Learning to Love (Sacred Marriage chapter 3)

I remember remarking to my college roommate, "You know, this is good practice for marriage." Sharing a room, having to make sacrifices for one another, dealing with who will do what chores - these are all helpful things to prepare you for marriage.

But I never really considered marriage as a good practice field for loving others. That's what chapter 3 of Sacred Marriage focuses on. Thomas writes, "I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves and learn to love the 'different.' Put together in the closest situation imaginable...we are forced to respect and appreciate someone who is so radically different."

So often I feel misunderstood. Like there's no one who really gets me and loves me for it. But what if everyone feels that way? What if I'm so focused on myself feeling out of place that I'm neglecting caring for others who need to feel loved? I'm different from Dan, to be sure. But I'm radically different than most people I know. So maybe my differences in personality with Dan are helping me see how to love those I encounter every day who are different.

I do focus on myself more than anyone else. Maybe my puppies come in close. I don't think it's just me. "While our society has become expert in self-care, we seemingly have lost the art of caring for others." I can hardly criticize a society of selfish people when my own life is marked by selfishness.

So I'm going to try to adopt this perspective: marriage is a place to practice love. If I can learn to act lovingly toward Dan no matter what, I can learn to act lovingly to everyone around me.

One more quote I liked, it's by Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III, quoted at the beginning of the chapter: "Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another's glory or degrading each other." I pray I can move toward enhancing Dan's glory.