Glitter

Yesterday when I was waiting in line at the airport, there was a family behind me with a very worrisome mom, dad, and two grown-up kids. There was also a younger boy, about 10 or 11, in this family. The parents and two grown-ups were worrying about everything imaginable. And then the little boy chimed in. To which one of his older brothers said, "YOU don't need to worry about anything."

And I thought, "How could he not worry? He probably doesn't know any differently."

OK. So maybe I shouldn't be making snap judgements about people I don't know. People are different when they travel. Grumpier. More impatient. More worrisome. Maybe they are perfectly pleasant people under non-travel conditions.

But the fact of the matter is, our attitudes do spread to those around us. Just like glitter. You can not open a Christmas card that has glitter on it and not find it all over yourself. As Demetri Martin says "Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." It is impossible to use glitter and not have it spread. (Which is why I hate glitter.)

And in much the same way, it seems to be impossible not to spread a bad attitude. Especially when travelling. Good attitudes can spread, too, although they're not nearly as contagious.

So the question is, what kind of attitude are you spreading? And how aware are you of the glitter all over your clothes and face when someone around you can't seem to find anything good to say?

How to Get Just the Right Number of Blog Views

I've been seeing a lot of how-to's lately about posting blogs, tweets, and Facebook statuses so that they'll get a lot of reads. There's info about the length, the frequency, the content, and more.

And I haven't applied any of it. Here's why. I blog to process things I've been thinking about. Yes, I enjoy when people post comments, and I watch my stats to see what's getting the most views, but that doesn't mean I'm going to change the way I blog to get more views. Then blogging wouldn't be fun anymore. I post on Facebook to express myself and what's important to me. If you don't care about my dogs, then don't read my status updates. That's fine. I like to post the cute things they do because it's important to me.

So, if you blog, tweet, or Facebook for the simple joy of having a place to be YOU, here's MY how-to article: How to get just the right number of blog views. As in...whatever number it happens to be...1 or 1,000. Even if that 1 is you.

Write about what you want to write about. It's your blog/Twitter/Facebook page. Do what you want to do.

Don't make apologies. Or do. It's your space, you can post to it however you want. Don't feel the need to start off your blog with an apology if you haven't written in a week or two. It's really OK. You know why? Because it's YOUR BLOG. Then again, you can apologize if you want to. If that floats your boat, do it. It's your blog. Don't let me tell you what not to write.

Don't worry about what other people think. I wouldn't go around insulting people or whining about your place of employment (they may just see it), but short of that, let go of trying to impress people. if you're posting for your own fulfillment, express yourself, your opinions, and your life however you want. So what if people disagree? It's not their blog.

Know the purpose of your blog. Is it just random musings like mine? A chronicle of your child's development? A record of different recipes or craft ideas you've tried? A mix of all of the above, and anything else that's in your head? As long as the purpose isn't to market a business or make money, keep on doing what you're doing. (And if it is for marketing or money-making, then read one of the many other how-to articles I don't care about.)

Don't follow the rules. Want to post 10 blogs in one day? Go for it. A blog every month? Up to you. Want to post 20 Facebook statuses in a row that are all different nicknames you call your dog? That's fine. You might not earn a lot of likes or comments, but who cares? If you've shared something you want to share, that's great!

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think personal social media needs to be about marketing yourself. I think it's about expressing yourself in a way you might not be able to do in real life settings. Because in real life you need to have conversations, let others have input, and maybe not list 20 nicknames for your dog. But online, you can just proclaim who you are. So do it.

First Place

As some of my recent blogs indicate, I've been feeling convicted recently about my sense of entitlement. Back around Easter time I blogged about an Easter egg hunt at work where each staff member got an egg. I hadn't known there was going to be any kind of Easter gift, so opening up my egg full of chocolates was a delightful surprise...until I discovered others got cash. Then that ugly part of me came out where I thought, "HEY! That's not fair! Why didn't I get cash?" All of a sudden this bonus candy I hadn't even been expecting wasn't enough. I wanted more.

And I've noticed that tends to be my problem. I'm perfectly content and grateful with what I have, until I see someone else with something better. And then I feel like it's not fair. Like I should get that thing, too. It happens over and over again.

I see myself pushing to be first. First out of my chair at the December staff meeting where we have a free-for-all over gift card categories. (I sat on the edge of a row so I could be first.) First to sign up for a sub-committee of our Community Service Awards team so I can get what I want. Even when I'm giving money to charity I'm selfish and entitled!

So yesterday as I drove to work, knowing we were having some kind of mystery Christmas outing, I prayed that God would help me to reflect his love and humility. I prayed that I wouldn't have that sense of entitlement. That if there was any kind of raffle or silly prizes, I wouldn't expect anything or covet anyone who won something better than me. I vowed to go last if there was anything good to line up for.

And what do you know, God was preparing my heart for a truly selfless outing. There was no "party" as such (though we did go to lunch after), no gifts, no raffle. We split up into teams and went to various non-profits to do charity work. My team went to sort clothes for Homeless Gear. And as I sorted clothes and thought about how even that thick warm blanket I just folded offered little protection on a bitter cold night, I felt a little bit of my entitlement chipping away. I am so blessed. My dogs have more clothes than some of these people. My dogs. How could I ever dare complain that someone else got an Easter egg with $10 in it?

Jesus said that he didn't come to be served, but to serve. The king of the universe came to serve. The king of the universe said if we really want to be first, we should make ourselves last.

So I'm going to try to keep my vow from Monday morning. When there's a cool bonus gift to line up for, I'm going to let others go first. Because I'd rather be first in the kingdom of heaven than get $10 in a plastic egg.

Come Define Me

"I'm an already but not yet resurrected fallen man
Come break this limbo.

I know you know just who I've been,

Come define me."

- Switchfoot

We all define ourselves some way. And I've been realizing lately that I define myself a lot more by other people than by God. I struggle with feeling whether or not people really care about me. Not strangers or acquaintances, but people I care about. Am I worth their time? Do they see me as "worth it"? Do they see past my masks to the person I am on the inside - and do they like what they see?

It's not a new thing. I'm realizing I've let guys define me for a long time. And friendships. And my job. It goes back quite far, actually. In the summer before 6th grade I made a survey to ask people whether or not they liked me, and why. And I made adjustments accordingly. Talk about letting people define you!

And even when the opinions are good, like when I've gotten some encouragement at work this week, it's not good to let those things define me.

But when I read verses like "he is slow to anger, abounding in love," my heart skips a beat. Or "I will never leave you." I leap a little inside. Even if everyone in my life abandons me, God won't. He just won't. Even if everyone in my life is angry with me, God's love abounds. No matter what other people think of me, God thinks I'm worth it. He sees past all my masks and thinks I'm beautiful. That's what I want to define me.

"I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough

I want to be worthy of love, and beautiful."

- Bethany Dillon

Overcome

Sometimes I have days where I feel so overcome by the brokenness of the world that I don't even want to get out of bed. And not even in a noble way, like about the starving kids in Africa or human trafficking in the middle east. I mean the brokenness that directly impacts me. Hurtful words and thoughts directed toward me. Gossip. Judgment. And the brokenness within me. Hurtful words and thoughts I have directed towards others. Dumb, little things I've done that I can't undo. And the losses this world brings. All these things sometimes strike me all at once in a way that paralyze my day.

I had such a day yesterday. And then this morning I read this verse: "For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith" (1 John 5:4).

I knew Jesus said he'd overcome the world. But that didn't mean it didn't still feel like it was overcoming me. But I hadn't put this verse to memory, and it took me by surprise. I've overcome the world? Even on the days when I feel overcome by it? I have victory through faith?

I don't know if this verse will be enough for me to overcome today. But I'm gonna try, one step of faith at a time.

Happy Holidays

I'm tired of hearing Christians whine year after year about how some stores won't say Merry Christmas, and radio stations don't play enough Jesus-related Christmas music.

When did we ever get the idea that America was supposed to cater to our faith? There are countries where people can't even type "Jesus" in an email, and yet our freedom to worship as we choose here isn't enough to make us grateful. We think have to have the entire country celebrate it our way, too.

People say this was a Christian country, and we've gotten away from that. Is my Rhode Island education that bad, or did the colonists NOT come here for religious freedom? Because I'm pretty sure that from the get-go freedom of religion was at least the idea our country was founded on. (Now in practice, that wasn't necessarily the case - like when they put people in stocks for not going to church...) Sure, Christian morals came into play in defining the laws that govern our country. But I don't think our founding fathers would be upset to see that America is a place where people are free to follow whatever form of religion they desire. And if they would be upset, they are hypocrites.

We have an entire month (and then some) of radio stations playing songs about Jesus. No, not all the songs are about Jesus. But the fact that any are is amazing. When was the last time you heard a Hanukkah, Kwanza, or Ramadan song playing on the radio? Secularized or not? But who do you hear whining? Not the Jews, not the Africans, not the Muslims...the Christians. The ones who pretty much own the December airwaves.

Since when does your ability to worship Jesus at Christmas depend on a cashier at Target saying "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays"? (And by the way, holidays comes from "holy days," so it is recognizing Christmas. It's just not recognizing Christmas exclusively.) Since when is your ability to celebrate impeded by someone calling their tree a "holiday tree"?

People in other countries die for their faith. And we complain about Santa songs infringing on our Christianity. Meanwhile, how often do we take advantage of the privileges we do have? To open our Bibles and read them any time we want? To tell other people why we celebrate Christmas? I know I don't do it as often as I ought.

Shame on us spoiled, self-centered American Christians.

Dreams Come True

In college I drove a white 1992 LeBaron. It was a total grandma car. And the hood latch was broken, so if I had to open the hood to check my oil I either needed a friend to hold the latch while I pulled the lever, or I needed to get the long stick out of my trunk, prop it just right under the latch, then pull the lever. I looked cool.

During my internship, the father of the family I was living with asked me: "What's your dream car?"

Without even pausing I said, "A '92 LeBaron."

OK, so I was kinda kidding. But kind of not. It had been a blessing that I'd gotten a car to drive out to Wisconsin for my internship, and I was thankful I had it.

I'd like to have that kind of attitude about everything God has given me. Rather than dreaming of what could be, I'd like to consider each blessing from God a dream come true. My dream home? A cheap town home to rent. (Truly though, I think my town home is great!)

I think constantly dreaming about bigger and better things leads to a life of discontent. You never have enough. But if you consider what you have to be a dream come true, whether it's a '92 LeBaron with a broken hood latch or not, you'll be happier.

Leadership

I recently got a promotion at work and am now a team leader. It's short of supervisor, but I help manage workflow and schedules for the assistant editors. It's my first "official" leadership position in the workplace, and I've been thinking about what kind of leader I want to be.

Then I read Joshua 3, where Joshua leads the Israelites across the Jordan River. And I noticed something I'd never noticed before. Before they cross, God says this to Joshua: "Today I will begin to make you a great leader in the eyes of all the Israelites. They will know that I am with you, just as I was with Moses" (Joshua 3:7).

And after they cross, the account is summed up in Joshua 4:14: "That day the Lord made Joshua a great leader in the eyes of the Israelites, and for the rest of his life they revered him as much as they revered Moses." (To which I thought - well, that's not saying much - they didn't revere Moses all that well...)

But revering aside, the Bible says that this event was the defining moment of Joshua's leadership. It had nothing to do with reading management books. His leadership was defined through his faith, when he allowed God to do something amazing through him. And his leadership was defined even though he gave all the credit to God.

That's the kind of leader I want to be.

Words

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." - James 3:9-10

I admit, this verse convicts me every time. I've been known to say a few mean things - sometimes in jest, sometimes not. To people's faces, behind people's backs. This time I read the verse, it reminded me of when one of my dogs tries to lick me shortly after vomiting or snacking on a morsel from the backyard (though thankfully they've gotten over that habit). There is no way I want that mouth showering me with kisses.

And it makes me really sad to think God might have the same reactions to my praises when I've been puking up mean words to people made in his image.

Sometimes there seems to be no redeemable thing about people. Sometimes you like them perfectly well, but they're just fun to make fun of. But the bottom line is, God made all people in his image. All of them. I'd never go to someone's house and, upon eating their home cooked meal, start talking about how disgusting it is. Even if it is disgusting. I'd try to be polite. After all, they worked hard creating that food.

But I do that so often with God. Right in front of him (since he's always there), I criticize his workmanship. Then go on to praise him with the mouth that still reeks of vomit.

So this is my resolution: to speak only kind words to/about people, so that my praise is as sweet as the clean-mouthed puppy kisses I love so much.

Entitled

I heard recently about some poor people coming to pick up their food baskets, and saying things like, "Oh no way, I'm not taking the one with that small turkey. I want the one with the big turkey!"

That made me really sad. It got me to thinking about how even America's "poor" are so rich compared to so many people in the rest of the world. Countries where there's no such thing as food pantries, soup kitchens, and holiday baskets. Countries where starving truly means there is no possible way to get any food.

I'm not saying that all poor people (or even all Americans) have an attitude like the people at this particular charitable event. But I do think it's an example of how entitled our country has become overall. And entitlement is the enemy of gratitude. Why be grateful for something you believe you deserve?

I read a story in Numbers 11 last week that I didn't remember reading before. In it, the Israelites complain and complain that all they get is manna, and that in Egypt they had meat, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic. Now all they have is manna and they want meat! Their attitude is full of entitlement and just general complaining. (Never mind the fact that they have food miraculously fall from heaven; that they don't have to do any work to obtain it.)

And here's what God says, "Now you'll have meat, and you will have to eat it. And it won't be for just a day or two, or five or ten or even twenty. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it."

This, if you'll indulge my thought trail just a bit further, reminded me of the scene in Matilda where the kid sneaks a piece of chocolate cake, and the principal makes him eat the entire, giant chocolate cake in front of the whole school. Now in this particular movie, the principal is just really horrendously mean and we all root for the boy. But in the case of the Israelites, God was punishing their entitled, ungrateful attitude with such an overabundance they'd wish they'd never asked. They got their just desserts. (Ha ha, get it?)

Now, to bring this full circle...I was convicted by all these thoughts. I don't often say thank you to God. Sometimes I focus on the negative and don't pay much attention to the blessings. Like the poor people who wanted the bigger turkey, I'm always looking at how to get more - or at least the same amount - of the good things others around me receive.

Ultimately we're all beggars standing in line at the merciful throne of God, in need of his blessings and grace. How much more must he delight in a gracious attitude than an entitled one?

To conclude - a great and amusing reminder of all we've been blessed with:

The Lord Is There

I'm working on reading the Bible all the way through for the second time. I'm using the one-year plan from God Sightings, put out by Group and Tyndale, although it's become the two-year plan for me. At any rate, I'll be done by the end of the year.

This morning I finished Ezekiel, which put me in mind of the first time I read the Bible all the way through. I was in high school when I finished, and at that point I wasn't following any plan. I was just reading a chapter a day, reading the books in no particular order and checking them off when I finished. I just decided on a whim which book to read next. And so it happened that the last book I read was Ezekiel. And the last words of Ezekiel are the new name for God's holy city, written as "The Lord Is There" in English (NIV).

I remember being really struck that those were the last words I read before I could say I'd read the Bible cover to cover. It seemed almost like a summary to me of the whole Bible. No matter what sinful things were going on, what chaos ensued, the theme of the Bible was that God's presence was there. Dwelling in the Temple. Filling his holy city. Feeling the pain of rejection as his people turned to idols. Sending his own Son to provide a way he could be intimately present in our life.

The Lord is there in your life. No matter how you've messed up, or how messed up your life seems. He's with you. His Word is evidence of how he longs to speak into your life. His sacrifice of his own Son is evidence of how he longs to be present with you for all eternity.

Are you lonely? Are you hopeless? Are you running on empty?

The Lord is there.

There's Always Tomorrow

I've noticed throughout the course of my life that there always seems to be a better time later to set self-improvement goals. New Year's of course, is a big one. So I think of a habit I want to form or break around this time of year, and I think, "I'll do that in 2012. That's a good time to change."

But there've been other times, too. When I graduate high school. When I get to college. When I get through mid-terms. When the semester ends. When I graduate college. When I get through this big project. When I move. And on and on it goes.

It struck me the other day that there's always an excuse to put off becoming who God wants you to be and becoming a more whole person. Until the day comes when there is no tomorrow, and you realize with each extension you made to your goals of self-improvement, you've never changed.

I'm not saying there's no grace for busy times. But if you, like me, find yourself putting off desires to improves yourself for another day, join me in saying: Today is the day I will become who God wants me to be.

* On an ironic note, I decided to write this blog on Tuesday. Hey, it's a work in progress...

Do Something

I'm reading James right now. It's challenging because it's very much about faith in action. It puts it pretty simply: "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says" (James 1:22). I prefer to just think about God and blog about faith. But actually helping the orphans and widows? That takes a lot more effort.

I've also been thinking about a missions trip I went on in high school. I went with my youth group, and one of the nice things was that I needed community service hours for a class I was taking in school, so I got to use those hours. But I needed photos of me there.

During the day we dug ditches and painted houses and such. And in the evenings we helped run a VBS for the kids on the Apache reservation we were staying at. I remember the first night of VBS, I was awkwardly talking to a kid here and there, but mostly just watching what was going on, taking some pictures of my own, and worrying because the youth pastor wasn't taking any pictures of me, even though he knew I needed them for school. I was pretty pre-occupied with the fact that I needed photo evidence, so I was watching and waiting for him to take some pictures.

Finally I said to him, "Rick, why aren't you taking pictures of me?"

He responded, "You gotta get out there and do something worth taking pictures of!"

That's when I realized I was so focused on getting credit for serving that I wasn't actually serving. So I jumped in and helped with the crafts. And I chased some kids around. And you know what? Rick took some pictures once I started actually serving. And I didn't even notice him taking them.

I think this is a great picture of the way humans tend to behave. We want credit. We want glory. So we talk a good game about our faith, or about our efforts, but what we're really doing is sitting on the sidelines waiting for the credit. Real faith happens when we get out there and do something worth taking pictures of - credit or not.

Tithing

One thing I'm thankful my parents did is teach me to budget. Like, early on. I'm talking around 5 or 6 when I started getting an allowance. And I put my 10 cents in tithe, 10 cents in savings, and so on. And as the years went on and my allowance grew, I kept on putting 10 percent in tithe.

The number 10 percent is generally the target number people who tithe aim for. It's based on Abraham's offering in Genesis 14, and on Deuteronomy 14:22 where the Israelites are told to set aside a tenth of their crops as a tithe. But the tithe in Deuteronomy wasn't like a charitable donation - it was an amount set aside to eat in the presence of the Lord as an act of worship. You actually consumed this tithe. Only every three years, the tithe was used to feed the poor.

But let's not forget the other offerings discussed in Leviticus - burnt offerings, grain offerings, fellowship offerings - these were given as an act of worship to God. These were not eaten, but rather burned as an offering. They were given freely, no specified amount. On top of your 10%.

Then there were the random collections, like when they were building or repairing the Tabernacle/Temple, where people just brought what they had to build the house of the Lord. On top of their 10% and offerings.

In the New Testament, there are people who give fields or other such things in Acts to help share the wealth with the body of believers in their church.

Then there's the Jerusalem Fund, a collection taken among many of the churches Paul visited, to help the poorer churches.

And let's not forget the most compelling example of giving - the widow who gives less than the rich men, but is applauded by Jesus himself for giving out of her poverty and putting in all she had to live on. This act of faith was an amazing thing.

So really, the things we consider using tithe money for - helping our church or other churches with ministry, building funds for churches, or giving as an act of worship - these were not specified amounts. What mattered was your heart. Whether it was giving 10%, like Abraham did, or 100% like the widow, or less or somewhere in between, a gift cheerfully given is a great gift. And I believe God blesses us when we give to him in faith.

I also believe it is OK to use tithe money to fund your own missions trip. If you would give money to missionaries, why not give both money and time to missions work? If you can fund your own missions trip, you're freeing up would-be donators to give to other things.

Idolatry

I haven't been posting very regularly lately. I've had a lot on my mind, things I don't want to blog about (at least not yet), and as a result it's been hard for me to think of things I am willing to blog about.

But one thing that occurred to me recently was on the topic of idolatry. So, the 10 Commandments say two things about worshipping false gods. 1) Don't have any other gods. 2) Don't make an idol or other image and bow down in worship to it.

The two often get equated in today's culture. We talk about how things like money or fame or video games are "idols." And I don't really buy that definition. I think they can definitely be false gods and fall into the first rule, if you let them consume you. But idols seem to be unequivocally statues or other images that people bow down to. And I can't think of anything that fits into that category that Christians do today.

This is the reason the Church got rid of all Christian paintings and statues at one point. Though I think that's overkill. If an idol is an object of worship, a simple painting is probably not an idol.

These are just my random musings, nothing based on scholarly research or intense exegesis of the original Hebrew or anything. And I'm not saying that means we should put things before God - that's clearly a no-no from rule 1. But I do wonder if we use the term "idol" too loosely as Christians.

Thoughts?

Trick-or-Treat

I'm going to take this blog to post a Halloween rant. I like Halloween. I think it's a fun holiday. I like candy, I like dressing up my dogs, I like giving out candy to trick-or-treaters. So I was disappointed to only have my doorbell rung 3 times, for a total of 6 trick-or-treaters. And the first set went like this:

*ding dong*
Un-costumed kids: "Do you got any candy?"
Me, thinking they said "want" not "got" (since that's not even grammatically correct): "You're giving out candy???"
Them: "No, we want you to give us candy."

So I gave them candy and they pet my dogs, and I wished them a Happy Halloween. And then I closed the door and stewed. Because I think the fun of Halloween is dressing up. And that doesn't have to mean tons of money on an expensive costume. My best childhood costume was a lamp - I wore a lampshade on my head, duct taped a flashlight in it, and wore gray sweats. Simple, very safe, and original.

And I have a problem with kids who don't say trick-or-treat. Even though at its heart, his message is a threat to prank you if you don't give out a treat, there's something whimsical about the age old catchphrase. This whole "Do you got any candy?" thing seemed so demanding. (And again, the grammar bothered me. It's "Do you have any candy?" Seriously, go to school.) It was like I owed them something for ringing my doorbell in their school clothes.

I read an article yesterday about how Halloween is losing its appeal to kids. Partly because of Christians calling it evil. And partly because adults have stolen it (with their slutty costume parties). This makes me really sad. I only was allowed to trick-or-treat through 6th grade, and only on my street of 7 houses, so I relished those years. And once I got to college, I donned two ponytails, a bunch of colors, and tied a bandana around my leg and went out as Punky Brewster.

I really hope next year brings back some of the whimsy and fun of Halloween. Adults can share in Halloween with kids, but only if we bring in the fun.

Next year I think I might not give candy to kids unless they say trick-or-treat.

Stress

Dan asked me the other day how I deal with stress. I told him that if it gets to be ongoing, I try to find solutions. Like at work, if I feel I perpetually have too much on my plate, I'd raise the issue with my supervisor. But I also told him that this month, I knew it would be nuts. Between going to Chicago for a week for a conference, helping with a banquet, and planning a career day for 5th graders, on top of all my normal tasks, I knew October would be nuts. So in that case, I did my best to work ahead and I try to keep in mind that this level of stress is temporary. (I also let myself let go of some things. Like ordinarily, I deep clean one room a week so that in a month, the whole house gets deep cleaned. I decided no one would die if I skipped deep cleaning in October.)

I've been thinking about it since then, and I think my regular sleep and exercise habits have helped, too. Even though when you've got a ton on your plate, sleep and exercise seem to be the first things to go, I think they are important to helping you feel energized to take on the tasks you have more efficiently. Spending time with God is important, too. I feel ready for the day when I've spent time in the Word and in prayer.

I am an avid list maker. When I'm stressed and pressed for time to tackle everything on my to-do list, I add time goals to each task. That helps keep me on task. And I offer myself reasonable breaks if I can meet my goals. As long as I'm on schedule, a half hour break to watch a TV show is no problem. Planning the breaks is important, too. Not necessarily what I'll do, but how much time I can afford to take one. If you don't figure that out, you can end up spending a couple of hours on Facebook before you realize you've just wasted two hours. (And speaking of distractions, I try to minimize my distractions when I have a lot to do. If possible, I work from home, where I can concentrate better. If I don't need the internet, I turn off my Wi-fi so I can't go to Facebook without having to consciously think about it.)

Today's snowstorm was a perfect picture of what happens when stress overtakes you. First of all, the planning ahead is important. God designed seasons for a reason...fall generally ends before winter begins so that the trees are bare and don't collect such a heavy weight of snow. But many of the trees in our area still had a lot of leaves, and as a result, they gathered a huge, heavy weight of snow. That's a great example of how planning ahead when you know a stressful time is coming is important.

Under the weight of the snow, branches all over town fell down. Huge ones. We lost 7 or 8 just in our yard. And I thought about how one flake of snow was the final straw for that branch. Just one flake, one little flake added to the pile, was enough to crack giant trees in half. Stress can be like that—all those little things add up until we crack over some silly little thing.

And after we'd lost those branches, my neighbor came out and started shaking them to ease the burden of the weight of the snow. I thought that was a great picture of the other ways I handle stress. By easing the burden, you can keep yourself from cracking under the pressure.

And it's worked, so far. Those heavy-laden branches popped right back up and have been sitting pretty, free of a burden too great to carry. That's how I want to live. That's how I want to deal with stress.

Spirits

With Halloween approaching, I thought I'd blog about my beliefs on ghosts and evil in the world.

I don't believe in ghosts. I do believe in evil spirits. The difference is that ghosts are the alleged spirits of those who have died, lingering in this world. I don't believe that can happen. But I do believe in evil spirits—Satan's minions who do things to invoke fear in people. And I believe that often, they may return to places where evil has triumphed to invoke this fear. I think houses where murders or other terrible acts have occurred can be haunted—not by the ghosts of the victims, but by the evil spirits that came with the evil acts.

I believe in seances. There is biblical evidence for this being a possible thing. (King Saul consults with a witch to bring back Samuel's spirit for military advice.) The Bible is also clear that this is wrong, and not something to be messed with.

I think most of Halloween is light-hearted fun. I love dressing myself and my dogs up in costume, handing out candy, and carving pumpkins. Even "haunted" corn mazes and the like don't bother me, because I don't believe these things truly tap into the power of evil.

I've only had one really spooky experience of my own. It was on my honeymoon. Dan and I were lying in bed and all of a sudden we both got really creeped out. We could just sense this evil presence. It wasn't anything physical—no lights flickered and no inanimate objects got inexplicably moved—but there was this sense that there was evil around us.

We turned on all the lights and prayed in each room of the house. We used Jesus' name a lot. I believe there is a lot of power in his name to triumph over evil. The demons in demon-possessed people of the gospels sure feared him. We felt the presence strongest right under the attic door. So we slept in a downstairs bedroom that night, with all the lights on.

I don't know if someone who had stayed in that house prior to us had done some kind of evil, pagan practice. But it's quite possible. Satan certainly welcomes invitations into our lives, and that's why I don't think evil/occult things are things to mess with.

I know that among Christians, there are a lot of differing views on Halloween. I don't claim to have all the right answers, but having thought through my own experiences and how I understand the Bible, these are the conclusions I've reached.

Nice

I've been convicted lately about the way I treat people. I've been known to poke fun and be sarcastic with people I feel comfortable with. But I've realized that even though some people can take teasing better than others, no one likes to be made fun of.

I started thinking about people more as a whole. The things I don't know about them. Like what it was like for them growing up. Did they feel like they had to earn their parents love? Like they could never make them proud? Did they have to grow up too fast because of a dad who left or an illness in the family?

And I think about the things I don't know about their lives now. Are they supported at home? Do they have people they know really care about them? Are they lonely?

And I started thinking about how I don't know what people's sensitive spots are. I think on most things I'm fairly thick-skinned. But you get me at a soft spot and zing does that hurt. So what if I hit another thick-skinned person in their weak spot?

So I've decided to try to be nicer to people, and cut back on teasing. Even if it's so-called "good-natured." Because even if they had loving, supportive parents and now have a loving, supportive spouse and set of friends, everyone can use a little extra TLC. And if they had a rough childhood and are struggling with feelings of worthlessness now, I don't want to contribute to those feelings.

238

This is my 238th blog post on Blogger. I've posted thousands of blogs over the past 6 years, but the other places I've blogged didn't give me a handy dandy counter so I knew when 238 would come along.

So, why is 238 an important milestone? It's a fun family thing, that comes from a friend of the family. You see, in Rhode Island (where I grew up), the government officials get low-numbered license plates. But then there's a whole series of license plates that are low, but higher than the number of government officials we have. These are coveted plates. Apparently it's desirable to have a plate that might be confused with that of a government official?

So our family friend ended up with the number 238. And he was very proud of it. And then he started noticing the number 238 all over the place. Like a bill would come to $2.38. Or he'd look at the clock right at 2:38. Well, once our family learned this, we started looking for 238. And what do you know, we saw it all over the place too. For as long as I can remember, I've gotten a little thrill upon seeing the number 238.

Sometimes we'll even notice combinations of those digits, like 328 or 832. We point those out, too. We've even gone so far as to say things like, "Well, it's 11:38, but 1 + 1 is 2, so it's like 238." (Yes, we are all nerds. In case you thought it was just me.)

One time when I was maybe 11 or 12, my sister pointed out that we probably only see 238 so much because we're looking for it. We decided to test this theory with another random number, 154. And although we didn't see it as often as 238, it did start popping up a lot.

The point is this: you see what you are trying to notice. Whether it's a silly combination of numbers, or things to complain about, or blessings to express thanks for - if you're looking for it, you'll find it. What are you trying to notice?

Octomom

Meet Octomom. She is the resident wolf spider in our IT department. A few months ago she was haunting the exterior wall by the ID badge swiper, scaring many Groupies, when a couple of IT guys caught her and got her a cage. I have to admit - though I was terrified of her when she was on the loose, there is a certain curiosity about seeing such a large spider when she's confined to her plastic cage. It's a still-somewhat-scared curiosity, and I was the one who encouraged the spider abortion a couple months ago when she laid an egg sack. I certainly never felt any feelings of concern or care for her.

Until today. When she became Septomom. She eats crickets for food, but as my IT friend Anthony learned the hard way, apparently too many crickets at once can gang up on her. And, as a last ditch effort to save themselves when under attack, spiders will gnaw off their own legs and sacrifice it to their attackers. Which is how today, when Anthony came to work, he found a seven-legged spider and a group of crickets happily munching on her leg.

She was trying to climb up on the wall today, like she's doing in this picture. But with her seven legs, she was struggling and couldn't do it. And for the first time, I felt genuine care for Septomom. I really felt terrible that she had to give up her leg - to gnaw it off by herself - and now to be handicapped.

Sometimes there are people who are just unlovable. Maybe they're mean. Maybe they're rude. Maybe they're fine, but they just clash personalities with you. And it's easy to see those people the way I saw Octomom. You might interact with them, but actually caring for them? That's a little harder.

Whether or not you can see the torn off leg, everyone has wounds. And when you start to see the wounds those people have - their metaphorical sacrificial leg - you begin to see them differently. You begin to understand them better, to care for them, to empathize with them.

Copyrighted

You know those super cheesy Christian t-shirts that take a common brand logo like Wii or Snickers and turn it into some lame Christian saying?

Well, aside from the fact that they commercialize Christianity in a ridiculous way, they are copyright infringements. And it really bothers me that Christians can get away with these things.

I imagine the reason is because Mars Candy Corporation isn't going to go after a little Christian t-shirt company. They'd look like the bad guys, this big corporation picking on the sensitive little Christians. And that's bad PR. Better to swallow the copyright infringement than risk ticking off a huge percent of their customer base.

Like I said, it bothers me that Christians can get away with this. Because it's wrong. Copyright infringement = stealing. And stealing in order to commercialize faith is worse than just commercializing it. It bothers me that the big corporations like Nintendo and Mars can't defend themselves when they're the ones in the right, because they'd look like bullies.

Churches violate copyright laws all the time, too. Showing movies without a license? Copyright violation. (And if you read the FBI warning you know that's a pretty hefty fine, plus jail time, if Warner Brothers or Disney were to call you on it.) Singing songs (yep, even those Christian choruses) without a CCLI license and/or without giving credit to the artist? Copyright infringement. Making a recording of your youth worship band singing copyrighted songs and selling it as a fundraiser? Copyright infringement. Making copies of a chapter in a book so your small group members don't need to buy their own copies? Copyright infringement, unless the book specifically tells you it's OK.

Let's not play the victim to get away with theft, Christians. Do the right thing, stop stealing—even if you could get away with it.

Labels

I've been thinking lately about labels. At workcamp this summer, they did an exercise where they stuck a nametag on themselves with something people had said about them. It could be good or bad: smart, beautiful, rich, or dumb, ugly, poor. Either way, the name tag was torn off and they came forward to hear that they were beloved children of God.

A similar exercise was done last week at Kidmin, only with labels about your ministry. Success or failure, good enough or not good enough. Then a slide show came up with words describing how God sees us.

And all of this got me thinking that labels don't have to be negative to be bad. Elle Woods in Legally Blonde is labelled as rich and beautiful—but that's all people can see her as. No one believes she really has the intelligence to succeed as a lawyer. Another person I know is extremely intelligent, but sometimes feels as if that's her only value to those around her. It's nice to be thought of as beautiful or smart, but when that becomes your sole worth to the world, you've become just an object. You feel like who you really are is lost behind this mask of the one thing people say about you.

The problem with labels, positive or negative, is that pretty soon they become the sum of what you are. This is one of my concerns about being a mother. Many of the mothers I know seem to have only that as their identity. The truth is, we are all so much broader than one or two adjectives can describe.

The thing about the child of God label is that it is the sum of everything we are. God has created us as his children, with all of our specific personality quirks, talents, roles, and the way we look. All of who we are, whether others see that as good or bad, is wrapped up in "beloved child of God."

Tear off any other labels that you're wearing. Don't let one adjective describe you. You, beloved child of God, are exactly who he created you to be.

Learning to Love (Sacred Marriage chapter 3)

I remember remarking to my college roommate, "You know, this is good practice for marriage." Sharing a room, having to make sacrifices for one another, dealing with who will do what chores - these are all helpful things to prepare you for marriage.

But I never really considered marriage as a good practice field for loving others. That's what chapter 3 of Sacred Marriage focuses on. Thomas writes, "I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves and learn to love the 'different.' Put together in the closest situation imaginable...we are forced to respect and appreciate someone who is so radically different."

So often I feel misunderstood. Like there's no one who really gets me and loves me for it. But what if everyone feels that way? What if I'm so focused on myself feeling out of place that I'm neglecting caring for others who need to feel loved? I'm different from Dan, to be sure. But I'm radically different than most people I know. So maybe my differences in personality with Dan are helping me see how to love those I encounter every day who are different.

I do focus on myself more than anyone else. Maybe my puppies come in close. I don't think it's just me. "While our society has become expert in self-care, we seemingly have lost the art of caring for others." I can hardly criticize a society of selfish people when my own life is marked by selfishness.

So I'm going to try to adopt this perspective: marriage is a place to practice love. If I can learn to act lovingly toward Dan no matter what, I can learn to act lovingly to everyone around me.

One more quote I liked, it's by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III, quoted at the beginning of the chapter: "Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another's glory or degrading each other." I pray I can move toward enhancing Dan's glory.

Don't Shoot the Messenger

Reading Jeremiah has reminded me how much people in the Bible hate truth-telling prophets. It's not just Jeremiah. All over the Bible there are evil kings doing evil things, and they would much rather hear happy lies of the good that will come to them than the truth about their imminent demise. And so they persecute the bearers of bad news, as if it's the prophet's fault bad things are going to happen.

But then I think, how well do I take a convicting word? I mean, really...the bad prophecies are generally a result of the evil person's sin. No one wants to hear they'll be dying, or that everything they have will be taken away...but no one wants to hear they've been a wicked rotten person, either.

I've had a few times when a good Christian friend has confronted me about an area I need to grow in. And it's hard not to become embittered toward those people. No, I don't try to kill them. But I'll admit it's caused a rift in more than one relationship - even though I usually later realize they were right.

There's one case in the Bible that sticks out, though. Ironically, the time when the prophet was most reluctant to deliver the bad message: Jonah and the Ninevites. When they hear the news of destruction, they repent, even openly admitting it might not work...but maybe God will yet have mercy on them.

That's the attitude I want to have when I'm confronted with a genuine conviction. I don't want to shoot the messenger. I want to take it to heart and repent.

Motivation

Let’s get one thing straight: I do not enjoy running. I know I’ve blogged about it a couple of times, because I do run 1.5 miles every day, but I’m not one of those people who love running. I feel like those people must be lying, because I can’t imagine how anyone could actually enjoy running.

But I have found that when I run in the morning, I feel better for the rest of the day. Once I stop being all hot and sweaty, I actually find myself with a ton more energy than if I’d slept in.

But because I don’t enjoy the process, it’s sometimes hard to get motivation to do it. Sometimes it’s the same way with reading my Bible. Not that I don’t enjoy it, but Jeremiah isn’t always the most riveting book. Sometimes I don’t want to read it anymore.

While at Kidmin, I was able to keep up my routine (not with such consistent times) of running and reading my Bible every morning. And on the mornings where that meant getting up at 5:20 (4:20 my time), it wasn’t always easy to get out of bed. My motivation was begging me to stay in bed. But in the end, I was always glad I’d run and spent time with God. I felt positive and energetic the whole conference, thanks to the physical and spiritual parts of my morning routine.

There are so many things that don’t seem like the fun thing to do. There are so many times when being lazy or doing the selfish things are what we just long to do. But in the end, doing the right thing is always rewarding.

Poverty

I recently watched a small chunk of the new CBS show, 2 Broke Girls. I turned it off because the brunette lead annoys me and both leads are, in my opinion, bad actors.

But what really bothered me was to see one of the girls pull out her iPhone and go online to check Facebook. I wondered: Has our culture become so greedy that you can own a $500 phone, pay for monthly internet service on it, and still be considered "broke"?

Now I realize that some people may be broke because they have frivolously spent money on things they didn't need (like iPhones), and now they have no money to pay for things they do need (like housing and shelter). And I find it hard to have pity on such people - they got themselves into that boat. And I also realize there are truly broke people in America. But they are not the people with iPhones.

I consider myself middle-class. Not lower, middle. But I had to negotiate $10 a month off our rent. And when my cell phone plan is up (which, by the way, doesn't include a data plan beyond text messaging - which is also not a necessity), I get whatever phone they are offering as a promo for $0-$20. I shop the Kohl's sales. My most expensive pair of shoes cost $25, and I got it with a gift card. I eat out once every month or two.

This is precisely why I consider myself middle-class. I can pay my $10 lower-than-normal rent each month. I have a cell phone. With a text messaging plan, to boot. I have ample clothes from my Kohl's sales. I have more than one pair of shoes. I eat out, ever.

In America, we consider people impoverished if they don't have a choice of what they'll eat for dinner. In the rest of the world, many people are thankful if they can eat dinner at all. In America, we complain about piles of laundry. In the rest of the world, people have one outfit to wear while they wash their only other outfit. If they're lucky.

We are so spoiled that we think smart phones are a necessity. We have no idea how lucky we have it.

Renovation

There is a four-plex down the street that I run past every day. In the past month, they've been doing a lot of renovation. New roof, new siding, new windows, new doors, new trim. Fixing up the landscaping. It's been a big project, and it's been neat to watch the progress.

And then one day I saw a rusted old sink being thrown into a dumpster. And the next day, some dumpy cabinets. And I realized, they weren't just renovating the outer shell of this place. They were fixing up the inside, too.

This is exactly what I've been trying to do with my own life. I've been running for my health and to maintain my figure. But that's all exterior. The real work I want done is ripping out the rusty sinks and dumpy cabinets of my heart. That's why I've also been praying while I run, and spending time in God's Word each day. It had been far too long, and I needed a renovation.

I love this picture that we are a whole package. Beauty is more than skin deep, but our health is important too. By renovating both inside and out, we can be a more whole person.

Broken

I bet you could ask anyone if there's something about themselves they wish they could change, and they would name something. Anyone.

I was reading recently about how deaf people prefer to be seen as a culture, not a special needs group. And I hear the term "handi-capable" instead of "handicapped." Or "differently abled" instead of "disabled." This makes sense to me. No one wants to feel broken. No one wants to feel like there's this kind of standard way everyone should've been created, but God messed up with them. And no one should feel that way. God didn't mess up with anyone.

So here's how I feel broken: my pickiness. It plagues me. I so wish I could change the fact that I am a picky eater. People view me as childish because of my tastes. I face a lot of anxiety in social eating settings, because even if I am eating what everyone else is, comments are often made. "Oh, you have the same tastes as my 5 year old." "Oh my gosh, you don't like lemons???" And it hurts.

I have really strong taste buds. And a really strong gag reflex. And there are some foods I don't like, but can handle. But there are a lot of foods I don't like and can't swallow without throwing up in my mouth a little bit. Sometimes it's not even the flavor, it's the texture. It just makes me gag. People make light of it. They think I'm exaggerating or being a baby. They mocked me when I shared an article with research about this problem that shows it's a real condition.

I don't want to feel broken anymore than those who speak in sign language or are differently-abled. I wish I could go to a restaurant with my co-workers and not feel anxious about it. Or enter a room for a themed pot-luck lunch with the food I brought for myself and not be teased because I need to eat something different.

I am not broken. This is how God made me. And God doesn't make mistakes.

Group

When I was in college, I figured out my freshman year that I wanted to develop children's curriculum for a living. I checked out the websites for the leading Sunday School curriculum publishers, and was very impressed by Group. I hoped to work there one day.

Now I do, and in three years I haven't lost my amazement with our products. Sure, I've had some rough days at work - who doesn't - but I haven't for a second stopped believing in what we do. Group's learning philosophies are so revolutionary, so interactive, that I really believe kids' lives will be changed. And we're constantly learning from customer feedback and from new experiments how to get better and better. I've been applying some of our new filters lately and it just gets me giddy. I know these filters make our products deeper and more applicable than ever.

Before I worked for Group, I got annoyed at how they always seemed to be promoting themselves. Now, I try so hard not to be all commercial about what we produce - but it's hard! Not because I want us to sell more products so I can get a raise (though I'd love one), but because I believe so much in our products that I want to see them change as many lives as possible.

I think another part of what makes Group's products work is our culture. Group is the friendliest place I ever could've imagined working. Our leaders really get to know people's names. They listen to people. People are nice to each other. We approach each other in healthy ways when conflicts arise. It's all a part of working at Group, and it helps us be in a better place to make stellar products.

I am so thankful to work at Group and so honored to be a part of changing lives around the world through the products I work on.

Thessalonians Highlights

I don't have a lot of highlights from 1 and 2 Thessalonians. Honestly, I think they're good books but a little more personally directed than many of Paul's letters. So here's what I got:

4:11-12 - "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." Does something about my life win the respect of outsiders? Or does my tendency to want the latest juicy tidbit of gossip just make me blend in?

4:17 - "And so we will be with the Lord forever." This is in a larger context of talking about Jesus' return. It just makes me so excited to be in the tangible presence of God - forever!

5:11 - "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." I don't think I do very much encouraging of others. I really need to grow in this area.

5:21-22 - "Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil." I didn't want to highlight this one. It made me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I don't want to avoid every kind of evil! It was precisely my discomfort that drew out my highlighter.

Jeremiah 29:11

If there's one verse I can't stand to hear quoted, it's Jeremiah 29:11. You've heard it, I'm sure: "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Everyone loves it for its sentiment. It feels so happy, like Yay! God's got plans to make every day of my life amazing!

I can't stand it because it's so taken out of context. Jeremiah is, with perhaps this verse being the only exception, a depressing book condemning the people of Judah for their wicked ways. Just listen to some of the things God promises to do:

• Give their wives and fields to other people (8:10)
• Take away their harvest (8:13)
• Send venomous snakes to bite them (8:17)
• Bring distress so great the sound of wailing will be heard (9:19)
• Decrees disaster (11:17)
• Kill the young men by the sword and their children by famine (11:22 - specific to those plotting against Jeremiah)
• Send four kinds of destroyers: the sword to kill; dogs to drag away; birds of the air and beasts of the earth to devour and destroy (15:3)
• Give their carcasses as food to the birds and beasts (19:7)
• Summon enemies to conquer them, banishing the sounds of joy and gladness and making the whole country a wasteland (25:9-11)
• Make them serve King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon (chapter 27)

 It's a pretty bleak picture. And throughout a lot of these, particularly the latter prophecies, God says it will be 70 years of captivity. (Not the 2 years Hananiah predicts in chapter 28 - he later dies as punishment for his false prophecy.)

There are even some texts kind of similar to chapter 29. Like in 18:10 when he does mention good plans, but then says "if [a nation or kingdom] does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."

And then comes chapter 29. A letter to those exiled and in captivity in Babylon, basically telling them, "Settle in. Have kids. Build houses. It's going to be 70 years, as punishment for your evil deeds." Even if you only read 29:10 as context, you get a bigger picture: after the 70 years, God will be gracious and bring them back. Cue 29:11. He isn't saying he has amazing plans for each of their lives. Many of them will be dead in 70 years. Those that are alive will be very old and have spent most of their lives in captivity. He is saying that as a whole, he has good plans for his people once they have paid for their wickedness.

So when you see this verse on graduation cards, what you're really telling the graduate is: "You are a wicked, evil person who will spend three generations paying for your sins. But eventually, God will be gracious to you. So buck up, kiddo, and get used to suffering." When you write it on a get well card, what you're really saying is, "You are paying for your sins with this illness, and it will be a while before things get better." If that's the message you want to send, by all means, keep doing it. But if you want to send an uplifting message in these situations, I'd suggest a different verse.

What NOT to Say When Someone Loses a Pet

When I lost Buttercup, I heard some of the same well-meaning but gut-wrenching "condolences" my uncle had complained about upon the loss of his dog. Those without their own pets may not understand how deep this loss feels. So, when offering comfort to someone who has lost a pet, consider whether you would speak the same words to someone who just lost a human loved one.

Would you say to someone who just lost a grandparent: "At least she lived a nice long life"? You shouldn't - so don't say it to someone who lost a pet. No matter how old the pet was, it doesn't change the fact that the person is grieving a great loss.

Would you say to someone who just lost a parent: "At least you have another one"? Of course not. But I heard this one all the time. Yes, I appreciated having Peanut and Biscuit around when I lost Butters. But they weren't the same as having her. And sometimes, it made it harder. Like when I had to scoop their dinner, it was always a reminder that I was only scooping two bowls now. Or how Peanut got super sad when I watched videos of Buttercup, so I had to sneak it without her noticing.

Would you say to someone who just lost a child: "Are you going to have another one?" It's true, eventually we who have lost pets will probably get another one. But I read recently that getting a new pet just after the loss of one is usually a bad idea, because you expect it to fill the void and be just like the pet you lost. You need time to grieve so you aren't getting another pet just to fill the hole. For someone to imply that another pet could just fill that role really hurts.

Instead of saying things like the above, simply say you're sorry to hear about the loss. Ask how the person is doing. Be a listening ear if the person wants to talk about it. And consider your context before asking questions. For instance, I asked my co-workers not to talk to me about Buttercup because I didn't want to cry at work, and I was having a hard time holding it in as it was. I appreciated that by-and-large, my co-workers respected those wishes.

Introverted

Growing up, I always fell right in the middle of the scale between extrovertedness and introvertedness. I didn't like being alone, and never understood people who valued "alone time." It seemed nuts to me. But I also didn't like being in groups and couldn't understand why people liked parties. I liked being with one, maybe two, close friends, enjoying low-key quality time.

In the past few years, I've noticed a shift in that preference. I've started appreciating alone time. And even though I never used to like being in big groups, I could do it. Now, it really wears me out to have to be really social with a lot of people. I really need time to re-coup after that kind of thing. I'm way further toward the introverted side of the scale than I ever used to be. I still value that one-on-one time with close friends, but I don't need it all the time like I used to.

I share this because I blog to express who I am. I blog to be known. I think there's this desire in everyone to be truly known - and loved anyway. That's why in my blogs I try to express my opinions and thoughts, to be known for what I believe in and what I dwell on during the day.

Words

I was thinking the other day about the power of words. A few months ago a friend and I were chatting about how hurtful words from elementary school teachers still rang in our ears, shaping who we are today.

Comments from each of our husbands have made us think this phenomenon doesn't happen to men as often. Sure, hurtful words hurt, but not years later. They tend to move on. They don't get why we don't.

Women, on the other hand, can't forget these words. It's not that we're purposely holding on to them. They just come to mind to kick us when we're down, to remind us (falsely) that we're just big fat failures with no worth.

I thought of a comparison a couple of days ago to help guys understand this. Last year our small group read a book set getting into the minds of men and women. (For Men Only, For Women Only.) The book for women, about men, said that once a guy sees a sexual image it is burned into his mind. Even if he didn't see it on purpose, maybe it just flashed on the TV screen in an unexpected Victoria's Secret commercial. So in addition to being able to call it up on purpose in a moment of weakness, sometimes these images just come to mind. It's a phenomenon well-meaning Christian men hate, because they can push it out of their mind (with much effort), but they can't keep it from coming in the first place.

I think that's the same power words have over women. Words from years ago. We don't mean to dwell on these hurtful words. Why would we want to? But all of a sudden, often when we are already feeling low, these words just pop into our heads.

Understand, men, we're not just bitter people holding on to every hurtful thing you've ever said. Just like you aren't perverts clinging to every sexual image you've ever seen. We fight to conquer these words, just as you fight to conquer the images. But sometimes we fail. Because after all, that's exactly what the hurtful words have told us we always do.

* Disclaimer: I realize these are generalizations and not everyone will identify with what I've said about their gender. But research from the authors of the book (and the nods of all the men in our group) showed that a majority of men shared this struggle, and the women part is just my theory.

Sacred Marriage: Christ and the Church

This week my blogging group is reading chapter 2 of Sacred Marriage. I have to admit, I struggled with this chapter. It took me a while to figure out why. I was reading about how marital analogies teach us about God, and particularly about Christ and the church, and it was just bothering me for some reason.

And then I figured it out. Thomas writes, "If we are consumed with highlighting where our spouses are falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons it has to teach us." Ah ha!  This made it all click. (Though not until I was a couple of pages later and came back to this sentence.)

Here's what was bothering me. In the analogy of Christ and the Church, he's the husband, the Church is the wife. And the Church isn't perfect. Not even close. So I can identify with that metaphor for my side of things. Church = imperfect; Me = imperfect. Not that that's God's design for the Church, but it's reality. So it makes sense to me.

But Christ is the husband in that metaphor. And Christ is perfect. Ergo, Dan should be perfect. Only he's not (and neither is your husband).

I realize this is a biblical analogy, not one Thomas made up, but it took this book to make me realize that the analogy may cause me to place unrealistic expectations on Dan. It may cause me to highlight where he's falling short, the very thing Thomas warns against. If I'm the Church, he can't look at me and say, "come on Church, live up to your name." I do that just fine - live up to an imperfect comparison. But subconsciously, do I look at Dan's imperfections and think, "come on, Jesus, live up to your name."

Lost Gerbil

Well, today was quite a whirlwind. As I was getting ready, Dan discovered that when I'd closed the gerbil cage last night, the latch hadn't clasped all the way.

I had a moment of relief when I discovered our gerbil Chip was still in the cage. But that moment quickly faded when I realized Sandwich was not.

So my husband and I started tearing the place apart. He even tore the bottom of the couch off (and later re-stapled it) to see if she'd gotten in there. Nothing. I realized we had a humane mouse trap, so I set that up. Then Dan went to get more of the same to set around the house.

But when we got home in the afternoon, the traps were empty. The only sign of Sandwich was that a couple bubble-padded envelopes had been chewed on since the morning. Based on that, some droppings, and the fact that there was no evidence of her anywhere else in the house, we determined she'd likely never left the office/spare bedroom where her cage is. So we put extra traps in there, closed the door, shoved a towel under it, and left the traps to do their work.

When I came back a few hours later to check the traps, I saw a streak of gerbil scamper from the bed to behind the bookshelf. So I blocked off her entry way and set one of the traps at the exit. Fifteen minutes of monitoring later, she'd checked it out several times, even gone in the trap, but not far enough for it to shut on her. So I set a box on its side with some food in it. A few minutes later, she scurried in and I snatched the box up.

I worried and wondered throughout this adventurous gerbil day. Had she survived long after the long fall from the dresser where her cage sat? Would she chew on valuable or sentimental things and destroy them? Would the dogs get her? If they did, would they get sick? Was she enjoying her new-found freedom, or living in fear?

When I caught her, she sure seemed to be fearful. And hungry - very eager to get food from that trap. And it struck me that God doesn't give us limits to kill our fun anymore than I put the gerbil in the cage to kill her fun. I do it because in her cage, I can give her all the food and water she needs. I can keep her safe from the over-eager predators that lurk in our house, licking their chops at the sight of the gerbils. Likewise, it's within God's limits that he can provide for us and protect us best.

Philippians and Colossians Highlights

Past my no-screen time so I'll make this brief. They're pretty short books.

Philippians 1:21 - "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." I'd love to really have this perspective. Not just spout the verse off but really feel like every moment on this life is for Christ, and to really anticipate eternity with him.

Philippians 1:27 - "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." When you really think about it, that's a big call. To be worthy of Christ's sacrifice for us?

Philippians 2:3 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Nothing. That's a big word. On my best days I only do a few things out of selfishness. And those days don't come around a lot. But nothing?

Philippians 2:4 - "Do everything without complaining or arguing." This verse sums up exactly who I want to be. The person who just has a good attitude about even the crappy things. Unfortunately, it doesn't sum up who I am most of the time.

Philippians 3 - Really I just love this whole chapter. Probably my favorite in the whole Bible. It's all about how nothing is as awesome as knowing Christ, and that's why we forget what's happened and look ahead towards Jesus, pressing on toward him and eagerly awaiting the day when we will be with him in heaven.

Philippians 4:5 - "Let your gentleness be evident to all." See notes on 2:4.

Colossians 2:6-7 - "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Salvation is about so much more that just "praying the prayer." Truly having faith means we're in a growing relationship, being built up in Christ. This is my problem with the whole "seeker-friendly" movement of the late 90s-early 2000's. Reaching out is great, but if there's no discipleship plan to go with it, all we're doing is maybe getting people to pray an empty prayer.

Colossians 3:23-24 - "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord not for men...It is the Lord Christ you are serving." I try to do this, but I constantly find myself seeking the approval of my superiors and co-workers. I want so badly to be really, truly working for the Lord, not for men.

God's Will

This is kind of a follow-up to my post yesterday about Christians I admire vs. those who make me embarrassed to call myself a Christian.

I remember reading this article in college from larknews.com, which is kind of like The Onion but specifically satirizing Christian topics. If you didn't click the link, I'll summarize: a man dies at the age of 91 without having done anything substantial with his life, because he was waiting for the voice of God to direct him.

Which brings me to an item I didn't list on my blog yesterday: Christians I admire take action. Christians that embarrass me sit around waiting for a tangible sign from God.

It's not that God can't speak to us in miraculous ways today. I believe he can. But he doesn't always. And I think sometimes faith means taking that first step and seeing how it goes. Sometimes, we just need to take action.

There's an old joke about a guy who was sitting on his roof as floodwaters rose, and he prayed for God to rescue him. Someone on a raft came by, and he said, "No thanks, I'm waiting for God." Then someone in a row boat came by, and again he said, "No thanks, I'm waiting for God." A motor boat came by and he gave the same response. Eventually he drowned in the floodwaters, and when he got to heaven he asked God, "Why didn't you rescue me?" And God responded, "I sent you three boats!!"

Sometimes we're so bent on having to see God speak or act in miraculous ways, we miss what he's telling us in everyday life. Like if we're not at a burning bush, God can't be directing us. And so we sit back passively, waiting for that booming voice that will probably never come. God's much more into subtle whispers than booming proclamations, it seems.

Christians

I've been thinking about the kind of Christians that I admire and want to be like, and the kind of Christians that make me embarrassed to call myself a Christian. Because I do want to grow in my faith - but I want to grow more Christ-like, which isn't always more "Christian."

The Christians that make me embarrassed are known for what they are against, like homosexuality or abortion. They picket and are loud-mouthed about their opinions.
The Christians I admire are known for radiating love and care to everyone around them.

The Christians that make me embarrassed stand on street corners and hand out tracks awkwardly, making others feel uncomfortable.
The Christians I admire overflow with Jesus naturally, so that conversations about faith just happen because of their lifestyle.

The Christians that embarrass me always have a cheesy cliche handy.
The Christians I admire respond to everything in humble, authentic prayer.

The Christians that embarrass me reek of phoniness.
The Christians I admire leave no doubt of the sincerity of their faith.

The Christians that embarrass me mindlessly echo things they've heard or read about faith, without thinking for themselves.
The Christians I admire have their own faith journey stories and insights to share.

The Christians that embarrass me get preachy when people do things like swear or drink beer.
The Christians I admire love and accept everyone.

The Christians that embarrass me do all kinds of Christian activities so it's obvious they're a Christian.
The Christians I admire are just obviously Christian.

The Christians that embarrass me do a lot of talking.
The Christians I admire do a lot of asking and listening.

What contrasts would you add to this list?

Isaiah Highlights Part 3 (the end)

The rest of my highlights:

43:2 - "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass over the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." This goes on to talk about how God has ransomed us and will save us. What I love most is the promise that he'll be with us. There are hard times, but he will be with us and keep us safe.

43:18 - "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." I find it so hard to move on from past hurts. I used to bounce back so easily. Now those past wounds become stumbling blocks. But God is doing a new thing, making a way in the desert.

48:18 - "If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like the river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea." Obedience isn't about rigid rules. God's commands are there to protect us, and they bring about peace.

55:2 - "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Only one thing ultimately satisfies. Everything else brings only temporary delight.

55:9 - "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Thank goodness. I've certainly proven that my ways and thoughts aren't always the best plan!

66:2 - "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." I am so far from humble. But that's the spirit God desires of us. I have a lot to learn about humility.

I skipped a few, but I felt like this series was getting too long, so I'm ending it here.

Isaiah Highlights Part 2

Here are some more of my highlights from Isaiah:

30:15 - "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." We make ourselves so busy, but the real strength is in rest, quietness - relying on God.

30:18 - "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"

30:20-21 - "Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." I love the moments when I feel I've got that kind of tangible guidance.

32:17 - "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Now there's a motivation to pursue righteousness.

33:6 - "He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."

40:8 - "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." I don't live for this temporary world. I live for the One who stands forever.

I'll stop there for now.

Isaiah Highlights

I finished Isaiah this morning, and here are my highlights:

7:4 - "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all." God makes it pretty clear all throughout the Bible that he doesn't like wishy-washy faith. You're either in or out. This verse convicted me - am I standing firm?

16:5 - "In love a throne will be established; in faithfulness a man will sit on it—one from the house of David—one who in judging seeks justice and speeds the cause of the righteous." Of all the Messianic prophecies in Isaiah, this one was new to me. And I love the description of Jesus seeking justice and speeding the cause of the righteous.

17:7-8 - "In that day men will look to their Maker and turn their eyes to the Holy One of Israel. They will not look to the altars, the work of their hands." God is incomparable. Nothing in this world deserves our attention over him.

25:1 - "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." This one gave me perspective. When we're going through hard times, we can hold on to the fact that God plans marvelous things well in advance.

25:8 - "The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth." Not much to say about this one - I just look forward to that day.

29:13 - "These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." This reminded me of DC Talk: "The greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

29:16 - "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it. 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?" Above this world of women who feel they don't look good enough, and  who constantly compare themselves to others in all kinds of ways, there is a Creator who shaped you just the way he wanted you.

OK. This is getting long and I'm not even halfway through Isaiah. I'll stop there and continue tomorrow.

Love & Respect

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I'm in a Sacred Marriage blogging Bible study, and was just reading Ephesians about marriage. And I started thinking back to when our couple's group read For Men Only and For Women Only, books that give you insight into your spouse's mind.

One chapter, I believe the first one, talked about men's need for respect. It likened it to women's need to feel loved. And a lot of the women in our group struggled with that. I mean, we got it, but it seemed hard. Doesn't respect need to be earned? The book talked about how we expect our husbands to love us even though we aren't always loveable, so we need to respect our husbands even when they aren't acting respectable.

I'm just now starting to wrap my head around this. Here's what I figured out. The words love and respect are both verbs. But they are also both feelings. Our husbands are to always treat us with love (and vice versa), even when we aren't being loveable, because that's what Jesus would do.

And we are always to treat our husbands with respect, even when they aren't being respectable, because that's what Jesus would do. And that's how they need to be treated.

But that's all the verb meanings of the word. Like the way you might show love to a colleague who isn't treating you fairly. Or the way you might show respect to a terrible boss because you value your job security (or are just a good, respectful person). It doesn't mean you actually feel love toward that colleague or respect for that boss.

I don't think wives need to earn love, nor do husbands need to earn respect, when we're talking about the verbs. But the emotion, you do need to earn. Not in every moment, but big picture. For Dan to feel love toward me, I need to act loveably most of the time. If that's the case, he'll make exceptions for those unloveable moments, because he knows that at my core I am a woman he feels love for. Conversely, for me to feel respect toward Dan, he needs to act respectably most of the time. Again, if he is a generally respectable person but falters here and there, that won't impact my feeling, because I respect him as the person I know he is.

So...what do you think? Agree or disagree with my conclusion?

Struggling

Yesterday I noticed a theme as I read through my daily Scripture passages.

Psalm 71:14: "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."

Proverbs 24:10: "If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength?"

Philippians 1:18: Paul, after sharing about being in chains and about people trying to undermine him, says, "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice."

I think one of the hardest things to do is rejoice and have hope in times of trouble. But I loved the way the Proverb I cited puts it. The best way to measure the strength of your faith is to see how well it stands up when you're struggling. Will you, like the Psalmist, always have hope? Will you, like Paul, continue to rejoice?

I know I haven't often (or ever?) done this. I guess that tells you the measure of my strength. But I'm inspired by this theme in my Bible reading. I want to be strong enough to say I will always have hope - no matter what happens. I will continue to rejoice - even in the midst of bad circumstances.

Marriage

So...Ephesians 5 is often cited as a passage about how to be married. Specifically, people look at verses 22-33, and they say that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, and husbands are supposed to love their wives with Christ's sacrificial love, and that's what our roles are.

But reading it in context, I don't think that's what it means. Ladies, we don't get out of the sacrificial love bit. 5:2 says to a general audience: "Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Husbands aren't the only ones called to love with a sacrificial love. We're all called to love that way - not just our spouses, but everyone.

And men, you don't get out of submitting, either. Verse 21 says (still to a general audience): "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Everyone is supposed to be submissive, putting others' needs before their own. Not just to spouses, but to everyone.

The call was tough enough when we thought all we had to do was submit to our husbands and love our wives. But as it turns out, we all have to submit and we all have to love sacrificially. It's how Jesus lived, after all.

Ephesians

I've decided to start a new blogging tradition: blogging about the passages I highlighted when I finish a book of the Bible. I thought this would be a nice recap for me, and a nice way to share what I'm learning from God's Word. And so, without further adieu, I present: Ephesians.

1:3 - "spiritual blessing in Christ." The whole verse is good, but I just highlighted that part. It struck me how often I consider blessings tangible things. Spiritual blessings is a whole separate level.

1:11 - "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." This one struck me because of the last part. We have free will, but ultimately God works it out for his ultimate purposes.

2:10 - "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." One I'd memorized, but a good refresher. We're here for a reason. A specific reason. God has specific things he wants us to accomplish for him. We were created to do those very things. What an amazing sense of purpose.

4:1 - "As a prisoner of the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." What a great piggyback off of 2:10 - we've got this amazing calling to do the very good works God prepared for us. I love this challenge to live worthy of that calling. Not just to do the good works, but to live as one who is clearly working for God in everything.

4:2, 13, 15, 16 - "in love" "unity" "in love" "in love" - It stuck out to me how much the word love was used in talking about unity. We've got to love each other.

4:22-24 - "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desire; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." I feel like this verse captures the journey of faith - putting off our old as we strive to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building  others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." In middle school I recited this verse to those who swear around me. But now it strikes me that this verse isn't so much about abstaining from swearing - it's about considering how each word you say benefits those who listen. Do I build people up, or tear them down?

5:15 - "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." This one challenged me. How much intentionality is there to how I live? Do I make the most of every opportunity to be wise? Do I even recognize those opportunities?

6:12- "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." So often the troubles of this world feel so consuming. We look at the tangible things and get so discouraged, forgetting that in the big picture, we're in this cosmic battle against powerful dark forces. That's why we must wear the armor of God and stand firm.

I have a couple more thoughts on Ephesians that I want to elaborate on in more detail, so stay tuned for that tomorrow!

Sacred Marriage (Ch. 1)

I'm in a blogging Bible study on the book Sacred Marriage. We're all reading a chapter every couple of weeks and blogging about it. I've read this book before, but I think it was during our engagement so I have a very different perspective now. Here are my thoughts on chapter 1.

The point of the book is that marriage isn't about becoming happy, but becoming holy. That like solitude for hermits, marriage can be a spiritual discipline that shapes us into the image of Christ. On page 21, Gary Thomas says, "If you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise." He later talks about immorality like selfishness, anger, control-mongering, and hatred, that can be revealed through the marriage relationship.

In my first reading of the book, I wrote near this section: "True...I've really had to become a lot less selfish and I've learned a lot about my weaknesses." But here's my problem...I think I stopped. I may have learned that in the beginning. But somewhere along the line I think I decided I was good enough as a person. And sure, I could do things to be a more romantic wife, but I didn't need to grow in those spiritual areas. At least not through marriage. It's so not true, but somehow I've convinced myself of that.

And since I convinced myself of that, I think I convinced myself that I am inherently loveable, so it shouldn't be hard for Dan to love me. But just after reading this, I sang a song in church that said, "God, I'm amazed by you...How you love me." And I thought...God's love is amazing because I'm not inherently loveable. It's quite a feat for him to love me, actually. I was expecting Dan to love me like God does, forgetting what a feat that is. And this line from the book struck me: "But my wife can't be God, and I was created with a spirit that craves God. Anything less than God, and I'll feel an ache."

I'm excited to keep reading because this isn't a marriage how-to book. It's a book to help me see marriage as a tool to help me grow closer to God and reflect his character. Because as Thomas writes on page 24, "...what [we] crave more than anything else is to be intimately close to the God who made us. If that relationship is right, we won't make such severe demands on our marriage...expecting each other to compensate for spiritual emptiness."

Debt

So, I'm no expert on federal spending. I don't pretend to be. But my parents raised me to budget, and I know the basic principle of budgeting: don't spend money you don't have.

Now there are certain exceptions, like mortgages and cars (though on that latter one my goal is to minimize or avoid car debt, and on the house you get into it responsibly). But for the most part, I stay out of debt by not spending money I don't have. And that includes planning ahead a bit, saving up for the monthly bills.

There are times when I wish I could just go out to Olive Garden with Dan, or buy that cute blouse I saw in a store window, but I have to say no to those things. Because a meal at Olive Garden would mean we can't afford groceries for 5 or 6 days. There are times when people try to convince me I need cable and all sorts of other things. But I have to prioritize. If I have x amount of money coming in, I need to cover the essentials and then I can decide what to do with the excess. And cable is not an essential.

So I am baffled to hear about the trillions and trillions of dollars of debt our country has accumulated. It just seems so irresponsible to me. Like I said, I'm no expert on where all this money is going. But I imagine there are research projects that are great, but could wait. And inflated salaries that could be trimmed. And I know there've been bailouts that seem a bit excessive, to say the least.

I know that not everyone agrees about what's important. But congress or whoever just needs to sit down and say, "OK...this is how much we have coming in annually. This much is how much we need to set aside each year so we can pay off our $15 trillion dollar debt in a reasonable amount of time. This is how much we have leftover. These are the things we're going to put it towards. Everything else will have to wait until we've paid off our debt."

I know I'm not in the thick of it. But it seems like it would just be a much-bigger-scale version of what I do in managing a household budget. So just fix it, people!