Words

This week's sermon was about James 3. We've been going through James at church, and while I'm somewhat familiar with the whole book, I'm really familiar with the taming your tongue section. Not that I felt I couldn't learn anything from the sermon, because God knows my tongue is far from tame...but I didn't expect to make any new discoveries. Just to be re-challenged to shut my yapper.

But instead, the pastor took James 3 in a totally different direction than I'd ever thought about. He talked about the power of words. That just as the rudder of a ship can power the large vessel, our words have that kind of power. But not just to do damage (like wildfires)...to change the course of history. Our words have the power to change lives for the better.

Think about this: what are the most memorable negative words anyone has ever said to you? For me, a friend in college said of a guy who'd just broken my heart, "He probably just didn't think you were worth it." And for 9 years, those words have haunted me no matter how hard I try to push past them. Nine words, spoken by a college student...probably a lifetime of wondering if I'm worth it.

And that's what I always thought James 3 was about. Watch your words because you don't want to be the person who tells someone something that will land them in counseling for years. You don't want to be the offensive racist who loses her job because she used the "n" word once years ago. And I say all kinds of things without thinking, so I need to tame my tongue in the shut-your-yapper sense.

But think about this: what are the most memorable positive words anyone has ever said to you? The first ones that come to my mind happened in middle school, back in 1997. I was whining about something when a classmate said to me, "It takes very little in life to be happy. Take that quote and fly with it." A middle schooler said that! And here we are, 16 years later, and when I'm having a bad day I often think back to that moment, and it helps me regain perspective. 16 words, spoken in adolescence, have changed my outlook through many problems. (It was a complete coincidence that the 9-year quote was 9 words and this one was 16.)

James 3 doesn't just mean shut your yapper. It means speak up. Speak up for what's right. Be a voice for the voiceless like Martin Luther King, Jr. Speak words of inspiration like my middle school classmate. Make someone's day with a word of encouragement or a friendly compliment. Your words are powerful...so use them!

Superman has amazing powers. And he could've used them for evil—that's like the negative side of taming your tongue. But he also could've not used them at all. He could've said, "well I don't want to hurt anyone with my powers...but I'm not going to go to any effort to use them for good." And I realized, that's what happens when we think James 3 means to shut your yapper. We miss out on using something very powerful to do a lot of good and change the world.

And how do you tame your tongue? Not by trying to tame your tongue. Your tongue's job is to broadcast what's in your heart. Ask God to change your heart so that your tongue uses its powers for good.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Reedemer."
- Psalm 19:14

Outspoken

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my mouth and the things that come out of it. On the one hand, I've been convicted about some of the hurtful and unthoughtful things I've said. It's no secret I have strong opinions about pretty much everything, and I need to learn to keep them to myself sometimes. I'd like to get the perpetual taste of my foot out of my mouth.

But in the past couple of weeks, I've also gotten two compliments from co-workers (with whom I don't work particularly closely) about my outspokenness in meetings they've attended with me. One said she was amazed at the things I was willing to say to leadership—and that they were good things to say. The other said he thought I could be proud of how I am willing to speak up for the edification of all who are listening. High praises! How encouraging! I guess I don't need to just stop talking altogether.

So, I've been praying that I would learn to maintain the good parts of my outspoken nature but lose the foot-in-mouth ones. I've been reading through Psalm 40 verse-by-verse, and today I got to verse 9: "I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as you know, O Lord." I laughed out loud when I read that second part. God sure knows I don't seal my lips. (I recently attempted to do a day of semi-silence, speaking only when I needed to ask a question or something in order to get my work done, and when asked questions. I didn't do so well...)

Anyway...the first part of Psalm 40:9 really captured the person I want to be. A person who boldly proclaims what is right and helpful to those listening. Who isn't afraid to stand up and proclaim when I have wise things to proclaim. But also, a person who can seal my lips when what I have to proclaim doesn't have anything to do with righteousness. What I really need is the wisdom to know the difference.

Words

I was thinking the other day about the power of words. A few months ago a friend and I were chatting about how hurtful words from elementary school teachers still rang in our ears, shaping who we are today.

Comments from each of our husbands have made us think this phenomenon doesn't happen to men as often. Sure, hurtful words hurt, but not years later. They tend to move on. They don't get why we don't.

Women, on the other hand, can't forget these words. It's not that we're purposely holding on to them. They just come to mind to kick us when we're down, to remind us (falsely) that we're just big fat failures with no worth.

I thought of a comparison a couple of days ago to help guys understand this. Last year our small group read a book set getting into the minds of men and women. (For Men Only, For Women Only.) The book for women, about men, said that once a guy sees a sexual image it is burned into his mind. Even if he didn't see it on purpose, maybe it just flashed on the TV screen in an unexpected Victoria's Secret commercial. So in addition to being able to call it up on purpose in a moment of weakness, sometimes these images just come to mind. It's a phenomenon well-meaning Christian men hate, because they can push it out of their mind (with much effort), but they can't keep it from coming in the first place.

I think that's the same power words have over women. Words from years ago. We don't mean to dwell on these hurtful words. Why would we want to? But all of a sudden, often when we are already feeling low, these words just pop into our heads.

Understand, men, we're not just bitter people holding on to every hurtful thing you've ever said. Just like you aren't perverts clinging to every sexual image you've ever seen. We fight to conquer these words, just as you fight to conquer the images. But sometimes we fail. Because after all, that's exactly what the hurtful words have told us we always do.

* Disclaimer: I realize these are generalizations and not everyone will identify with what I've said about their gender. But research from the authors of the book (and the nods of all the men in our group) showed that a majority of men shared this struggle, and the women part is just my theory.