Words

I was thinking the other day about the power of words. A few months ago a friend and I were chatting about how hurtful words from elementary school teachers still rang in our ears, shaping who we are today.

Comments from each of our husbands have made us think this phenomenon doesn't happen to men as often. Sure, hurtful words hurt, but not years later. They tend to move on. They don't get why we don't.

Women, on the other hand, can't forget these words. It's not that we're purposely holding on to them. They just come to mind to kick us when we're down, to remind us (falsely) that we're just big fat failures with no worth.

I thought of a comparison a couple of days ago to help guys understand this. Last year our small group read a book set getting into the minds of men and women. (For Men Only, For Women Only.) The book for women, about men, said that once a guy sees a sexual image it is burned into his mind. Even if he didn't see it on purpose, maybe it just flashed on the TV screen in an unexpected Victoria's Secret commercial. So in addition to being able to call it up on purpose in a moment of weakness, sometimes these images just come to mind. It's a phenomenon well-meaning Christian men hate, because they can push it out of their mind (with much effort), but they can't keep it from coming in the first place.

I think that's the same power words have over women. Words from years ago. We don't mean to dwell on these hurtful words. Why would we want to? But all of a sudden, often when we are already feeling low, these words just pop into our heads.

Understand, men, we're not just bitter people holding on to every hurtful thing you've ever said. Just like you aren't perverts clinging to every sexual image you've ever seen. We fight to conquer these words, just as you fight to conquer the images. But sometimes we fail. Because after all, that's exactly what the hurtful words have told us we always do.

* Disclaimer: I realize these are generalizations and not everyone will identify with what I've said about their gender. But research from the authors of the book (and the nods of all the men in our group) showed that a majority of men shared this struggle, and the women part is just my theory.

Sacred Marriage: Christ and the Church

This week my blogging group is reading chapter 2 of Sacred Marriage. I have to admit, I struggled with this chapter. It took me a while to figure out why. I was reading about how marital analogies teach us about God, and particularly about Christ and the church, and it was just bothering me for some reason.

And then I figured it out. Thomas writes, "If we are consumed with highlighting where our spouses are falling short, we will miss the divine mysteries of marriage and the lessons it has to teach us." Ah ha!  This made it all click. (Though not until I was a couple of pages later and came back to this sentence.)

Here's what was bothering me. In the analogy of Christ and the Church, he's the husband, the Church is the wife. And the Church isn't perfect. Not even close. So I can identify with that metaphor for my side of things. Church = imperfect; Me = imperfect. Not that that's God's design for the Church, but it's reality. So it makes sense to me.

But Christ is the husband in that metaphor. And Christ is perfect. Ergo, Dan should be perfect. Only he's not (and neither is your husband).

I realize this is a biblical analogy, not one Thomas made up, but it took this book to make me realize that the analogy may cause me to place unrealistic expectations on Dan. It may cause me to highlight where he's falling short, the very thing Thomas warns against. If I'm the Church, he can't look at me and say, "come on Church, live up to your name." I do that just fine - live up to an imperfect comparison. But subconsciously, do I look at Dan's imperfections and think, "come on, Jesus, live up to your name."

Lost Gerbil

Well, today was quite a whirlwind. As I was getting ready, Dan discovered that when I'd closed the gerbil cage last night, the latch hadn't clasped all the way.

I had a moment of relief when I discovered our gerbil Chip was still in the cage. But that moment quickly faded when I realized Sandwich was not.

So my husband and I started tearing the place apart. He even tore the bottom of the couch off (and later re-stapled it) to see if she'd gotten in there. Nothing. I realized we had a humane mouse trap, so I set that up. Then Dan went to get more of the same to set around the house.

But when we got home in the afternoon, the traps were empty. The only sign of Sandwich was that a couple bubble-padded envelopes had been chewed on since the morning. Based on that, some droppings, and the fact that there was no evidence of her anywhere else in the house, we determined she'd likely never left the office/spare bedroom where her cage is. So we put extra traps in there, closed the door, shoved a towel under it, and left the traps to do their work.

When I came back a few hours later to check the traps, I saw a streak of gerbil scamper from the bed to behind the bookshelf. So I blocked off her entry way and set one of the traps at the exit. Fifteen minutes of monitoring later, she'd checked it out several times, even gone in the trap, but not far enough for it to shut on her. So I set a box on its side with some food in it. A few minutes later, she scurried in and I snatched the box up.

I worried and wondered throughout this adventurous gerbil day. Had she survived long after the long fall from the dresser where her cage sat? Would she chew on valuable or sentimental things and destroy them? Would the dogs get her? If they did, would they get sick? Was she enjoying her new-found freedom, or living in fear?

When I caught her, she sure seemed to be fearful. And hungry - very eager to get food from that trap. And it struck me that God doesn't give us limits to kill our fun anymore than I put the gerbil in the cage to kill her fun. I do it because in her cage, I can give her all the food and water she needs. I can keep her safe from the over-eager predators that lurk in our house, licking their chops at the sight of the gerbils. Likewise, it's within God's limits that he can provide for us and protect us best.

Philippians and Colossians Highlights

Past my no-screen time so I'll make this brief. They're pretty short books.

Philippians 1:21 - "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." I'd love to really have this perspective. Not just spout the verse off but really feel like every moment on this life is for Christ, and to really anticipate eternity with him.

Philippians 1:27 - "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." When you really think about it, that's a big call. To be worthy of Christ's sacrifice for us?

Philippians 2:3 - "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Nothing. That's a big word. On my best days I only do a few things out of selfishness. And those days don't come around a lot. But nothing?

Philippians 2:4 - "Do everything without complaining or arguing." This verse sums up exactly who I want to be. The person who just has a good attitude about even the crappy things. Unfortunately, it doesn't sum up who I am most of the time.

Philippians 3 - Really I just love this whole chapter. Probably my favorite in the whole Bible. It's all about how nothing is as awesome as knowing Christ, and that's why we forget what's happened and look ahead towards Jesus, pressing on toward him and eagerly awaiting the day when we will be with him in heaven.

Philippians 4:5 - "Let your gentleness be evident to all." See notes on 2:4.

Colossians 2:6-7 - "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Salvation is about so much more that just "praying the prayer." Truly having faith means we're in a growing relationship, being built up in Christ. This is my problem with the whole "seeker-friendly" movement of the late 90s-early 2000's. Reaching out is great, but if there's no discipleship plan to go with it, all we're doing is maybe getting people to pray an empty prayer.

Colossians 3:23-24 - "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord not for men...It is the Lord Christ you are serving." I try to do this, but I constantly find myself seeking the approval of my superiors and co-workers. I want so badly to be really, truly working for the Lord, not for men.

God's Will

This is kind of a follow-up to my post yesterday about Christians I admire vs. those who make me embarrassed to call myself a Christian.

I remember reading this article in college from larknews.com, which is kind of like The Onion but specifically satirizing Christian topics. If you didn't click the link, I'll summarize: a man dies at the age of 91 without having done anything substantial with his life, because he was waiting for the voice of God to direct him.

Which brings me to an item I didn't list on my blog yesterday: Christians I admire take action. Christians that embarrass me sit around waiting for a tangible sign from God.

It's not that God can't speak to us in miraculous ways today. I believe he can. But he doesn't always. And I think sometimes faith means taking that first step and seeing how it goes. Sometimes, we just need to take action.

There's an old joke about a guy who was sitting on his roof as floodwaters rose, and he prayed for God to rescue him. Someone on a raft came by, and he said, "No thanks, I'm waiting for God." Then someone in a row boat came by, and again he said, "No thanks, I'm waiting for God." A motor boat came by and he gave the same response. Eventually he drowned in the floodwaters, and when he got to heaven he asked God, "Why didn't you rescue me?" And God responded, "I sent you three boats!!"

Sometimes we're so bent on having to see God speak or act in miraculous ways, we miss what he's telling us in everyday life. Like if we're not at a burning bush, God can't be directing us. And so we sit back passively, waiting for that booming voice that will probably never come. God's much more into subtle whispers than booming proclamations, it seems.

Christians

I've been thinking about the kind of Christians that I admire and want to be like, and the kind of Christians that make me embarrassed to call myself a Christian. Because I do want to grow in my faith - but I want to grow more Christ-like, which isn't always more "Christian."

The Christians that make me embarrassed are known for what they are against, like homosexuality or abortion. They picket and are loud-mouthed about their opinions.
The Christians I admire are known for radiating love and care to everyone around them.

The Christians that make me embarrassed stand on street corners and hand out tracks awkwardly, making others feel uncomfortable.
The Christians I admire overflow with Jesus naturally, so that conversations about faith just happen because of their lifestyle.

The Christians that embarrass me always have a cheesy cliche handy.
The Christians I admire respond to everything in humble, authentic prayer.

The Christians that embarrass me reek of phoniness.
The Christians I admire leave no doubt of the sincerity of their faith.

The Christians that embarrass me mindlessly echo things they've heard or read about faith, without thinking for themselves.
The Christians I admire have their own faith journey stories and insights to share.

The Christians that embarrass me get preachy when people do things like swear or drink beer.
The Christians I admire love and accept everyone.

The Christians that embarrass me do all kinds of Christian activities so it's obvious they're a Christian.
The Christians I admire are just obviously Christian.

The Christians that embarrass me do a lot of talking.
The Christians I admire do a lot of asking and listening.

What contrasts would you add to this list?

Isaiah Highlights Part 3 (the end)

The rest of my highlights:

43:2 - "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass over the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." This goes on to talk about how God has ransomed us and will save us. What I love most is the promise that he'll be with us. There are hard times, but he will be with us and keep us safe.

43:18 - "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." I find it so hard to move on from past hurts. I used to bounce back so easily. Now those past wounds become stumbling blocks. But God is doing a new thing, making a way in the desert.

48:18 - "If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like the river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea." Obedience isn't about rigid rules. God's commands are there to protect us, and they bring about peace.

55:2 - "Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Only one thing ultimately satisfies. Everything else brings only temporary delight.

55:9 - "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Thank goodness. I've certainly proven that my ways and thoughts aren't always the best plan!

66:2 - "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." I am so far from humble. But that's the spirit God desires of us. I have a lot to learn about humility.

I skipped a few, but I felt like this series was getting too long, so I'm ending it here.

Isaiah Highlights Part 2

Here are some more of my highlights from Isaiah:

30:15 - "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." We make ourselves so busy, but the real strength is in rest, quietness - relying on God.

30:18 - "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"

30:20-21 - "Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." I love the moments when I feel I've got that kind of tangible guidance.

32:17 - "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Now there's a motivation to pursue righteousness.

33:6 - "He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure."

40:8 - "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." I don't live for this temporary world. I live for the One who stands forever.

I'll stop there for now.

Isaiah Highlights

I finished Isaiah this morning, and here are my highlights:

7:4 - "If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all." God makes it pretty clear all throughout the Bible that he doesn't like wishy-washy faith. You're either in or out. This verse convicted me - am I standing firm?

16:5 - "In love a throne will be established; in faithfulness a man will sit on it—one from the house of David—one who in judging seeks justice and speeds the cause of the righteous." Of all the Messianic prophecies in Isaiah, this one was new to me. And I love the description of Jesus seeking justice and speeding the cause of the righteous.

17:7-8 - "In that day men will look to their Maker and turn their eyes to the Holy One of Israel. They will not look to the altars, the work of their hands." God is incomparable. Nothing in this world deserves our attention over him.

25:1 - "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." This one gave me perspective. When we're going through hard times, we can hold on to the fact that God plans marvelous things well in advance.

25:8 - "The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth." Not much to say about this one - I just look forward to that day.

29:13 - "These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men." This reminded me of DC Talk: "The greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

29:16 - "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it. 'He did not make me'? Can the pot say of the potter, 'He knows nothing'?" Above this world of women who feel they don't look good enough, and  who constantly compare themselves to others in all kinds of ways, there is a Creator who shaped you just the way he wanted you.

OK. This is getting long and I'm not even halfway through Isaiah. I'll stop there and continue tomorrow.

Love & Respect

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I'm in a Sacred Marriage blogging Bible study, and was just reading Ephesians about marriage. And I started thinking back to when our couple's group read For Men Only and For Women Only, books that give you insight into your spouse's mind.

One chapter, I believe the first one, talked about men's need for respect. It likened it to women's need to feel loved. And a lot of the women in our group struggled with that. I mean, we got it, but it seemed hard. Doesn't respect need to be earned? The book talked about how we expect our husbands to love us even though we aren't always loveable, so we need to respect our husbands even when they aren't acting respectable.

I'm just now starting to wrap my head around this. Here's what I figured out. The words love and respect are both verbs. But they are also both feelings. Our husbands are to always treat us with love (and vice versa), even when we aren't being loveable, because that's what Jesus would do.

And we are always to treat our husbands with respect, even when they aren't being respectable, because that's what Jesus would do. And that's how they need to be treated.

But that's all the verb meanings of the word. Like the way you might show love to a colleague who isn't treating you fairly. Or the way you might show respect to a terrible boss because you value your job security (or are just a good, respectful person). It doesn't mean you actually feel love toward that colleague or respect for that boss.

I don't think wives need to earn love, nor do husbands need to earn respect, when we're talking about the verbs. But the emotion, you do need to earn. Not in every moment, but big picture. For Dan to feel love toward me, I need to act loveably most of the time. If that's the case, he'll make exceptions for those unloveable moments, because he knows that at my core I am a woman he feels love for. Conversely, for me to feel respect toward Dan, he needs to act respectably most of the time. Again, if he is a generally respectable person but falters here and there, that won't impact my feeling, because I respect him as the person I know he is.

So...what do you think? Agree or disagree with my conclusion?

Struggling

Yesterday I noticed a theme as I read through my daily Scripture passages.

Psalm 71:14: "But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."

Proverbs 24:10: "If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength?"

Philippians 1:18: Paul, after sharing about being in chains and about people trying to undermine him, says, "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice."

I think one of the hardest things to do is rejoice and have hope in times of trouble. But I loved the way the Proverb I cited puts it. The best way to measure the strength of your faith is to see how well it stands up when you're struggling. Will you, like the Psalmist, always have hope? Will you, like Paul, continue to rejoice?

I know I haven't often (or ever?) done this. I guess that tells you the measure of my strength. But I'm inspired by this theme in my Bible reading. I want to be strong enough to say I will always have hope - no matter what happens. I will continue to rejoice - even in the midst of bad circumstances.

Marriage

So...Ephesians 5 is often cited as a passage about how to be married. Specifically, people look at verses 22-33, and they say that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, and husbands are supposed to love their wives with Christ's sacrificial love, and that's what our roles are.

But reading it in context, I don't think that's what it means. Ladies, we don't get out of the sacrificial love bit. 5:2 says to a general audience: "Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Husbands aren't the only ones called to love with a sacrificial love. We're all called to love that way - not just our spouses, but everyone.

And men, you don't get out of submitting, either. Verse 21 says (still to a general audience): "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Everyone is supposed to be submissive, putting others' needs before their own. Not just to spouses, but to everyone.

The call was tough enough when we thought all we had to do was submit to our husbands and love our wives. But as it turns out, we all have to submit and we all have to love sacrificially. It's how Jesus lived, after all.

Ephesians

I've decided to start a new blogging tradition: blogging about the passages I highlighted when I finish a book of the Bible. I thought this would be a nice recap for me, and a nice way to share what I'm learning from God's Word. And so, without further adieu, I present: Ephesians.

1:3 - "spiritual blessing in Christ." The whole verse is good, but I just highlighted that part. It struck me how often I consider blessings tangible things. Spiritual blessings is a whole separate level.

1:11 - "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." This one struck me because of the last part. We have free will, but ultimately God works it out for his ultimate purposes.

2:10 - "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." One I'd memorized, but a good refresher. We're here for a reason. A specific reason. God has specific things he wants us to accomplish for him. We were created to do those very things. What an amazing sense of purpose.

4:1 - "As a prisoner of the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." What a great piggyback off of 2:10 - we've got this amazing calling to do the very good works God prepared for us. I love this challenge to live worthy of that calling. Not just to do the good works, but to live as one who is clearly working for God in everything.

4:2, 13, 15, 16 - "in love" "unity" "in love" "in love" - It stuck out to me how much the word love was used in talking about unity. We've got to love each other.

4:22-24 - "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desire; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." I feel like this verse captures the journey of faith - putting off our old as we strive to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building  others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." In middle school I recited this verse to those who swear around me. But now it strikes me that this verse isn't so much about abstaining from swearing - it's about considering how each word you say benefits those who listen. Do I build people up, or tear them down?

5:15 - "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." This one challenged me. How much intentionality is there to how I live? Do I make the most of every opportunity to be wise? Do I even recognize those opportunities?

6:12- "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." So often the troubles of this world feel so consuming. We look at the tangible things and get so discouraged, forgetting that in the big picture, we're in this cosmic battle against powerful dark forces. That's why we must wear the armor of God and stand firm.

I have a couple more thoughts on Ephesians that I want to elaborate on in more detail, so stay tuned for that tomorrow!

Sacred Marriage (Ch. 1)

I'm in a blogging Bible study on the book Sacred Marriage. We're all reading a chapter every couple of weeks and blogging about it. I've read this book before, but I think it was during our engagement so I have a very different perspective now. Here are my thoughts on chapter 1.

The point of the book is that marriage isn't about becoming happy, but becoming holy. That like solitude for hermits, marriage can be a spiritual discipline that shapes us into the image of Christ. On page 21, Gary Thomas says, "If you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise." He later talks about immorality like selfishness, anger, control-mongering, and hatred, that can be revealed through the marriage relationship.

In my first reading of the book, I wrote near this section: "True...I've really had to become a lot less selfish and I've learned a lot about my weaknesses." But here's my problem...I think I stopped. I may have learned that in the beginning. But somewhere along the line I think I decided I was good enough as a person. And sure, I could do things to be a more romantic wife, but I didn't need to grow in those spiritual areas. At least not through marriage. It's so not true, but somehow I've convinced myself of that.

And since I convinced myself of that, I think I convinced myself that I am inherently loveable, so it shouldn't be hard for Dan to love me. But just after reading this, I sang a song in church that said, "God, I'm amazed by you...How you love me." And I thought...God's love is amazing because I'm not inherently loveable. It's quite a feat for him to love me, actually. I was expecting Dan to love me like God does, forgetting what a feat that is. And this line from the book struck me: "But my wife can't be God, and I was created with a spirit that craves God. Anything less than God, and I'll feel an ache."

I'm excited to keep reading because this isn't a marriage how-to book. It's a book to help me see marriage as a tool to help me grow closer to God and reflect his character. Because as Thomas writes on page 24, "...what [we] crave more than anything else is to be intimately close to the God who made us. If that relationship is right, we won't make such severe demands on our marriage...expecting each other to compensate for spiritual emptiness."

Debt

So, I'm no expert on federal spending. I don't pretend to be. But my parents raised me to budget, and I know the basic principle of budgeting: don't spend money you don't have.

Now there are certain exceptions, like mortgages and cars (though on that latter one my goal is to minimize or avoid car debt, and on the house you get into it responsibly). But for the most part, I stay out of debt by not spending money I don't have. And that includes planning ahead a bit, saving up for the monthly bills.

There are times when I wish I could just go out to Olive Garden with Dan, or buy that cute blouse I saw in a store window, but I have to say no to those things. Because a meal at Olive Garden would mean we can't afford groceries for 5 or 6 days. There are times when people try to convince me I need cable and all sorts of other things. But I have to prioritize. If I have x amount of money coming in, I need to cover the essentials and then I can decide what to do with the excess. And cable is not an essential.

So I am baffled to hear about the trillions and trillions of dollars of debt our country has accumulated. It just seems so irresponsible to me. Like I said, I'm no expert on where all this money is going. But I imagine there are research projects that are great, but could wait. And inflated salaries that could be trimmed. And I know there've been bailouts that seem a bit excessive, to say the least.

I know that not everyone agrees about what's important. But congress or whoever just needs to sit down and say, "OK...this is how much we have coming in annually. This much is how much we need to set aside each year so we can pay off our $15 trillion dollar debt in a reasonable amount of time. This is how much we have leftover. These are the things we're going to put it towards. Everything else will have to wait until we've paid off our debt."

I know I'm not in the thick of it. But it seems like it would just be a much-bigger-scale version of what I do in managing a household budget. So just fix it, people!

This Broken World

Today's the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. So I was thinking about that day, ten years ago. I remember distinctly being in journalism class, around 10 am. Senior year of high school. We had no TV, no radio, no way of knowing what had already happened. Our assignment was to look at newspaper articles from that day's paper. I forget what we had to do with them.

But I'd had a similar assignment in elementary school and I remember thinking then how hard it was to find good news at the time. And on this day in 2001, I had a hard time finding an article that was bad news. I was really impressed. Completely oblivious to the tragedy our country was facing, I was thinking, "Wow! There's a lot of good news today! Maybe our world is getting a little better."

Then it was lunch time. And word was spreading about the attacks. My friend Mindy was the one who told me about the news. She just had little pieces of information - news was limited in the confines of our high school. I didn't even get what a big deal it was until my next class, where I got more info from my teacher (who'd listened to the radio over lunch).

But looking back I realize how foolish I was to put hope in this broken world. It was busted within an hour, as well it should've been. Our world is full of tragedy, most not as personal as 9/11 was for our country. But every day this world is facing tragedies. There's no hope in what this world has to offer, because it's full of sinful people, some hateful enough to kill mass numbers of people.

No, the only thing worth hoping in is Jesus. He is the one who will never let you down.

Comfort

I always felt bad for Job, not just because he loses all of his stuff, but because his friends won't shut up about how he must've done something terrible to deserve this tragedy. Some friends!

But then I think, although we don't tend to offer quite the same message to our grieving friends today, we do have a tendency to try to fill the silence with cliches. "Just trust God." "God has a plan for you." "Just pray about it."

It's not that any of those phrases are incorrect. It's just that sometimes, things suck so bad that you just don't have it in you to trust God or hope in his plan. Sometimes, you can't even muster the strength to pray. And cliches and Christianese aren't going to change that. Sometimes those cliches make you feel like a worse person, because you don't want to trust God at that moment. So now you're grieving and you've got a guilt trip.

I was going through a bad break-up in college and facing these kinds of comments from my well-meaning friends. It was certainly better than Job's friends, but I just wanted someone to commiserate, not try to fix it.

And then one day, I wandered into the room across the hall. To be frank, I can't even remember who lived there now. But she knew what I was going through, at the time. I sat down on her bed, crying, and she just got a box of tissues and sat down next to me. She didn't try to fill what was probably an uncomfortable silence for her. She just put her hand on my back, handed me a tissue, and let me cry.

That was the most comforting thing anyone has ever done for me. That was the thing that made me feel like I could get over this. (That and a full-sized carton of Edy's ice cream that had to be eaten in one sitting since I didn't have a freezer.) Not the cliches, not the Bible verses, but the silence of someone who would just let me express my grief without making me feel like I was a bad Christian for being sad.

Sometimes the most comforting thing you can do is nothing. Don't spout out Bible verses and Christian cliches. Just grab a box of tissues and let the griever cry it out.

Prayers

When I was in third grade, there was a raffle every day in our classroom, and the winner got to choose 7 pieces of candy. Whenever I won, I chose all Smarties.

And I often prayed before the drawing that I would win. Despite the selfishness of my prayer, it worked.  I won an inordinate amount. So one day my classmate asked me why I won so often. And I told her I prayed that I'd win. She asked me to pray for her to win that day, so I did. And she won.

Now looking back, I know those prayers were completely selfishly motivated. But God did use them to help me show a classmate the power of prayer.

Last week I was reading up on Gideon. And I noticed that unlike the judges preceding him, Gideon never seemed to be motivated by protecting the Israelites. Every time he went after the Philistines, it was always for the sake of revenge against something personal they'd done to him.

We do a lot of things for selfish, greedy reasons. But the good news is that God can take even our selfish actions and turn them into something good, whether that's protection from the enemy Philistines or spreading the truth of his power by an answered prayer for candy.

Doubt

I hate before-the-fact smack talk. I'm all for smack talk after a great shot or a big win, but when you're all assuredly like "I'm going to win this!", it annoys me.

Reading Isaiah 36-38 reminded me of that. King Hezekiah of Israel and King Sennacherib of Assyria are about to go to battle. And Sennacherib is basically like, "What up Hezekiah? You got no skills, you got a tiny army, and we're gonna crush you! And it was your God who told us to do this!" Then he gets on the wall to tell everyone in the country, "Don't listen to Hezekiah if he says God's going to help you win. He's not!" (That's all paraphrased.)

Hezekiah tears his clothes, a sign of mourning. He's disturbed by this smack talk for sure. But he sends for Isaiah, who prophecies this (I'm not paraphrasing this part): "This is what the Lord says: Do not be disturbed by this blasphemous speech against me from the Assyrian king’s messengers. Listen! I myself will move against him, and the king will receive a message that he is needed at home. So he will return to his land, where I will have him killed with a sword.”

And Sennacherib, on the brink of another war, takes the time to send this message to Hezekiah: "If your God is telling you you're going to win, he's lying! We've beat all kinds of other gods before, loser!" (Another paraphrase.)

So now Hezekiah is left to decide who to listen to. This voice of doubt, Sennacherib, who has all the military advantages, or a little prophet with a word from God. He goes to the Temple, praises God, and acknowledges his power. He asks for God's help.

And then at night, while everyone is sleeping, an angel of the Lord goes to Assyria and kills 185,000 people. BOOM. Take THAT Sennacherib! (Sennacherib, as predicted, returns home, and his sons kill him with swords.)

I was reading this and thinking about the voices of doubt in my own head. How I often hear one voice saying, "No way, you can't do that!" and another voice saying, "God will help you! Go for it!" And unlike Hezekiah, I often fail to recognize the true power of God to help me. And I listen to that voice of doubt.

But if God can defeat 185,000 men without any human army even having to fight, he can surely conquer anything I'm doubting in my life.

Perseverance

"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." - Hebrews 12:1-2

As I mentioned in my blog "Rhythm", I've been running daily lately. But when I say running, I really mean alternating between running and walking. Before my new rhythm, I used to run here and there, pretty sporadically, so I kinda reached a running-to-walking ratio that I got stuck at. Probably about 70% running, 30% walking. I had my designated spots to switch from one to the other.

Now, I'm only going 1.5 miles. So to some of my avid running friends, that might seem like an easy run. But I've always been more of a 30-yard-dash kind of person, without the stamina to run long distances. And 1.5 miles is long to me.

So now that I've been running/walking that same route daily for over a week, I decided to try gradually stepping it up. I've added a cool-down walk around my block (increasing the mileage from 1.25 to 1.5), but I'm working towards running straight through the rest of it. No walking breaks. (Peanut will be thrilled. She hates when I stop to walk.)

I've gotten to probably about 90% running, 10% walking (not counting that final cool down). Two walking breaks, each less than a block. But man, I've been struggling to keep running on those long paths in between breaks.

Yesterday as I pushed myself to keep going, the verse above came into my head. Along with Philippians 3:14, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

And I thought about whether or not I put the same effort into pressing on toward Christ and running the race with my eyes fixed on him. (And as luck would have it, thinking about these things totally distracted me from the difficulty of the run.) I prayed that God would give me the same determination to fix my eyes on him and press on toward his goal that I have to run 1.25 miles without any walking breaks.

Steady

I recently posted about my experience with See You at the Pole in high school. And before I posted that, I was talking with someone at work about the persecution we went through in those days. She was particularly struck by the fact that people stoned us.

"How did you stand firm in your faith in that kind of environment?" she asked.

"Well, I'm kind of a go-against-the-crowd kind of person," I replied. "I found it a lot easier to stand firm in my faith there than I did at Wheaton, where everyone was a Christian. In high school there was no wishy-washy faith. You were either all in, or all out."

Ever since I graduated, I've spent most of my time in all-Christian environments. Christian college. Working at a church. Working for a Christian company. And it's definitely put my faith to the test. Some people wonder if they're strong enough to hold their ground in faith when they face opposition. I've had to see if I'm strong enough to hold my ground in faith when there's not opposition. When I don't need to stand out and shine Jesus' love, because everyone around me is at least presumed to be a Christian. (And within a few months of being in that infamous Wheaton bubble, I found it really hard to even talk to someone who wasn't a Christian.)

They say the church is thriving in countries where Christianity is taboo. And the church is dying in this "freedom of religion" country. I think it's because being a Christian in a persecuted environment makes you really think about what you're doing, and whether it's worth it. You can't just say you're a Christian or go through the motions and not really be one—because that's definitely not worth the risk, whether it's being stoned at a school flagpole or being put to death.

Questions

I'll admit it: I'm a fan of Desperate Housewives. And there's an episode in Season 4 that has stuck with me for a long time.

In it, Lynette has just overcome cancer and nearly lost her family in a tornado (but they were fine). And she has questions about God's goodness. And about why she survived these things when so many others don't. So she decides to turn to church.

She'd never been to church, not even as a kid, but she went with Bree. And when the preacher was finishing his sermon, she raised her hand and asked her question. And started dialoguing with the preacher.

Well, Bree was mortified and told Lynette that church isn't about asking questions, it's about listening for the answers. Lynette wasn't satisfied and sought another church.

But I think Lynette was on to something. She was making church into an active, participatory experience.

Because if faith isn't meant to be passive, why is it that the crux of communal faith (church) is so passive? And what does that do to our natural tendency to live a passive faith in day-to-day life? To sit in our metaphorical pews and watch someone else live out faith? How does our church model discourage thinking for oneself about faith, and instead teach us to blindly accept the words of the "experts"? (What could we have to offer when we've got a seminary grad on stage?)

And what if I had the courage to raise my hand and ask questions in church like Lynette did? Ah, but I wouldn't. Because I've been going to church long enough to know that's not how it works. Unlike Lynette, I know that church culture is to sit obediently and listen, maybe throwing out the occasional "amen" if your denomination is OK with that or you're really brave.

I went to church yesterday. The sermon was about godly words. One of the points was that godly words are few, and I found it ironic that someone could talk uninterrupted for over half an hour and part of the talk could be about having few words.

He also said something about "attending church" as a mark of Christianity. And I thought about that phrase, "attend church." We use it so often, so casually, we don't think about it. But what if the verb that goes with church wasn't "attending" like you do with a play or a class, but experiencing? What if we could truthfully say we "experience church" every Sunday?

I've talked to numerous people at Group about my frustrations with this passive thing we call church. Many of them share my frustrations. Thom Schultz, our founder and CEO, blogs about it often. (I had a link to his blog, but it looks like it might've been hacked today.) I think it's because we know there's a better way to learn. To discover. To explore. And we're frustrated that no one is doing it in "big church."

Lies Churches Believe about Small Groups

I've really been wanting to find a small group that is interactive, in-depth, and fellowship-based. I've looked at a number of church websites and I find the same disturbing trends to be true. And they are all based on lies or old cultural expectations. Here are some lies churches seem to believe.

1) Small groups do not need to be interactive; therefore a DVD and a short discussion period will suffice.
2) No women have jobs outside the home. Not a single one. So a good time to have all your women's small groups is during the work day, so they have evenings and weekends free to serve their hard-working husbands. (OK...I may be exaggerating on that last part.)
3) All women enjoy crafting, so be sure women's events revolve around that. (After all, what good is a wife to her husband if she can't knit him a sweater?)
4) Women's identity is wrapped up in being a mother, whereas men have an identity apart from being a father.
5) All people in their 20s are single.
6) All married people have or will have children.
7) It is best to make groups very specific based on the above beliefs, rather than making all-inclusive groups that vary in gender, age-range, and stage of life. We don't need to worry about excluding anyone with our uber-specific groups, since all of our stereotypes are obviously true for everyone.*

* The good news is, we found a church that offers mixed-age groups that are on various biblical topics and are NOT DVD led. So I'm gonna try that out. Sadly for Dan, they all met during his work hours.

My Life and Lesser Catastrophes

I just finished reading a memoir...I think the first memoir I've actually completed. I've never been much for memoirs.

I picked up this one because it was by one of the authors I've worked with, Christina Schofield, so she sent me a free copy. But once I started reading I found it hard to stop.

Since the writing I've had Christina do has been curriculum instructions, I hadn't gotten a glimpse of the elegance with which she tells a story. But man, is it amazing. She tells of her tragedy in such an authentic, captivating way. With light-hearted moments of laughter sprinkled in.

And even though I've never experienced anything like the tragedy she has (her husband becoming a quadriplegic after a motorcycle accident), I found so much of what she said strangely relateable. Because that's just how she wrote it. I think that's always been my hang-up with memoirs. I never feel like I can relate to what the author is saying, so I give up after a couple of chapters. I don't think anyone will find that a problem with this book.

Even though I know Christina (at least, through email) and had gotten updates as I prayed for her through this, I realized as I read that I had no idea the grand scope of what she was experiencing. I found myself wanting to skip to the end, but stopping myself because I so wanted to experience the real journey alongside of her.

What struck me most about My Life and Lesser Catastrophes is how even in her doubting moments, even in acknowledging her weaknesses, you could see this unwavering faith shining through her. I've wavered in my faith for much less tragic circumstances.

Her journey has so much to offer readers in encouragement and inspiration. Plus it's eligible for free super saver shipping on Amazon...so you should definitely check it out.

Rhythm

I've been trying to get into a better rhythm lately. In the past when I've tried a regular sleeping schedule, I would still find myself hitting snooze to much and oversleeping once I got used to it. But I'm trying it again, and hoping that this time it will work better.

So every night at around 10 (sometimes I'll fudge that to 10:15), I turn off all screens. No more computer, no more TV. I start getting ready for bed, then read or do word puzzles or something else relaxing until 11, when I go to bed. So far I feel that this no-screen time right before bed is helping my body shut down better for a deeper sleep.

Then my alarm goes off at 7. Which it always did, but the problem was that a certain little Peanut would ring her potty bell between 6:30 and 6:45 every morning, waking me up. And when that happened, it was just a little too early, but if I went back to bed I didn't get up until at least 8:30. I don't do well with cat naps. 99% of the time, I opted for the extra time in bed.

So Dan's been letting out the dogs again before he goes to bed, and that seems to work well enough for Peanut to get on my schedule. They still wake up before me - every morning lately all four of their "chew sticks" are strewn around the room, sometimes accompanied by a toy or two. (Biscuit has a bit of a chew stick addiction...) But they don't wake me up, so when my alarm goes off at 7, after two snoozes (I still can't swing the no snooze thing...), I am up and running.

Literally, running. I'm trying to do it daily. I've done it for 5 days straight, and I'm shooting for 23 straight days because that's how long it takes to create a habit. Peanut has LOVED this development! Biscuit, who gets left behind, not so much. We go this route that's 1.25 miles, then I cool down as I read my Bible before a shower. On the weekends I'm planning to go 3 miles instead, which is my route twice, and then around our block twice.

So far, I feel really good with my new rhythm. I hope it lasts!

See You at the Pole

It's September, and September means See You At the Pole! This year it's on September 28th, and even though I'm not in school anymore, I still get excited.

When I was in high school, I dealt with my fair share of opposition when I planned our school's See You at the Pole. Like torn down posters, one even found in the toilet. And one year, a principal who wasn't so sure it was legal to pray on campus. (I took it to the super intendant and got it taken care of.)

But the most memorable event of See You at the Pole was the year kids starting throwing rocks at us. There was a moment when I wondered, will people leave? But no one left. In fact, upon seeing our persecutors, more kids started to join us. And the rocks stopped. In the end, it turned out the be the biggest SYATP turnout of all my years in high school. What those kids with the rocks didn't realize is that God's power was so much bigger than their rocks.

And that's why SYATP is so close to my heart. Why I pray for students as they prepare for it and face their own opposition. Students, no matter what happens, remember: God's power is greater than any problem you face.