Settling In

This post has been percolating in my head since last Sunday. Since just hours after I wrote my post about seeing my neighbors through God's eyes. (I told you he still had work to do.)

Last Sunday I went for a walk with the pups. And when I came back, my new neighbor, one whom I've only been able to see as a caricature of this obnoxious irresponsible drunk, was sitting on her front step smoking.

So me and the pups went over to say hi. And then she and I had a 15-20 minute conversation about random small talk type stuff - the weather, where we'd grown up, etc. And I went into my house feeling like I was beginning to see her as an actual person. Not that anything in this conversation was deeply profound, it was just...a normal conversation. Which was what I needed to start to see her as a normal person.

And then later on, as I sat on my back porch quietly reading, my presence seemingly unknown to her, I got a glimpse into an area of pain in her life. And that's when I first started to see her through God's eyes. No longer a caricature, and not simply as a normal person, but as a normal person with real struggles and pain. A normal person who needed to know she was valuable and loved.

And in fact, I had something to offer her to help with this pain. And I don't mean a simple religious answer—I need to build a relationship with her to get there. I mean I knew of someone who might be able to help her. I tried to be non-invasive about it—she hadn't opened up her pain to me on purpose—but I gave her a pamphlet and said maybe it could help her. I realized as soon as I heard her pain that this was the way I was meant to speak up and use my powerful words this week.

You see how everything God's been teaching me is all tying together?

Fast forward to Tuesday. I went to Anchor, a 20-something group at my new church. The message was about Jeremiah 29. Which delighted me so much because one of my pet peeves is when people quote Jeremiah 29:11 all the time out of context. But this message was about Jeremiah 29. Contextually. Yay!

And as we talked about transition and about how the Judeans were supposed to treat their exile as a kind of permanent thing...a lightbulb went off. You see, the Judeans were supposed to settle into the land. They were supposed to build houses—not pitch tents. They were supposed to plant gardens, producing for the land that had been the land of their enemies. They were supposed to build meaningful relationships, not putting marriage on hold. And they were even supposed to seek the prosperity of this place that didn't feel like home, that they would've wanted to see as a temporary transition.

And that's when it hit me. I've been living here for 5 years, and based on my plans I'll be here for 3 more years while I save for a house. The whole time I've lived here I've felt like I'd live here until I can buy a house. I've recognized that this is what I hope will be my last rental home. But I've seen it as a temporary home. A step while I get my 20% down saved up. I've never really viewed it as a neighborhood to settle into for 8-ish years. A neighborhood to contribute to, to be an active part of, to seek the prosperity of. A place to build meaningful relationships. I've settled into my internal home with my stuff, but not the society of people around me.

You see, part of the problem with focusing on Jeremiah 29:11 is that it focuses on God's plans for the future. And hopefully for me, that includes home ownership. But when you focus on God's plans for the future all the time, you can miss out on God's plans for you right now. Right now, God has called me here to this rental. God has called me to dwell among the people here and embrace life here, however annoying my neighbors may be at times. And I've been too focused on my plans for a house to accept that. I've been viewing my neighbors (at least the annoying ones) as an obnoxious thing I have to put up with while I wait for life to get better.

Jeremiah 29 isn't primarily about God's plans for the future. It's about embracing God's plan for you right now and in the future. And it's about time I embrace life here on my street.

"Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. PRay to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." - Jer Bear 29:7

Planning a New Year

I entered 2012 full of hope and plans for what the year would hold for me. Dan had just moved out and I was optimistic about what my future would hold. And I had very specific plans in mind for my year.

Well, 2012 certainly did not disappoint in terms of my hopefulness and optimism, at least on a personal level. While the year was terrible for many friends who lost loved ones, and for my state as we faced numerous wildfires and the Aurora movie theater shooting, for me it was probably the best year of my life to date.

But the specific plans I had didn't come to pass the way I'd anticipated. I was so confident that these things would be a part of my 2012, when in fact God was ready to bless me in so many other ways.

2012 was a year of abundance. Tremendous healing and growth. Unparalleled closeness to God. A promotion. A facelift for my home. God's calling to new ministry areas. Looking back on the year, there's nothing in my life I'd change.

I enter 2013 a totally different person than I was a year ago. I'm so much more aware of who I am. I'm so much more aware of how to capitalize on my strengths and cope with my weaknesses. I've found the healing I was so hopeful 2012 would bring, and now I look forward with eager expectation to see what God will do with my repaired heart.

But unlike last year, I don't go in with specific plans. This year, my resolution is to simply wait and see what God is going to do—to take it as it comes whether or not I like it at the time. My resolution is to stop banking on my plans for my life—to not even make those plans. I trust his plans, and I know that all my planning doesn't amount to much anyway.

Over the summer God gave me these words: "Trust me" and "just wait." I want these words to be the theme of 2013. I want to trust God, rather than my own plans, and just wait to see what awesome things he'll do through me and with me.

It's Your Book Now

I've been reflecting on Psalm 139 lately. And when I came across one familiar verse, something struck me. The verse says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." And as a writer/editor, I thought, "Hey! God's a writer!" That's pretty cool.

Today I was thinking about this some more. I recently joined a book club and we read the first book of The Hunger Games. When we met to discuss it, some of the members said at least five times, "no spoilers!" to those who had read all three books.

I started to think about how often I wish there were spoilers for this book God has written called "Ali's Life." Unlike a real book, where we're sure that knowing the ending will the joy out of reading (or watching a sports game on DVR, or a movie, or The Bachelor), it seems like if we could just get a few spoilers in God's book, we'd have a lot less anxiety.

But as tempting as it would be to google spoilers for "Ali's Life" if they existed, I think it would have the same effect as googling spoilers for books and movies we're really excited about. It might eliminate some worry, but it would also take the joy out of the journey.

So I'll just have to trust that the Author of my life is worthy of an Oprah's Book Club sticker and take one page at a time.

Jeremiah 29:11

If there's one verse I can't stand to hear quoted, it's Jeremiah 29:11. You've heard it, I'm sure: "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Everyone loves it for its sentiment. It feels so happy, like Yay! God's got plans to make every day of my life amazing!

I can't stand it because it's so taken out of context. Jeremiah is, with perhaps this verse being the only exception, a depressing book condemning the people of Judah for their wicked ways. Just listen to some of the things God promises to do:

• Give their wives and fields to other people (8:10)
• Take away their harvest (8:13)
• Send venomous snakes to bite them (8:17)
• Bring distress so great the sound of wailing will be heard (9:19)
• Decrees disaster (11:17)
• Kill the young men by the sword and their children by famine (11:22 - specific to those plotting against Jeremiah)
• Send four kinds of destroyers: the sword to kill; dogs to drag away; birds of the air and beasts of the earth to devour and destroy (15:3)
• Give their carcasses as food to the birds and beasts (19:7)
• Summon enemies to conquer them, banishing the sounds of joy and gladness and making the whole country a wasteland (25:9-11)
• Make them serve King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon (chapter 27)

 It's a pretty bleak picture. And throughout a lot of these, particularly the latter prophecies, God says it will be 70 years of captivity. (Not the 2 years Hananiah predicts in chapter 28 - he later dies as punishment for his false prophecy.)

There are even some texts kind of similar to chapter 29. Like in 18:10 when he does mention good plans, but then says "if [a nation or kingdom] does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."

And then comes chapter 29. A letter to those exiled and in captivity in Babylon, basically telling them, "Settle in. Have kids. Build houses. It's going to be 70 years, as punishment for your evil deeds." Even if you only read 29:10 as context, you get a bigger picture: after the 70 years, God will be gracious and bring them back. Cue 29:11. He isn't saying he has amazing plans for each of their lives. Many of them will be dead in 70 years. Those that are alive will be very old and have spent most of their lives in captivity. He is saying that as a whole, he has good plans for his people once they have paid for their wickedness.

So when you see this verse on graduation cards, what you're really telling the graduate is: "You are a wicked, evil person who will spend three generations paying for your sins. But eventually, God will be gracious to you. So buck up, kiddo, and get used to suffering." When you write it on a get well card, what you're really saying is, "You are paying for your sins with this illness, and it will be a while before things get better." If that's the message you want to send, by all means, keep doing it. But if you want to send an uplifting message in these situations, I'd suggest a different verse.