Gift

In the book Linchpin, there's a chapter about giving gifts. And real gift giving doesn't expect reciprocity. It's just something given freely.

Well, here in America we have a custom that drives me bonkers and in effort to be polite actually seems quite rude to me. When someone invites you to their house for dinner or a party or whatever, you are supposed to ask what you can bring. I don't mean a birthday present to a birthday party, I'm talking about bringing the bottle of wine, the salad, whatever. To me, it demeans the gift the host is offering.* It's rude, in my mind. It's like saying, "I don't think you can handle everything yourself, so I'm going to bring something." But in our culture, it's rude NOT to offer it. Lame.

We had guests over last night and they didn't offer to bring anything. I was so glad! People who didn't bow to the pressure of society that they must bring a gift to compensate us for our gift of having them over! The husband briefly apologized for not offering to bring anything and I told him that was fine, that I don't like when people offer to bring things anyway.

So know this: if I ever invite you to my house, do not offer to bring anything. The only things that can be brought are things we could use that night that you would take back with you, like board games. And if you ever invite me to your house, know that I probably won't offer to bring anything. Not out of rudeness, but out of respect for the gift you are offering in inviting me over.

*This blog does not apply, of course, to parties that are explicitly advertised as BYO whatever.