When I was a kid and one of my sisters or I went to my dad with a complaint about a mean comment someone said about us, he always gave the same answer.
"Daaa-aad! Laurie said I'm ugly!"
"Is it true?"
"No."
"Well then don't let it bother you."
I don't know why we continued to go to him with similar complaints. It always went the same way: "Is it true? Well then don't let it bother you."
This principle sticks in my head any time I hear or perceive any kind of negative perceptions about me. It's made it easier for me to let insults roll off my back. Is it true? If not, then I don't let it bother me.
Of course, sometimes it is true. Those are the ones that sting the worst because it hits you right where you're most vulnerable. So if I ask myself, "Is it true?" and my answer is "yes" - it's time for another question. (This didn't come from my dad.)
The question is: Can I change it? If it's true and it's bothering me that someone said it, that means it's a trait I don't like about myself. And if I can work to change it, then I need to do so. And if I'm not willing to do so, I need to not let it bother me that someone said it. If it doesn't bug me enough to fix it, I need to move on.
And if it's true but I can't change it...well, then I need to remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That my frame was not hidden from God when he knit me together. If it's true, and not a sin issue that God can help me change, that means it's a basic aspect of the way God made me. To be insulted by a comment about the way God made me is insulting to God. So these are the times I need to learn to accept the traits I may not be thrilled God gave me, and trust that it is all part of the way he wanted me to be.
Here's a flow chart to visualize my chain of thought:
Insult comes
|
Is it true?
/ \
Yes No
/ \
Can I change it? Don't let it bother me
/ \
Yes No
/ \
With God's help, change Accept that that's how God made me
/ \
(let it bother me enough to change it) (don't let it bother me)
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