Moms and Dads

Although I'm not a parent, one thing that really bugs me is seeing the way moms and dads are treated so differently. It's insulting to men and unfair to women.

A church I drive by had a sign up this week for Father's Day: "Honor your fathers. Fathers: Be honorable."

I reflected on whether a church would put up a parallel sign for Mother's Day. And I highly doubt it. A Mother's Day sign would be more apt to read: "Honor your mothers. Mothers are honorable."

You see the difference there? It's typically assumed on Mother's Day that moms are already doing a great job. But dads, they need to be admonished and taught to be better fathers.

And perhaps they do. No one is a perfect parent. It's the gap that bothers me. You see it in the media, too. On sitcoms fathers are always bumbling idiots who have no clue how to parent. If they're left alone with their children, chaos ensues because really, they can't be trusted. T-shirts are made for babies to wear that reflect a similar concept: only moms really know how to parent.

Around Mother's Day a video was circulating about a job posting for the world's hardest job. Its description included long hours, being at constant beck and call, having no bathroom breaks, and so on. Not surprisingly, the job turned out to be a mother (although the people in the video were shocked). But it outraged me that the job was mother, not parent. Dads don't work hard at parenting, too?

We emasculate fathers, we lecture them to do better and assume they really can't, but then we complain that many fathers are absent or partly absent from their kids lives. But why wouldn't they be? We've reduced their role to sperm-giver and babysitter. While the reality is that they're extremely important to raising a child, the message we send is that we really could do it better without them. So why should they stay?

I've been making perpetual calendars lately with squares for Father's Day and Mother's Day. I used a heart as the pictogram on both of them. Many might use a heart for moms and a tie for dads. But dads are so much more than suits making the money so moms can raise the kids right. I believe they should be equal to mothers in child rearing. That raising a child is best done in partnership. I believe good dads are represented by love just as good moms are.

Not only is this unequal treatment insulting to men, but it sets women in a light that has often made motherhood seem very unappealing to me. While dads can be people who have lives, a part of which is being a dad, moms are often seen solely in the role of a mother. That's an ugly flip side to this coin. Dads are idiots; moms have no life. Neither is a picture anyone wants to be.

There are certain roles in parenting that only women are physically equipped to do. But those represent a small and short-term portion of a child's life. This Father's Day, I'm celebrating all the dads I've seen who take an active role in their child's lives. The dads who aren't bumbling idiots who sometimes "babysit" their children. I'm celebrating real dads.

Identity

I can't remember if I've already blogged about this, but since I'm not sure I wanted to make sure I do it now.

In 2012, the main thing God did in my life was teach me who I am and re-shape my identity. I'd just gone through a divorce and was on my own again for the first time in 5 years. I was ready for a fresh start, ready to discover who I really was—a whole person, made in the image of Christ.

I spent most of that year reading just 8 or so different chapters of the Bible. Each day I'd read one or two verses and contemplate on what those verses said about who God is, and what that showed about who I am. I wanted my identity to be rooted in who God is, because I'm his child. It was a wonderful way to read the Bible, and I ended up memorizing much of what I read simply because I spent so much time immersed in just a few words.

Out of that time came this project. Each day I'd write on a mirror who I was and surround it with who God is.

It's hard for me to really put into words how 2012 changed me. But whenever I start to feel uncertain or worried, I head over to this mirror collage and read a few. And inevitably, it regrounds me and helps me remember that I have nothing to fear.

Sin & the Snooze Button

It starts with just nine minutes. Your alarm goes off and you think, I can hit snooze. It's just nine minutes. 

Then it goes off again, and you think the same thing. Like the proverbial frog in boiling water, you let nine minutes at a time fool you into thinking you're not that late. Until 45 minutes later you realize you've hit snooze 5 times and aren't going to be able to get that run in.

A couple days ago in the city I used to call home, two 12-year old girls plotted the murder of their friend and stabbed her 19 times. Thankfully, she survived. The two 12-year old girls have reportedly expressed little remorse even in the aftermath of this horrid event. They're looking at 60 years in prison. No high school, no college, no career, no husbands, no raising a family, no retirement party. Their futures are over before they ever started.

What does it take for a 12-year old to get to the point of trying to murder her friend? I think it's a series of snooze buttons. They didn't wake up suddenly one day after playing My Little Pony and think, "let's stab our friend." They gradually allowed darkness to creep into their lives through gruesome fictional stories. They gradually let themselves believe these stories weren't fiction. They gradually—over a series of half a year—plotted and planned this stabbing. One little advance at a time, they let Satan into their lives. One little advance at a time until they were at the point of attempted murder.

When the alarm bells start ringing, we can't ignore them. We can't hit snooze. We can't say it's only nine minutes. Because those alarm bells warn us that the more we ignore them, the more we'll head down a dark path toward sin.

"But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” - Genesis 4:7