Stress

Dan asked me the other day how I deal with stress. I told him that if it gets to be ongoing, I try to find solutions. Like at work, if I feel I perpetually have too much on my plate, I'd raise the issue with my supervisor. But I also told him that this month, I knew it would be nuts. Between going to Chicago for a week for a conference, helping with a banquet, and planning a career day for 5th graders, on top of all my normal tasks, I knew October would be nuts. So in that case, I did my best to work ahead and I try to keep in mind that this level of stress is temporary. (I also let myself let go of some things. Like ordinarily, I deep clean one room a week so that in a month, the whole house gets deep cleaned. I decided no one would die if I skipped deep cleaning in October.)

I've been thinking about it since then, and I think my regular sleep and exercise habits have helped, too. Even though when you've got a ton on your plate, sleep and exercise seem to be the first things to go, I think they are important to helping you feel energized to take on the tasks you have more efficiently. Spending time with God is important, too. I feel ready for the day when I've spent time in the Word and in prayer.

I am an avid list maker. When I'm stressed and pressed for time to tackle everything on my to-do list, I add time goals to each task. That helps keep me on task. And I offer myself reasonable breaks if I can meet my goals. As long as I'm on schedule, a half hour break to watch a TV show is no problem. Planning the breaks is important, too. Not necessarily what I'll do, but how much time I can afford to take one. If you don't figure that out, you can end up spending a couple of hours on Facebook before you realize you've just wasted two hours. (And speaking of distractions, I try to minimize my distractions when I have a lot to do. If possible, I work from home, where I can concentrate better. If I don't need the internet, I turn off my Wi-fi so I can't go to Facebook without having to consciously think about it.)

Today's snowstorm was a perfect picture of what happens when stress overtakes you. First of all, the planning ahead is important. God designed seasons for a reason...fall generally ends before winter begins so that the trees are bare and don't collect such a heavy weight of snow. But many of the trees in our area still had a lot of leaves, and as a result, they gathered a huge, heavy weight of snow. That's a great example of how planning ahead when you know a stressful time is coming is important.

Under the weight of the snow, branches all over town fell down. Huge ones. We lost 7 or 8 just in our yard. And I thought about how one flake of snow was the final straw for that branch. Just one flake, one little flake added to the pile, was enough to crack giant trees in half. Stress can be like that—all those little things add up until we crack over some silly little thing.

And after we'd lost those branches, my neighbor came out and started shaking them to ease the burden of the weight of the snow. I thought that was a great picture of the other ways I handle stress. By easing the burden, you can keep yourself from cracking under the pressure.

And it's worked, so far. Those heavy-laden branches popped right back up and have been sitting pretty, free of a burden too great to carry. That's how I want to live. That's how I want to deal with stress.

Spirits

With Halloween approaching, I thought I'd blog about my beliefs on ghosts and evil in the world.

I don't believe in ghosts. I do believe in evil spirits. The difference is that ghosts are the alleged spirits of those who have died, lingering in this world. I don't believe that can happen. But I do believe in evil spirits—Satan's minions who do things to invoke fear in people. And I believe that often, they may return to places where evil has triumphed to invoke this fear. I think houses where murders or other terrible acts have occurred can be haunted—not by the ghosts of the victims, but by the evil spirits that came with the evil acts.

I believe in seances. There is biblical evidence for this being a possible thing. (King Saul consults with a witch to bring back Samuel's spirit for military advice.) The Bible is also clear that this is wrong, and not something to be messed with.

I think most of Halloween is light-hearted fun. I love dressing myself and my dogs up in costume, handing out candy, and carving pumpkins. Even "haunted" corn mazes and the like don't bother me, because I don't believe these things truly tap into the power of evil.

I've only had one really spooky experience of my own. It was on my honeymoon. Dan and I were lying in bed and all of a sudden we both got really creeped out. We could just sense this evil presence. It wasn't anything physical—no lights flickered and no inanimate objects got inexplicably moved—but there was this sense that there was evil around us.

We turned on all the lights and prayed in each room of the house. We used Jesus' name a lot. I believe there is a lot of power in his name to triumph over evil. The demons in demon-possessed people of the gospels sure feared him. We felt the presence strongest right under the attic door. So we slept in a downstairs bedroom that night, with all the lights on.

I don't know if someone who had stayed in that house prior to us had done some kind of evil, pagan practice. But it's quite possible. Satan certainly welcomes invitations into our lives, and that's why I don't think evil/occult things are things to mess with.

I know that among Christians, there are a lot of differing views on Halloween. I don't claim to have all the right answers, but having thought through my own experiences and how I understand the Bible, these are the conclusions I've reached.

Nice

I've been convicted lately about the way I treat people. I've been known to poke fun and be sarcastic with people I feel comfortable with. But I've realized that even though some people can take teasing better than others, no one likes to be made fun of.

I started thinking about people more as a whole. The things I don't know about them. Like what it was like for them growing up. Did they feel like they had to earn their parents love? Like they could never make them proud? Did they have to grow up too fast because of a dad who left or an illness in the family?

And I think about the things I don't know about their lives now. Are they supported at home? Do they have people they know really care about them? Are they lonely?

And I started thinking about how I don't know what people's sensitive spots are. I think on most things I'm fairly thick-skinned. But you get me at a soft spot and zing does that hurt. So what if I hit another thick-skinned person in their weak spot?

So I've decided to try to be nicer to people, and cut back on teasing. Even if it's so-called "good-natured." Because even if they had loving, supportive parents and now have a loving, supportive spouse and set of friends, everyone can use a little extra TLC. And if they had a rough childhood and are struggling with feelings of worthlessness now, I don't want to contribute to those feelings.

238

This is my 238th blog post on Blogger. I've posted thousands of blogs over the past 6 years, but the other places I've blogged didn't give me a handy dandy counter so I knew when 238 would come along.

So, why is 238 an important milestone? It's a fun family thing, that comes from a friend of the family. You see, in Rhode Island (where I grew up), the government officials get low-numbered license plates. But then there's a whole series of license plates that are low, but higher than the number of government officials we have. These are coveted plates. Apparently it's desirable to have a plate that might be confused with that of a government official?

So our family friend ended up with the number 238. And he was very proud of it. And then he started noticing the number 238 all over the place. Like a bill would come to $2.38. Or he'd look at the clock right at 2:38. Well, once our family learned this, we started looking for 238. And what do you know, we saw it all over the place too. For as long as I can remember, I've gotten a little thrill upon seeing the number 238.

Sometimes we'll even notice combinations of those digits, like 328 or 832. We point those out, too. We've even gone so far as to say things like, "Well, it's 11:38, but 1 + 1 is 2, so it's like 238." (Yes, we are all nerds. In case you thought it was just me.)

One time when I was maybe 11 or 12, my sister pointed out that we probably only see 238 so much because we're looking for it. We decided to test this theory with another random number, 154. And although we didn't see it as often as 238, it did start popping up a lot.

The point is this: you see what you are trying to notice. Whether it's a silly combination of numbers, or things to complain about, or blessings to express thanks for - if you're looking for it, you'll find it. What are you trying to notice?

Octomom

Meet Octomom. She is the resident wolf spider in our IT department. A few months ago she was haunting the exterior wall by the ID badge swiper, scaring many Groupies, when a couple of IT guys caught her and got her a cage. I have to admit - though I was terrified of her when she was on the loose, there is a certain curiosity about seeing such a large spider when she's confined to her plastic cage. It's a still-somewhat-scared curiosity, and I was the one who encouraged the spider abortion a couple months ago when she laid an egg sack. I certainly never felt any feelings of concern or care for her.

Until today. When she became Septomom. She eats crickets for food, but as my IT friend Anthony learned the hard way, apparently too many crickets at once can gang up on her. And, as a last ditch effort to save themselves when under attack, spiders will gnaw off their own legs and sacrifice it to their attackers. Which is how today, when Anthony came to work, he found a seven-legged spider and a group of crickets happily munching on her leg.

She was trying to climb up on the wall today, like she's doing in this picture. But with her seven legs, she was struggling and couldn't do it. And for the first time, I felt genuine care for Septomom. I really felt terrible that she had to give up her leg - to gnaw it off by herself - and now to be handicapped.

Sometimes there are people who are just unlovable. Maybe they're mean. Maybe they're rude. Maybe they're fine, but they just clash personalities with you. And it's easy to see those people the way I saw Octomom. You might interact with them, but actually caring for them? That's a little harder.

Whether or not you can see the torn off leg, everyone has wounds. And when you start to see the wounds those people have - their metaphorical sacrificial leg - you begin to see them differently. You begin to understand them better, to care for them, to empathize with them.

Copyrighted

You know those super cheesy Christian t-shirts that take a common brand logo like Wii or Snickers and turn it into some lame Christian saying?

Well, aside from the fact that they commercialize Christianity in a ridiculous way, they are copyright infringements. And it really bothers me that Christians can get away with these things.

I imagine the reason is because Mars Candy Corporation isn't going to go after a little Christian t-shirt company. They'd look like the bad guys, this big corporation picking on the sensitive little Christians. And that's bad PR. Better to swallow the copyright infringement than risk ticking off a huge percent of their customer base.

Like I said, it bothers me that Christians can get away with this. Because it's wrong. Copyright infringement = stealing. And stealing in order to commercialize faith is worse than just commercializing it. It bothers me that the big corporations like Nintendo and Mars can't defend themselves when they're the ones in the right, because they'd look like bullies.

Churches violate copyright laws all the time, too. Showing movies without a license? Copyright violation. (And if you read the FBI warning you know that's a pretty hefty fine, plus jail time, if Warner Brothers or Disney were to call you on it.) Singing songs (yep, even those Christian choruses) without a CCLI license and/or without giving credit to the artist? Copyright infringement. Making a recording of your youth worship band singing copyrighted songs and selling it as a fundraiser? Copyright infringement. Making copies of a chapter in a book so your small group members don't need to buy their own copies? Copyright infringement, unless the book specifically tells you it's OK.

Let's not play the victim to get away with theft, Christians. Do the right thing, stop stealing—even if you could get away with it.

Labels

I've been thinking lately about labels. At workcamp this summer, they did an exercise where they stuck a nametag on themselves with something people had said about them. It could be good or bad: smart, beautiful, rich, or dumb, ugly, poor. Either way, the name tag was torn off and they came forward to hear that they were beloved children of God.

A similar exercise was done last week at Kidmin, only with labels about your ministry. Success or failure, good enough or not good enough. Then a slide show came up with words describing how God sees us.

And all of this got me thinking that labels don't have to be negative to be bad. Elle Woods in Legally Blonde is labelled as rich and beautiful—but that's all people can see her as. No one believes she really has the intelligence to succeed as a lawyer. Another person I know is extremely intelligent, but sometimes feels as if that's her only value to those around her. It's nice to be thought of as beautiful or smart, but when that becomes your sole worth to the world, you've become just an object. You feel like who you really are is lost behind this mask of the one thing people say about you.

The problem with labels, positive or negative, is that pretty soon they become the sum of what you are. This is one of my concerns about being a mother. Many of the mothers I know seem to have only that as their identity. The truth is, we are all so much broader than one or two adjectives can describe.

The thing about the child of God label is that it is the sum of everything we are. God has created us as his children, with all of our specific personality quirks, talents, roles, and the way we look. All of who we are, whether others see that as good or bad, is wrapped up in "beloved child of God."

Tear off any other labels that you're wearing. Don't let one adjective describe you. You, beloved child of God, are exactly who he created you to be.

Learning to Love (Sacred Marriage chapter 3)

I remember remarking to my college roommate, "You know, this is good practice for marriage." Sharing a room, having to make sacrifices for one another, dealing with who will do what chores - these are all helpful things to prepare you for marriage.

But I never really considered marriage as a good practice field for loving others. That's what chapter 3 of Sacred Marriage focuses on. Thomas writes, "I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves and learn to love the 'different.' Put together in the closest situation imaginable...we are forced to respect and appreciate someone who is so radically different."

So often I feel misunderstood. Like there's no one who really gets me and loves me for it. But what if everyone feels that way? What if I'm so focused on myself feeling out of place that I'm neglecting caring for others who need to feel loved? I'm different from Dan, to be sure. But I'm radically different than most people I know. So maybe my differences in personality with Dan are helping me see how to love those I encounter every day who are different.

I do focus on myself more than anyone else. Maybe my puppies come in close. I don't think it's just me. "While our society has become expert in self-care, we seemingly have lost the art of caring for others." I can hardly criticize a society of selfish people when my own life is marked by selfishness.

So I'm going to try to adopt this perspective: marriage is a place to practice love. If I can learn to act lovingly toward Dan no matter what, I can learn to act lovingly to everyone around me.

One more quote I liked, it's by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III, quoted at the beginning of the chapter: "Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another's glory or degrading each other." I pray I can move toward enhancing Dan's glory.

Don't Shoot the Messenger

Reading Jeremiah has reminded me how much people in the Bible hate truth-telling prophets. It's not just Jeremiah. All over the Bible there are evil kings doing evil things, and they would much rather hear happy lies of the good that will come to them than the truth about their imminent demise. And so they persecute the bearers of bad news, as if it's the prophet's fault bad things are going to happen.

But then I think, how well do I take a convicting word? I mean, really...the bad prophecies are generally a result of the evil person's sin. No one wants to hear they'll be dying, or that everything they have will be taken away...but no one wants to hear they've been a wicked rotten person, either.

I've had a few times when a good Christian friend has confronted me about an area I need to grow in. And it's hard not to become embittered toward those people. No, I don't try to kill them. But I'll admit it's caused a rift in more than one relationship - even though I usually later realize they were right.

There's one case in the Bible that sticks out, though. Ironically, the time when the prophet was most reluctant to deliver the bad message: Jonah and the Ninevites. When they hear the news of destruction, they repent, even openly admitting it might not work...but maybe God will yet have mercy on them.

That's the attitude I want to have when I'm confronted with a genuine conviction. I don't want to shoot the messenger. I want to take it to heart and repent.

Motivation

Let’s get one thing straight: I do not enjoy running. I know I’ve blogged about it a couple of times, because I do run 1.5 miles every day, but I’m not one of those people who love running. I feel like those people must be lying, because I can’t imagine how anyone could actually enjoy running.

But I have found that when I run in the morning, I feel better for the rest of the day. Once I stop being all hot and sweaty, I actually find myself with a ton more energy than if I’d slept in.

But because I don’t enjoy the process, it’s sometimes hard to get motivation to do it. Sometimes it’s the same way with reading my Bible. Not that I don’t enjoy it, but Jeremiah isn’t always the most riveting book. Sometimes I don’t want to read it anymore.

While at Kidmin, I was able to keep up my routine (not with such consistent times) of running and reading my Bible every morning. And on the mornings where that meant getting up at 5:20 (4:20 my time), it wasn’t always easy to get out of bed. My motivation was begging me to stay in bed. But in the end, I was always glad I’d run and spent time with God. I felt positive and energetic the whole conference, thanks to the physical and spiritual parts of my morning routine.

There are so many things that don’t seem like the fun thing to do. There are so many times when being lazy or doing the selfish things are what we just long to do. But in the end, doing the right thing is always rewarding.

Poverty

I recently watched a small chunk of the new CBS show, 2 Broke Girls. I turned it off because the brunette lead annoys me and both leads are, in my opinion, bad actors.

But what really bothered me was to see one of the girls pull out her iPhone and go online to check Facebook. I wondered: Has our culture become so greedy that you can own a $500 phone, pay for monthly internet service on it, and still be considered "broke"?

Now I realize that some people may be broke because they have frivolously spent money on things they didn't need (like iPhones), and now they have no money to pay for things they do need (like housing and shelter). And I find it hard to have pity on such people - they got themselves into that boat. And I also realize there are truly broke people in America. But they are not the people with iPhones.

I consider myself middle-class. Not lower, middle. But I had to negotiate $10 a month off our rent. And when my cell phone plan is up (which, by the way, doesn't include a data plan beyond text messaging - which is also not a necessity), I get whatever phone they are offering as a promo for $0-$20. I shop the Kohl's sales. My most expensive pair of shoes cost $25, and I got it with a gift card. I eat out once every month or two.

This is precisely why I consider myself middle-class. I can pay my $10 lower-than-normal rent each month. I have a cell phone. With a text messaging plan, to boot. I have ample clothes from my Kohl's sales. I have more than one pair of shoes. I eat out, ever.

In America, we consider people impoverished if they don't have a choice of what they'll eat for dinner. In the rest of the world, many people are thankful if they can eat dinner at all. In America, we complain about piles of laundry. In the rest of the world, people have one outfit to wear while they wash their only other outfit. If they're lucky.

We are so spoiled that we think smart phones are a necessity. We have no idea how lucky we have it.

Renovation

There is a four-plex down the street that I run past every day. In the past month, they've been doing a lot of renovation. New roof, new siding, new windows, new doors, new trim. Fixing up the landscaping. It's been a big project, and it's been neat to watch the progress.

And then one day I saw a rusted old sink being thrown into a dumpster. And the next day, some dumpy cabinets. And I realized, they weren't just renovating the outer shell of this place. They were fixing up the inside, too.

This is exactly what I've been trying to do with my own life. I've been running for my health and to maintain my figure. But that's all exterior. The real work I want done is ripping out the rusty sinks and dumpy cabinets of my heart. That's why I've also been praying while I run, and spending time in God's Word each day. It had been far too long, and I needed a renovation.

I love this picture that we are a whole package. Beauty is more than skin deep, but our health is important too. By renovating both inside and out, we can be a more whole person.

Broken

I bet you could ask anyone if there's something about themselves they wish they could change, and they would name something. Anyone.

I was reading recently about how deaf people prefer to be seen as a culture, not a special needs group. And I hear the term "handi-capable" instead of "handicapped." Or "differently abled" instead of "disabled." This makes sense to me. No one wants to feel broken. No one wants to feel like there's this kind of standard way everyone should've been created, but God messed up with them. And no one should feel that way. God didn't mess up with anyone.

So here's how I feel broken: my pickiness. It plagues me. I so wish I could change the fact that I am a picky eater. People view me as childish because of my tastes. I face a lot of anxiety in social eating settings, because even if I am eating what everyone else is, comments are often made. "Oh, you have the same tastes as my 5 year old." "Oh my gosh, you don't like lemons???" And it hurts.

I have really strong taste buds. And a really strong gag reflex. And there are some foods I don't like, but can handle. But there are a lot of foods I don't like and can't swallow without throwing up in my mouth a little bit. Sometimes it's not even the flavor, it's the texture. It just makes me gag. People make light of it. They think I'm exaggerating or being a baby. They mocked me when I shared an article with research about this problem that shows it's a real condition.

I don't want to feel broken anymore than those who speak in sign language or are differently-abled. I wish I could go to a restaurant with my co-workers and not feel anxious about it. Or enter a room for a themed pot-luck lunch with the food I brought for myself and not be teased because I need to eat something different.

I am not broken. This is how God made me. And God doesn't make mistakes.

Group

When I was in college, I figured out my freshman year that I wanted to develop children's curriculum for a living. I checked out the websites for the leading Sunday School curriculum publishers, and was very impressed by Group. I hoped to work there one day.

Now I do, and in three years I haven't lost my amazement with our products. Sure, I've had some rough days at work - who doesn't - but I haven't for a second stopped believing in what we do. Group's learning philosophies are so revolutionary, so interactive, that I really believe kids' lives will be changed. And we're constantly learning from customer feedback and from new experiments how to get better and better. I've been applying some of our new filters lately and it just gets me giddy. I know these filters make our products deeper and more applicable than ever.

Before I worked for Group, I got annoyed at how they always seemed to be promoting themselves. Now, I try so hard not to be all commercial about what we produce - but it's hard! Not because I want us to sell more products so I can get a raise (though I'd love one), but because I believe so much in our products that I want to see them change as many lives as possible.

I think another part of what makes Group's products work is our culture. Group is the friendliest place I ever could've imagined working. Our leaders really get to know people's names. They listen to people. People are nice to each other. We approach each other in healthy ways when conflicts arise. It's all a part of working at Group, and it helps us be in a better place to make stellar products.

I am so thankful to work at Group and so honored to be a part of changing lives around the world through the products I work on.

Thessalonians Highlights

I don't have a lot of highlights from 1 and 2 Thessalonians. Honestly, I think they're good books but a little more personally directed than many of Paul's letters. So here's what I got:

4:11-12 - "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." Does something about my life win the respect of outsiders? Or does my tendency to want the latest juicy tidbit of gossip just make me blend in?

4:17 - "And so we will be with the Lord forever." This is in a larger context of talking about Jesus' return. It just makes me so excited to be in the tangible presence of God - forever!

5:11 - "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up." I don't think I do very much encouraging of others. I really need to grow in this area.

5:21-22 - "Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil." I didn't want to highlight this one. It made me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I don't want to avoid every kind of evil! It was precisely my discomfort that drew out my highlighter.

Jeremiah 29:11

If there's one verse I can't stand to hear quoted, it's Jeremiah 29:11. You've heard it, I'm sure: "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Everyone loves it for its sentiment. It feels so happy, like Yay! God's got plans to make every day of my life amazing!

I can't stand it because it's so taken out of context. Jeremiah is, with perhaps this verse being the only exception, a depressing book condemning the people of Judah for their wicked ways. Just listen to some of the things God promises to do:

• Give their wives and fields to other people (8:10)
• Take away their harvest (8:13)
• Send venomous snakes to bite them (8:17)
• Bring distress so great the sound of wailing will be heard (9:19)
• Decrees disaster (11:17)
• Kill the young men by the sword and their children by famine (11:22 - specific to those plotting against Jeremiah)
• Send four kinds of destroyers: the sword to kill; dogs to drag away; birds of the air and beasts of the earth to devour and destroy (15:3)
• Give their carcasses as food to the birds and beasts (19:7)
• Summon enemies to conquer them, banishing the sounds of joy and gladness and making the whole country a wasteland (25:9-11)
• Make them serve King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon (chapter 27)

 It's a pretty bleak picture. And throughout a lot of these, particularly the latter prophecies, God says it will be 70 years of captivity. (Not the 2 years Hananiah predicts in chapter 28 - he later dies as punishment for his false prophecy.)

There are even some texts kind of similar to chapter 29. Like in 18:10 when he does mention good plans, but then says "if [a nation or kingdom] does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."

And then comes chapter 29. A letter to those exiled and in captivity in Babylon, basically telling them, "Settle in. Have kids. Build houses. It's going to be 70 years, as punishment for your evil deeds." Even if you only read 29:10 as context, you get a bigger picture: after the 70 years, God will be gracious and bring them back. Cue 29:11. He isn't saying he has amazing plans for each of their lives. Many of them will be dead in 70 years. Those that are alive will be very old and have spent most of their lives in captivity. He is saying that as a whole, he has good plans for his people once they have paid for their wickedness.

So when you see this verse on graduation cards, what you're really telling the graduate is: "You are a wicked, evil person who will spend three generations paying for your sins. But eventually, God will be gracious to you. So buck up, kiddo, and get used to suffering." When you write it on a get well card, what you're really saying is, "You are paying for your sins with this illness, and it will be a while before things get better." If that's the message you want to send, by all means, keep doing it. But if you want to send an uplifting message in these situations, I'd suggest a different verse.

What NOT to Say When Someone Loses a Pet

When I lost Buttercup, I heard some of the same well-meaning but gut-wrenching "condolences" my uncle had complained about upon the loss of his dog. Those without their own pets may not understand how deep this loss feels. So, when offering comfort to someone who has lost a pet, consider whether you would speak the same words to someone who just lost a human loved one.

Would you say to someone who just lost a grandparent: "At least she lived a nice long life"? You shouldn't - so don't say it to someone who lost a pet. No matter how old the pet was, it doesn't change the fact that the person is grieving a great loss.

Would you say to someone who just lost a parent: "At least you have another one"? Of course not. But I heard this one all the time. Yes, I appreciated having Peanut and Biscuit around when I lost Butters. But they weren't the same as having her. And sometimes, it made it harder. Like when I had to scoop their dinner, it was always a reminder that I was only scooping two bowls now. Or how Peanut got super sad when I watched videos of Buttercup, so I had to sneak it without her noticing.

Would you say to someone who just lost a child: "Are you going to have another one?" It's true, eventually we who have lost pets will probably get another one. But I read recently that getting a new pet just after the loss of one is usually a bad idea, because you expect it to fill the void and be just like the pet you lost. You need time to grieve so you aren't getting another pet just to fill the hole. For someone to imply that another pet could just fill that role really hurts.

Instead of saying things like the above, simply say you're sorry to hear about the loss. Ask how the person is doing. Be a listening ear if the person wants to talk about it. And consider your context before asking questions. For instance, I asked my co-workers not to talk to me about Buttercup because I didn't want to cry at work, and I was having a hard time holding it in as it was. I appreciated that by-and-large, my co-workers respected those wishes.

Introverted

Growing up, I always fell right in the middle of the scale between extrovertedness and introvertedness. I didn't like being alone, and never understood people who valued "alone time." It seemed nuts to me. But I also didn't like being in groups and couldn't understand why people liked parties. I liked being with one, maybe two, close friends, enjoying low-key quality time.

In the past few years, I've noticed a shift in that preference. I've started appreciating alone time. And even though I never used to like being in big groups, I could do it. Now, it really wears me out to have to be really social with a lot of people. I really need time to re-coup after that kind of thing. I'm way further toward the introverted side of the scale than I ever used to be. I still value that one-on-one time with close friends, but I don't need it all the time like I used to.

I share this because I blog to express who I am. I blog to be known. I think there's this desire in everyone to be truly known - and loved anyway. That's why in my blogs I try to express my opinions and thoughts, to be known for what I believe in and what I dwell on during the day.