with judgment.

And so, faced with the decision of divorce in my own marriage, I wavered for a while. When we finally decided it was over, it had been a couple years of the idea coming up. One of the big things holding me back was my fear that others would judge me the same way I'd judged others. I couldn't stand to think that I'd fit into this "divorced" category. I didn't want that label, because I feared how others would view me.

Ultimately I decided it was between me and God, and if other people wanted to judge me, that was their problem. If I was clear with God, that was all that mattered. And that's what pushed me to make that decision.

Now I have a whole new view of divorce. Having been through it myself, I know that there's always more to it than people may be willing to share. And that's OK...there's no obligation to share it or prove to anyone that they're OK before God.

So lately I've found myself in a role I never quite envisioned: people going through divorce have been coming to me when they need someone to talk to. People I would've judged 5 or 6 years ago, I now have a heart to help. And I'm psyched about it. Of course I'm not psyched that others are going through a difficult phase of life, but I'm psyched that God is using my troubles to help me bring his comfort to others. I said from the beginning of this path that I wanted it to be something that would bring glory to God.

I'm working on starting a divorce support group at my church. I feel like I want to embrace this role and help others who are struggling through some of the same things I did. The logistics, the emotions, the fear of being labelled, the need for someone to talk to. I'm so thankful that God can use my brokenness to minister to others. It's an affirmation that he can take anything and turn it into good.

Impact

Tonight I spent a bunch of time reading reviews of My First Hands-On Bible on amazon.com and on various blogs. Which was super fun and encouraging, because I was the lead editor on this Bible.

As I worked on it, I prayed often for the writers. I usually pray about what I work on, but I used Scripture as the basis of my prayers for this project. After all, we were working on the Bible. God's Word! And I wanted to make sure the authors I was working with knew I was praying for them, so I sent out my prayers each week by e-mail, which I don't normally do. It was a humbling and honoring task for all involved. Several authors commented to me about that, too.

And so tonight, as I read and watched how this Bible is impacting real kids lives, I felt a whole range of great emotions. I felt proud when one blogger wrote that the people who developed the Bible know how to engage kids. Yay! I felt encouraged that so many people liked something I had worked hard on. I felt validated that my time had been well spent making something people spoke so highly of.

And the more I read, the more joy I felt. By the end I just had the hugest grin on my face.

Because by that point, I had moved from pride or even encouragement. It had finally clicked that these reviews showed me first hand how what I do touches kids' lives in ways I'll never fully know. I thought about the big picture of all that God is doing and was just honored that he let me be a part of it in the development of this Bible. I thought about how some people were saying their kids are falling in love with the Bible, and how this early impression can give them a lifelong thirst for God's Word. I thought about what they might grow up to be and do with the love of God's Word in their heart.

It's not about me or what I did. It's not about the whole team of people that worked on this or what we did. It's about being a small part of God's amazing work in kids' lives. It's about making an impact on this world without my name being attached to it. (I mean, who really reads the credits page?) And I realized that although there are a lot more reviews to read about this particular Bible than most of the things I work on, everything I do is a part of touching lives for Jesus. What an amazing job I have!

So how do I feel now? Honored. Privileged. Wowed that God can use a mess like me.