Words

I was thinking the other day about the power of words. A few months ago a friend and I were chatting about how hurtful words from elementary school teachers still rang in our ears, shaping who we are today.

Comments from each of our husbands have made us think this phenomenon doesn't happen to men as often. Sure, hurtful words hurt, but not years later. They tend to move on. They don't get why we don't.

Women, on the other hand, can't forget these words. It's not that we're purposely holding on to them. They just come to mind to kick us when we're down, to remind us (falsely) that we're just big fat failures with no worth.

I thought of a comparison a couple of days ago to help guys understand this. Last year our small group read a book set getting into the minds of men and women. (For Men Only, For Women Only.) The book for women, about men, said that once a guy sees a sexual image it is burned into his mind. Even if he didn't see it on purpose, maybe it just flashed on the TV screen in an unexpected Victoria's Secret commercial. So in addition to being able to call it up on purpose in a moment of weakness, sometimes these images just come to mind. It's a phenomenon well-meaning Christian men hate, because they can push it out of their mind (with much effort), but they can't keep it from coming in the first place.

I think that's the same power words have over women. Words from years ago. We don't mean to dwell on these hurtful words. Why would we want to? But all of a sudden, often when we are already feeling low, these words just pop into our heads.

Understand, men, we're not just bitter people holding on to every hurtful thing you've ever said. Just like you aren't perverts clinging to every sexual image you've ever seen. We fight to conquer these words, just as you fight to conquer the images. But sometimes we fail. Because after all, that's exactly what the hurtful words have told us we always do.

* Disclaimer: I realize these are generalizations and not everyone will identify with what I've said about their gender. But research from the authors of the book (and the nods of all the men in our group) showed that a majority of men shared this struggle, and the women part is just my theory.