Fear

In Exodus 32, the Israelites make a golden calf for an idol, even though God had just rescued them from Egypt and parted the Red Sea so they could escape the ensuing army.

And God gets mad.

He tells Moses the people are stiff-necked and he is going to destroy them. Moses pleads for God to spare them, and he does.

This anger makes total sense to me. They're worshipping an idol, unashamedly engaging in pagan practices even as God meets with their leader to create a covenant. Of course God would be angry. They've betrayed him.

Then I read Numbers 14. An almost identical scene—God gets mad and tells Moses he's going to destroy the Israelites. Moses pleads, and God relents.

Why did God get mad this time? Not because of an idol. Because of fear. The Israelites had sent a few spies into the Promised Land and gotten mixed reviews, so they decide it would be better to go back to Egypt. They decide to appoint a new leader, maybe even kill Moses, and head back.

It struck me as I read this that God got just as mad about the Israelites letting fear hold them back as he did about them worshipping an idol. In fact, fear is a form of idolatry. It's a way of saying, "Sure, God is powerful but this thing that I'm afraid of is more powerful."

The fact is, what God had for the Israelites was so much better than the alternative they wanted to go back to! They had so much more to fear heading back to Egypt than heading into the Promised Land. But Egypt was known—they could rely on themselves. Heading into the Promised Land was unknown, and they had to trust God to get them through it.

I've never worshipped a golden calf. But I have let fear keep me from doing what I know God has for me. I have chosen the path that seems easier, just because I know it and can trust in myself. And that hurts God just as much as worshipping a golden calf.

Covenant

This morning I reflected on this verse from Psalm 103, finishing the thought about who God's everlasting love is with: "with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey all his precepts."

The word covenant got the bulk of my attention. Because precepts, laws, commandments...these are all rule-based words. But covenant is so much more. Covenant is the reason we obey those precepts and laws and commandments.

God's covenant with the Israelites was simple: They will be my people, and I will be their God.

And yet they broke the covenant time and time again, turning to other gods and not acknowledging that they were his people and he was their God.

Today, we're under that covenant still, now sealed with the blood of Christ. And so as I reflected on this verse, I thought about what it means to be God's people and for him to be our God. And it seems that when the Israelites failed at this, it was because they'd given up faith in him and turned to other solutions. In their case, idols. But in my case, how often do I give in to my own manipulations, fears, and worries, failing to live by faith? Am I my own hindrance to keeping God's covenant?

But for all my shortcomings, I know that he is my God. And hearing this song on the way to church reminded me of that yet again.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is love
Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on his hands
My name is written on his heart
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

May I live a life worthy of the covenant graven into his hands and written on his heart.