Selective

A friend sent me this article today: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2010/11/29/adult-picky-eaters-recognized-having-disorder/

Never have I felt more understood than when I read this article. It described me almost perfectly. I have often avoided social situations that involve eating or drinking because I am embarrassed about being a picky eater. I've been told it's "childish" and have been made to feel like I'm being immature or bratty because of my selective tastes.

Consequently, I have faked a stomach ache when I'm desperately hungry to avoid acknowledging that I don't like anything that's being offered. I've lied about having eaten recently to avoid eating something else. And I even once snuck off from a work event and walked 6 blocks through Denver to McDonalds after picking away at some Chinese food our team had for lunch and trying to make my plate look as though I'd eaten something.

I like foods that are bland and usually processed, as this article describes. I love things that are salty, especially french fries. I've often thought that "more adventurous foods look like a plate of barf."

And I would definitely change this about myself above anything else. It has been such an embarrassing and limiting factor for as long as I can remember. I hate feeling like I'm offending a host if I don't like anything they offer, so I avoid going to people's houses for dinner unless they are briefed beforehand of my eating limitations. Even as a kid I preferred people sleepover my house than that I go to theirs, so that I wouldn't be faced with a dinner I couldn't eat. I hate feeling like people have to make special accommodations for me, even if they do it graciously and show amazing understanding.

As far as childhood associations with food, I was always a tremendously slow eater. Often because there was something on the plate I couldn't stomach the thought of eating, but I had to sit at the table until I ate it or until bedtime. So I'd hold out for bedtime. Sometimes I'd chew one bit of food for twenty minutes because my stomach was screaming at me not to swallow it.

Please read this article and know that my food limitations are not because I'm being stubborn or immature. I just don't experience food the same way you do...often just the thought of eating something unpalatable to me triggers my gag reflex. Know that if I turn down something you've worked hard to bake or cook, it's not because I don't respect or appreciate your efforts. Know that I would absolutely change this about me in a heartbeat.

Mommy

I've always loved kids. But even as a teenager, I went back and forth between considering some day having my own. I really enjoy spending an hour or two with kids as a Sunday School teacher or volunteer, but I like the lack of life-commitment that offers. I can choose the age level I want - one without diapers involved. They can't mess up my house from church. They don't cost anything. I don't have to rearrange my whole life to accommodate a child or commit to the rest of my life as a parent. That's a big commitment, and not one I'm sure I want.

But it's hard for me. Dan wants kids someday; I don't really. When we were dating, we were on the same page: we agreed on two kids. But since we've gotten married I've found a job I absolutely love; I've started writing a book; I've developed a greater need for sleep; and I've grown marvelously accustomed to a schedule of relaxation after work. I know that with children I couldn't get my 9+ hours of sleep a night, period. Working full time would be possible, but difficult. Writing a book on top of a full time job would be next to impossible. And relaxation would be 90% thrown out the window.

I'm in a stage of life now where many of my friends are parents or soon-to-be-parents. Four women in my small group are currently pregnant. Four. It's an isolating thing not to want a child in this stage of life. And yet as much as these women rave about how "worth it" it is to have a baby, I see the Facebook posts about the messes their kids make; or how the kids woke her up at 5 am; or getting up in the middle of the night to change bloody nose soaked sheets...and it just makes me shrivel up a little to imagine a life like that.

I find it immensely annoying when people tell me that I need to have a baby. Parenting isn't for everyone. Some of my friends dreamed of being stay-at-home moms, and now they are, and that's wonderful. I love seeing dreams come true. My dream was to be a writer and to develop curriculum. And my dream has come true. I hardly see how I need to add an element to my life that will hinder that dream, particularly when puppies are (in my opinion) so much cuter, and 100x easier to take care of.

When God told us to populate the earth, there were 2 people. Adam and Eve were definitely called to have kids. But now there's almost 7 billion people in the world. We've populated well. So I don't think having children is any longer a mandate for everyone. And I can't turn on the "Mommy Gene." I can't make myself want to have a baby. I just don't want one. No amount of people telling me all about how their child is worth it despite the projectile vomit will change that.

Turkey Day

Growing up, I hated Thanksgiving. I didn't like any of the traditional food associated with the holiday, and while I would have been perfectly content to enjoy my Chef Boyardee Ravioli instead, I was always teased for this choice. For me, the holiday was a holiday all about a food I didn't like, and thus a holiday about mockery. No giving of thanks involved.

Then a few years ago, I decided I could tolerate turkey OK. And then three Thanksgivings ago, I had my first Thanksgiving with my mom's cousin-in-law, Jean. She makes such a moist and delicious turkey that I actually started liking turkey. Like, desiring it.

Nonetheless, having spent the majority of my life being mocked for my distaste of Thanksgiving foods, I still find it a sad thing when the holiday is all about food and not about giving thanks. And this year I've noticed more and more people calling it "Turkey Day." This frustrates me immensely; it's an acknowledgment that we're not giving thanks, we're just gorging ourselves on turkey.

America is a culture of selfish, greedy people. Myself included. We desperately need a reminder to give thanks for all that we've been blessed with. But instead, we've made Thanksgiving into a day of overeating and more greed and excess. It really bothers me.

Here are some things I'm thankful for: Dan, my puppies, our home, my car, my job, our couch, cookies, family, Colorado weather, new sweaters, and my VCR.

...But

Today was a long day of travel. I left the house we were staying at in Ohio at 7:45 (Eastern time) and didn't get to my house until 6:10 (Mountain time). That's over twelve hours of driving, waiting, flying, and mostly waiting.

...BUT I'm thankful that we have airplanes - that trip would have taken a lot longer in a car, train, or back in the ol' horse & buggy days.

The ticketing lady was a big jerk who talked really fast and mumbly and then made me feel stupid for not knowing what she said.

...BUT I'm thankful there was no line and I had no problems with my reservation.

I hadn't realized when I planned the trip that a 1 stop, no plane change flight meant I couldn't get lunch during the layover.

...BUT I'm thankful that Dan had bought me a bag of Cheez-its.

The second leg of the flight sat on the runway in Midway for almost two hours, as they were trying to get bags on and a lot of delays and redirected flights meant 11 extra planes for the bag people to deal with.

...BUT I'm thankful we made it to Midway at all. The captain said a lot of planes headed there were redirected, but they let us land.

There were about 8 babies/toddlers on board the second leg of the flight, and they seemed to have a schedule going so they'd all poop in their diapers just when the smell of the last one wore away. One of them cried the entire flight - including the time we sat on the runway - for a total of 5 hours.

...BUT I'm thankful none of the poopy babies nor the crying one were sitting too close to me.

Our plane had to circle Denver airport for about 20-30 minutes because they couldn't get the flaps up that slow down the plane on the runway.

...BUT I'm thankful the emergency flaps gave us a safe (albeit slightly fast) landing, and that the emergency personnel were prepared to help us.

The luggage took an hour to come out of the baggage claim.

...BUT I'm thankful my bag didn't get lost.

There were a ton of cars on the highway driving back.

...BUT I'm thankful that in Colorado, heavy traffic (unless there's an accident or snow) means we're going 70.

...And I'm so thankful to have my puppies back!

Friend

Last Thursday I visited a preschool class. I really love preschoolers and kindergartners. They're still so innocent and trusting, so willing to be friends with anyone, unmarred by rejection and distrust.

I sat down at a table with some kids linking chain links together, and they launched into conversation with me. They were building a "550 foot" chain, they said. (It was probably about 8 feet.) And one of the boy's boots were from Kohls. So were mine! He was excited about that connection. They introduced themselves to me by name, and I told them mine.

And throughout the next few hours, I made friends with almost every child in that class. Not because of my own efforts, but because they readily included me in their play and talked to me about favorite colors, their parents, their grandparents, the movies they'd watched recently (which, as it turns out, were some of the same ones I'd watched...I have a lot in common with preschoolers).They say social skills develop and progress as you get older, but I wonder if that's true. Because those preschoolers sure seemed to do a lot more socializing than most adults I know.

If it was that easy to make friends in the adult world, I'd have a lot more friends.

Jewelry

I'm always baffled when TV shows and movies have guys trying to buy a girl's forgiveness or love with expensive jewelry. Or when jewelry commercials make it seem normal to drop $500 on a necklace for Valentine's Day...for your MOM.

Personally, I have no desire for fancy jewelry. Even if we were millionaires, I would find it a frivolous waste of money for Dan to spend more than $20 on a piece of jewelry for me, and even that price seems expensive. Especially because the more fancy it is the less often you can wear it. A nice $12, wear-to-work necklace from Kohls, great. Match pair of earrings for another $10, sure. That's practical, nice for daily use. Even cubic zirconium jewelry that looks fancy but costs little for those fancy nights out, great!

I just don't think I could live with myself knowing there are starving children in Africa and I have a $1,000 necklace that I wear once a year.

Listen

There was a period in high school where I didn't want to go to college. My career goal in life was to get married and be a good housewife; why spend time and money on a college degree if you don't need one? I was sick of being in school, and I really didn't want 4 more years of it.

But God had other plans for me. And as God often does, he spoke to me repeatedly until I got it. It started while I was watching Queen Latifah play "Celebrity Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?" When she won her check, which she was donating to a college scholarship fund of some sort, she held it up to the camera and said, "Go to college, kids!"

Well, there was a chord of conviction in my heart with that line. I knew my reasons to not go to college were lazy, not from God. But I'm a stubborn person, so I dismissed Queen Latifah's comment and went on with life. Then the next day on my mom's page a day calendar (which without me to flip it is now perpetually months behind the real date), there was a quote about seeking wisdom and knowledge. Again, I pushed it aside. Then I read a verse in Proverbs with a similar sentiment. Shove.

And then a few days later an envelope came in the mail from me. I was in about 10th grade at this point, and when I was in 5th grade I'd joined this group called the Crusades. Basically you pledged to abstain from drugs and alcohol through high school, and when it came time for college if you qualified for financial help, you were guaranteed to get it if you'd kept your pledge. I hadn't heard from them in years when they sent this envelope.

In the envelope was a magazine about colleges. And a letter was tucked inside the magazine explaining what it was about. One line jumped out at me and I could no longer ignore the chord of conviction resonating in my heart: "You are on your way to college with this magazine."

I never did hear from Crusades again, come to think of it. One randomly sent magazine amidst years of silence, timed just for the week when God was sending me all the other messages I tried so hard to ignore.

People often read the Old Testament and wonder why God doesn't speak to us today like he spoke to people back then. I think he still speaks just as clearly...we're just not very good listeners. But don't worry, he'll keep drilling his point until we finally pay attention.

Reusable

Yesterday I blogged about the power of negative words. And then today happened.

I was on my way to Walmart to go grocery shopping, and feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I had a lot on my mind and just as much on my to do list, and it was all weighing heavily on me. I was feeling discouraged and stressed.

And so, as I drove, I deliberated about whether I really wanted to go to the effort of reaching in the back seat to get my reusable shopping bags. Yes, a very small thing to do. A silly thing to deliberate. But that's just how overwhelmed I was feeling. And the only reason I decided to make the effort was because it would be easier to carry the groceries into my house in the reusable bags.

I walked into Walmart, tucked the bags on the bottom of my cart, and pushed forward. And then one of the Walmart employees looked at me and said in a cheery voice, "Good job remembering your bags!"

Obviously she had know way of knowing the silly deliberation I'd just gone through in the car. Obviously she had no idea how much weight her words would carry. But they lifted my spirits. I wasn't a total failure. I may be behind on my to-do list, but darn it, I remembered my bags. And that was appreciated. I could do something right.

Little

In 2nd grade I had a giant crack down the middle of my desk. It was awkward because neither side of the crack was wide enough for a whole piece of paper. And so the crack often made my handwriting look really messy. And I'll be honest - I didn't exactly excel in handwriting anyway. I liked to write quickly (still do), and that doesn't always go well with writing neatly.

But one time we were writing a list of words for something. And I decided to take my time and go really slowly to write neatly. I remember the first word: little. I worked really hard and wrote it perfectly. You've never seen the word "little" written more precisely in your whole life.

My teacher was walking by, and she often encouraged me to work on my handwriting. So I motioned her over and pointed to the word. "Look how neat I wrote that!" I said.

"Look how small you wrote that," she replied with a frown as she walked away. And I had written some pretty small letters, it was true. But I felt so discouraged that I'd worked so hard and written so neatly, and all she could see was the negative. And really, I was showing the meaning of the word in how I wrote it!

Negative words carry a lot of weight. 18 years later I still think of that day when someone says they can't read my handwriting. I wonder if I'd have neater writing now if my teacher had said something more like, "Wow! That's so neat! See if you can write it like that but a little bit bigger." For most criticisms, there's usually an encouraging way to say them.

Gift

In the book Linchpin, there's a chapter about giving gifts. And real gift giving doesn't expect reciprocity. It's just something given freely.

Well, here in America we have a custom that drives me bonkers and in effort to be polite actually seems quite rude to me. When someone invites you to their house for dinner or a party or whatever, you are supposed to ask what you can bring. I don't mean a birthday present to a birthday party, I'm talking about bringing the bottle of wine, the salad, whatever. To me, it demeans the gift the host is offering.* It's rude, in my mind. It's like saying, "I don't think you can handle everything yourself, so I'm going to bring something." But in our culture, it's rude NOT to offer it. Lame.

We had guests over last night and they didn't offer to bring anything. I was so glad! People who didn't bow to the pressure of society that they must bring a gift to compensate us for our gift of having them over! The husband briefly apologized for not offering to bring anything and I told him that was fine, that I don't like when people offer to bring things anyway.

So know this: if I ever invite you to my house, do not offer to bring anything. The only things that can be brought are things we could use that night that you would take back with you, like board games. And if you ever invite me to your house, know that I probably won't offer to bring anything. Not out of rudeness, but out of respect for the gift you are offering in inviting me over.

*This blog does not apply, of course, to parties that are explicitly advertised as BYO whatever.

Abortion

I believe that abortion is wrong in basically any case. It's taking a life. Adoption is always an option, so the only time I would bend is if the life of both the baby and mother are endangered by the pregnancy.

That being said, there have been a few ballots now with the same proposed amendment to redefine "person" from the moment of conception. And of course I vote yes, but I don't believe it will ever pass. It's too broad, and it scares people. It scares them into thinking common forms of birth control will be banned. (Which scares me, too.) It scares them because they believe allowances should be made in certain cases, like rape.

Rape is a horrible thing, but I do know someone who was raped and impregnated from it, and she had the baby and gave it up for adoption. An amazingly brave thing to do - and I believe the right thing. Rape is horrible thing, but two wrongs don't make a right. Following it up with murder isn't right.

And despite all that, I think that we need to propose an amendment that makes exceptions for abortions in the cases of rape and incest and that will clearly not abolish any preventatives to pregnancy. Not because I believe the exceptions are right, but because I believe it's the only way an amendment against abortion would ever have a chance of passing. And I'd rather save the lives of 90% of babies that would have been aborted than hold out for the 100% and never get there.

Editor

Whenever people hear that I'm an editor, they think my job means reading things to check for grammatical and spelling errors. That isn't at all what I do.

In fact, there's a whole different position for those grammar and spelling whizzes, and they do it far better than I could. And some of my editor colleagues have admitted their spelling is atrocious.

What I do is this: I help develop the ideas for curriculum: what it will look like, what Bible passages we'll use, what gizmos we'll include, that kind of thing. Then I pass that info along to freelance writers, who create lessons. We go back and forth as they create outlines, 1st drafts, and finals. I help authors refine their ideas throughout that process, making sure they're meaningful and creative, and fit Group's filters. I help them refine questions to be meaningful and discussion provoking. I love helping authors take good ideas and make them great.

Once I've got all the author's manuscripts for a given quarter, I do one final edit to make sure everything flows together nicely and is formatted correctly.

Then I work with our internal team to continue to refine the manuscripts and make sure things get laid out correctly, that everything works the way it should.

I absolutely love my job, because I get to be creative and find ways to improve things. And that's what a Group editor does.

Steady Growth

So often I learn something new...either an interesting fact about the Bible or more often, a life lesson about how I can be a better person...and I think, why didn't I learn this a long time ago?

The fact of the matter is, I really would love to already be perfect. It frustrates me that even when I'm old and gray, I'll still be doing dumb things and hurting people.

But it hit me the other day that if God taught me everything I needed to know to be who he wants me to be before I was 10, it would be overwhelming. I'd be overloaded and perhaps paralyzed by the realization of all those shortcomings at once.

God, in his wisdom, teaches me just what I need to know when he needs me to know it.