First Place

As some of my recent blogs indicate, I've been feeling convicted recently about my sense of entitlement. Back around Easter time I blogged about an Easter egg hunt at work where each staff member got an egg. I hadn't known there was going to be any kind of Easter gift, so opening up my egg full of chocolates was a delightful surprise...until I discovered others got cash. Then that ugly part of me came out where I thought, "HEY! That's not fair! Why didn't I get cash?" All of a sudden this bonus candy I hadn't even been expecting wasn't enough. I wanted more.

And I've noticed that tends to be my problem. I'm perfectly content and grateful with what I have, until I see someone else with something better. And then I feel like it's not fair. Like I should get that thing, too. It happens over and over again.

I see myself pushing to be first. First out of my chair at the December staff meeting where we have a free-for-all over gift card categories. (I sat on the edge of a row so I could be first.) First to sign up for a sub-committee of our Community Service Awards team so I can get what I want. Even when I'm giving money to charity I'm selfish and entitled!

So yesterday as I drove to work, knowing we were having some kind of mystery Christmas outing, I prayed that God would help me to reflect his love and humility. I prayed that I wouldn't have that sense of entitlement. That if there was any kind of raffle or silly prizes, I wouldn't expect anything or covet anyone who won something better than me. I vowed to go last if there was anything good to line up for.

And what do you know, God was preparing my heart for a truly selfless outing. There was no "party" as such (though we did go to lunch after), no gifts, no raffle. We split up into teams and went to various non-profits to do charity work. My team went to sort clothes for Homeless Gear. And as I sorted clothes and thought about how even that thick warm blanket I just folded offered little protection on a bitter cold night, I felt a little bit of my entitlement chipping away. I am so blessed. My dogs have more clothes than some of these people. My dogs. How could I ever dare complain that someone else got an Easter egg with $10 in it?

Jesus said that he didn't come to be served, but to serve. The king of the universe came to serve. The king of the universe said if we really want to be first, we should make ourselves last.

So I'm going to try to keep my vow from Monday morning. When there's a cool bonus gift to line up for, I'm going to let others go first. Because I'd rather be first in the kingdom of heaven than get $10 in a plastic egg.

Entitled

I heard recently about some poor people coming to pick up their food baskets, and saying things like, "Oh no way, I'm not taking the one with that small turkey. I want the one with the big turkey!"

That made me really sad. It got me to thinking about how even America's "poor" are so rich compared to so many people in the rest of the world. Countries where there's no such thing as food pantries, soup kitchens, and holiday baskets. Countries where starving truly means there is no possible way to get any food.

I'm not saying that all poor people (or even all Americans) have an attitude like the people at this particular charitable event. But I do think it's an example of how entitled our country has become overall. And entitlement is the enemy of gratitude. Why be grateful for something you believe you deserve?

I read a story in Numbers 11 last week that I didn't remember reading before. In it, the Israelites complain and complain that all they get is manna, and that in Egypt they had meat, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic. Now all they have is manna and they want meat! Their attitude is full of entitlement and just general complaining. (Never mind the fact that they have food miraculously fall from heaven; that they don't have to do any work to obtain it.)

And here's what God says, "Now you'll have meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won't be for just a day or two, or five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it."

This, if you'll indulge my thought trail just a bit further, reminded me of the scene in Matilda where the kid sneaks a piece of chocolate cake, and the principal makes him eat the entire, giant chocolate cake in front of the whole school. Now in this particular movie, the principal is just really horrendously mean and we all root for the boy. But in the case of the Israelites, God was punishing their entitled, ungrateful attitude with such an overabundance they'd wish they'd never asked. They got their just desserts. (Ha ha, get it?)

Now, to bring this full circle...I was convicted by all these thoughts. I don't often say thank you to God. Sometimes I focus on the negative and don't pay much attention to the blessings. Like the poor people who wanted the bigger turkey, I'm always looking at how to get more - or at least the same amount - of the good things others around me receive.

Ultimately we're all beggars standing in line at the merciful throne of God, in need of his blessings and grace. How much more must he delight in a gracious attitude than an entitled one?

To conclude - a great and amusing reminder of all we've been blessed with: