First Place

As some of my recent blogs indicate, I've been feeling convicted recently about my sense of entitlement. Back around Easter time I blogged about an Easter egg hunt at work where each staff member got an egg. I hadn't known there was going to be any kind of Easter gift, so opening up my egg full of chocolates was a delightful surprise...until I discovered others got cash. Then that ugly part of me came out where I thought, "HEY! That's not fair! Why didn't I get cash?" All of a sudden this bonus candy I hadn't even been expecting wasn't enough. I wanted more.

And I've noticed that tends to be my problem. I'm perfectly content and grateful with what I have, until I see someone else with something better. And then I feel like it's not fair. Like I should get that thing, too. It happens over and over again.

I see myself pushing to be first. First out of my chair at the December staff meeting where we have a free-for-all over gift card categories. (I sat on the edge of a row so I could be first.) First to sign up for a sub-committee of our Community Service Awards team so I can get what I want. Even when I'm giving money to charity I'm selfish and entitled!

So yesterday as I drove to work, knowing we were having some kind of mystery Christmas outing, I prayed that God would help me to reflect his love and humility. I prayed that I wouldn't have that sense of entitlement. That if there was any kind of raffle or silly prizes, I wouldn't expect anything or covet anyone who won something better than me. I vowed to go last if there was anything good to line up for.

And what do you know, God was preparing my heart for a truly selfless outing. There was no "party" as such (though we did go to lunch after), no gifts, no raffle. We split up into teams and went to various non-profits to do charity work. My team went to sort clothes for Homeless Gear. And as I sorted clothes and thought about how even that thick warm blanket I just folded offered little protection on a bitter cold night, I felt a little bit of my entitlement chipping away. I am so blessed. My dogs have more clothes than some of these people. My dogs. How could I ever dare complain that someone else got an Easter egg with $10 in it?

Jesus said that he didn't come to be served, but to serve. The king of the universe came to serve. The king of the universe said if we really want to be first, we should make ourselves last.

So I'm going to try to keep my vow from Monday morning. When there's a cool bonus gift to line up for, I'm going to let others go first. Because I'd rather be first in the kingdom of heaven than get $10 in a plastic egg.