I've always loved kids. But even as a teenager, I went back and forth between considering some day having my own. I really enjoy spending an hour or two with kids as a Sunday School teacher or volunteer, but I like the lack of life-commitment that offers. I can choose the age level I want - one without diapers involved. They can't mess up my house from church. They don't cost anything. I don't have to rearrange my whole life to accommodate a child or commit to the rest of my life as a parent. That's a big commitment, and not one I'm sure I want.
But it's hard for me. Dan wants kids someday; I don't really. When we were dating, we were on the same page: we agreed on two kids. But since we've gotten married I've found a job I absolutely love; I've started writing a book; I've developed a greater need for sleep; and I've grown marvelously accustomed to a schedule of relaxation after work. I know that with children I couldn't get my 9+ hours of sleep a night, period. Working full time would be possible, but difficult. Writing a book on top of a full time job would be next to impossible. And relaxation would be 90% thrown out the window.
I'm in a stage of life now where many of my friends are parents or soon-to-be-parents. Four women in my small group are currently pregnant. Four. It's an isolating thing not to want a child in this stage of life. And yet as much as these women rave about how "worth it" it is to have a baby, I see the Facebook posts about the messes their kids make; or how the kids woke her up at 5 am; or getting up in the middle of the night to change bloody nose soaked sheets...and it just makes me shrivel up a little to imagine a life like that.
I find it immensely annoying when people tell me that I need to have a baby. Parenting isn't for everyone. Some of my friends dreamed of being stay-at-home moms, and now they are, and that's wonderful. I love seeing dreams come true. My dream was to be a writer and to develop curriculum. And my dream has come true. I hardly see how I need to add an element to my life that will hinder that dream, particularly when puppies are (in my opinion) so much cuter, and 100x easier to take care of.
When God told us to populate the earth, there were 2 people. Adam and Eve were definitely called to have kids. But now there's almost 7 billion people in the world. We've populated well. So I don't think having children is any longer a mandate for everyone. And I can't turn on the "Mommy Gene." I can't make myself want to have a baby. I just don't want one. No amount of people telling me all about how their child is worth it despite the projectile vomit will change that.
