Editing

When I was in high school, my job was operating the shot clock at school basketball games. It was a pretty sweet gig and higher paying per hour than most high school jobs were. And it was a lot of fun.

But I noticed that when I would watch college basketball games on TV during high school and into my freshman year of college, my finger would twitch when the shot clock needed to be reset. My brain was so programed to hit that reset button that I did it without thinking—even when there was no button to press.

Fast forward to after college, when I worked for a church in the children's ministry. One part of my job was making the kids' bulletin, and that interfaced with my life, too. I'd look for new kinds of puzzles I could use when I was doing puzzles in my free time, and I couldn't get through a sermon without playing the bingo I'd created...and looking around to see how many kids were using the bulletin.

So it wasn't surprising to me that when I became an editor, it impacted the way I read. To clear up a common point of confusion, I'm a content editor. Although I do fix grammatical mistakes when I see them, my job is making sure content makes sense, fits our filters, and is the best it can be. I do a lot of critiquing, rearranging, and evaluating. Then we have an awesome team of assistant editors who polish it up and make it all consistent and grammatically accurate.

And I noticed almost immediately after starting my job that the speed at which I read books in my free time slowed waaaay down. Because I was constantly critiquing the order of things, and wondering whether the editor made the writer include that sentence...stuff like that.

But recently I realized that editing impacts my life in a far greater way than just the way I read books. And it's not good. I realized that I edit people. When I see someone I haven't met, when I hear someone talk, when I interact with someone...I realized that my brain is editing even then. I'm critiquing. I'm evaluating. I'm thinking of how to make what they do, say, or look like better for the setting.

It's really pretty terrible. It's presumptuous at best. But really...it's just plain sinful. Why am I editing something God made? I think he might know a little better than me. Maybe it's time to edit inward and learn to stop editing people.

Settling In

This post has been percolating in my head since last Sunday. Since just hours after I wrote my post about seeing my neighbors through God's eyes. (I told you he still had work to do.)

Last Sunday I went for a walk with the pups. And when I came back, my new neighbor, one whom I've only been able to see as a caricature of this obnoxious irresponsible drunk, was sitting on her front step smoking.

So me and the pups went over to say hi. And then she and I had a 15-20 minute conversation about random small talk type stuff - the weather, where we'd grown up, etc. And I went into my house feeling like I was beginning to see her as an actual person. Not that anything in this conversation was deeply profound, it was just...a normal conversation. Which was what I needed to start to see her as a normal person.

And then later on, as I sat on my back porch quietly reading, my presence seemingly unknown to her, I got a glimpse into an area of pain in her life. And that's when I first started to see her through God's eyes. No longer a caricature, and not simply as a normal person, but as a normal person with real struggles and pain. A normal person who needed to know she was valuable and loved.

And in fact, I had something to offer her to help with this pain. And I don't mean a simple religious answer—I need to build a relationship with her to get there. I mean I knew of someone who might be able to help her. I tried to be non-invasive about it—she hadn't opened up her pain to me on purpose—but I gave her a pamphlet and said maybe it could help her. I realized as soon as I heard her pain that this was the way I was meant to speak up and use my powerful words this week.

You see how everything God's been teaching me is all tying together?

Fast forward to Tuesday. I went to Anchor, a 20-something group at my new church. The message was about Jeremiah 29. Which delighted me so much because one of my pet peeves is when people quote Jeremiah 29:11 all the time out of context. But this message was about Jeremiah 29. Contextually. Yay!

And as we talked about transition and about how the Judeans were supposed to treat their exile as a kind of permanent thing...a lightbulb went off. You see, the Judeans were supposed to settle into the land. They were supposed to build houses—not pitch tents. They were supposed to plant gardens, producing for the land that had been the land of their enemies. They were supposed to build meaningful relationships, not putting marriage on hold. And they were even supposed to seek the prosperity of this place that didn't feel like home, that they would've wanted to see as a temporary transition.

And that's when it hit me. I've been living here for 5 years, and based on my plans I'll be here for 3 more years while I save for a house. The whole time I've lived here I've felt like I'd live here until I can buy a house. I've recognized that this is what I hope will be my last rental home. But I've seen it as a temporary home. A step while I get my 20% down saved up. I've never really viewed it as a neighborhood to settle into for 8-ish years. A neighborhood to contribute to, to be an active part of, to seek the prosperity of. A place to build meaningful relationships. I've settled into my internal home with my stuff, but not the society of people around me.

You see, part of the problem with focusing on Jeremiah 29:11 is that it focuses on God's plans for the future. And hopefully for me, that includes home ownership. But when you focus on God's plans for the future all the time, you can miss out on God's plans for you right now. Right now, God has called me here to this rental. God has called me to dwell among the people here and embrace life here, however annoying my neighbors may be at times. And I've been too focused on my plans for a house to accept that. I've been viewing my neighbors (at least the annoying ones) as an obnoxious thing I have to put up with while I wait for life to get better.

Jeremiah 29 isn't primarily about God's plans for the future. It's about embracing God's plan for you right now and in the future. And it's about time I embrace life here on my street.

"Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. PRay to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper." - Jer Bear 29:7

Recharged

I have a Wii, and my Wii remotes have rechargeable batteries.

One thing I've noticed is that if I go a while without using my Wii, even though the remotes haven't had to do any work, the batteries are completely drained just from being away from the recharging station for that long. This annoys me greatly because you're not supposed to leave them there all the time, so it's like you have to think ahead to when you might want to use the Wii.

I've also noticed that when I begin my day with God, soaking in his word and enjoying his presence, I'm recharged and energized for the day. Too much time without that and I get crabby. I don't operate well. Even if I don't encounter a lot of stress or problems, just being away from God for that long drains me.

It is so important that I spent time in my recharging station—focused time in God's presence.

Words

This week's sermon was about James 3. We've been going through James at church, and while I'm somewhat familiar with the whole book, I'm really familiar with the taming your tongue section. Not that I felt I couldn't learn anything from the sermon, because God knows my tongue is far from tame...but I didn't expect to make any new discoveries. Just to be re-challenged to shut my yapper.

But instead, the pastor took James 3 in a totally different direction than I'd ever thought about. He talked about the power of words. That just as the rudder of a ship can power the large vessel, our words have that kind of power. But not just to do damage (like wildfires)...to change the course of history. Our words have the power to change lives for the better.

Think about this: what are the most memorable negative words anyone has ever said to you? For me, a friend in college said of a guy who'd just broken my heart, "He probably just didn't think you were worth it." And for 9 years, those words have haunted me no matter how hard I try to push past them. Nine words, spoken by a college student...probably a lifetime of wondering if I'm worth it.

And that's what I always thought James 3 was about. Watch your words because you don't want to be the person who tells someone something that will land them in counseling for years. You don't want to be the offensive racist who loses her job because she used the "n" word once years ago. And I say all kinds of things without thinking, so I need to tame my tongue in the shut-your-yapper sense.

But think about this: what are the most memorable positive words anyone has ever said to you? The first ones that come to my mind happened in middle school, back in 1997. I was whining about something when a classmate said to me, "It takes very little in life to be happy. Take that quote and fly with it." A middle schooler said that! And here we are, 16 years later, and when I'm having a bad day I often think back to that moment, and it helps me regain perspective. 16 words, spoken in adolescence, have changed my outlook through many problems. (It was a complete coincidence that the 9-year quote was 9 words and this one was 16.)

James 3 doesn't just mean shut your yapper. It means speak up. Speak up for what's right. Be a voice for the voiceless like Martin Luther King, Jr. Speak words of inspiration like my middle school classmate. Make someone's day with a word of encouragement or a friendly compliment. Your words are powerful...so use them!

Superman has amazing powers. And he could've used them for evil—that's like the negative side of taming your tongue. But he also could've not used them at all. He could've said, "well I don't want to hurt anyone with my powers...but I'm not going to go to any effort to use them for good." And I realized, that's what happens when we think James 3 means to shut your yapper. We miss out on using something very powerful to do a lot of good and change the world.

And how do you tame your tongue? Not by trying to tame your tongue. Your tongue's job is to broadcast what's in your heart. Ask God to change your heart so that your tongue uses its powers for good.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord my Rock and my Reedemer."
- Psalm 19:14

God's Eyes

You know how sometimes, when God teaches you something, you're kind of thick-skulled about it so he keeps bringing it up?

Yeah, that happens to me kind of a lot.

So my last blog was about how God loves everyone just as much as he loves me. And how I need to see people with the kind of love he does. Only here's what happened next.

My neighbors were obnoxious again. Blasting music and talking outside my window late at night. And I thought about my blog and what I'd been learning, I really did. So I prayed for my neighbors and thanked God for the opportunity to grow in patience. I prayed that he'd help me reach out to my neighbors and love them more.

And when my prayer was done, I laid in bed and stewed anyway. And plotted about setting my alarm for 4 am to play ding dong ditch and see how they liked being kept awake.

Midnight is not my finest hour.

But then yesterday, I was editing a lesson about Jonah 4. That's the one after God spares Nineveh, where Jonah sits and stews about it. And then he wants to kill himself because his little vine dies. He is so absorbed in himself and the dumb little things in his life like a vine, and he's completely oblivious to the fact that maybe he needs an attitude check about the Ninevites.

Kind of like lying in my cozy bed stewing about how I can't sleep with my windows open because my neighbors are too loud? And plotting revenge?

The point of that lesson was that God wants us to love everyone. There's even an activity in it where kids make glasses with one lens that describes their view of someone they don't like, and the other lens describes God's view of that person.

And I thought...I need to see my neighbors through God-colored glasses.

But apparently God hadn't gotten the message through enough to me, because today in my Sunday School class we read this passage: "For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer" (2 Corinthians 5:14-16, emphasis added).

So that's what God-colored glasses look like. Not a worldly point of view, but a love that compelled Jesus to die for everyone. And that love is meant to compel us.

I'm gonna guess God has more to say to me on this topic, especially considering that this very clear challenge was given in the sermon: "Encourage a neighbor this week." And I thought, "ughhh...fine." So I think he still has some heart work to do. But I'm listening.

God's Love

Here's a quote from this week's sermon at LifeBridge:

"You and I are never gonna lock eyes with anyone who God doesn't love as much as he loves you." - Rick Rusaw, Senior Minister

Now maybe to many people, that doesn't sound particularly profound or jarring. But it was something I needed to hear.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm one of God's favorites. Not because I feel entitled or like I deserve his love more than anyone else—I know I don't—but because he's blessed me so much and I just feel such a great connection with him.

But you know how sometimes on the Bachelorette, guys that think they are a shoe-in and keep telling the camera they have the strongest connection with the girl...those guys end up going home? It's easy for them to think they've got a stronger connection because they don't see the girl's relationship with the other guys. They only see their own. And they make a comparison even though they only see the one side.

This quote was in the context of a sermon about James 2, where he says not to show favoritism. I'll be honest, I judge people far too often. How they dress, how they wear their hair, how they talk. And at least in my head, I show favoritism accordingly. But this passage tells us not to show favoritism because that's not a reflection of God. God doesn't show favoritism. I'm not one of his favorites because he doesn't have any.

When my neighbor felt it was a good idea to blast music for hours straight from his car...at midnight...God loved him as much as he loves me.

When my other neighbor let her 5- and 8-year old girls play outside at midnight on a different night, presumably while she was passed out drunk...God loved her as much as he loves me.

When the creepy guy came up to me in Walmart and starting telling me about math equations in Spanish...God loved him as much as God loves me.

When someone disagrees with me about religion or politics or moral values...God loves that person as much as he loves me.

When the people from Westboro Baptist who give Christians such a bad name picket at gay people's funerals...as hard as it is to believe...God loves those misguided baptists as much as he loves me. (And he loves the gay person who died just as much, too.)

I want to learn to see the value of others through the eyes of God. To see how even people who don't meet my standards of lovableness do meet God's. Which is pretty backwards since he is much more entitled to harsh standards for lovableness. I want to realize that I am no more lovable—or more to the point, no more loved—than anyone I come into contact with. I want to really get that in my thoughts, words, and actions toward others.

My Church

I've been doing a lot of "church shopping" lately. I had some pretty tough criteria and couldn't quite find something to measure up. And I know that when I settle for a church that's not what I'm really looking for, I end up just sleeping in on Sunday.

A few weeks ago, I found a church that I already love. It's LifeBridge Church in Longmont and it's just what I was looking for! Here are some things I love about it:

Worship: Worship is a priority at LifeBridge. They don't skimp on songs at all. It's a nice long set of worship songs. And they pick very God-centered songs, not the me-centered ones, which I can only assume is intentional. Plus, they're not flashy with roving lights and fog machines, which I find distract me from worship. Since I really don't like sermons, worship is the most important aspect of the Sunday service for me...so this has been great.

Size: One of the things I wanted was a larger church. One, for more opportunities to connect and find the small group type things I'm looking for. And two, because I love the feeling of worshipping with a big group of people. LifeBridge has 4 weekend services and I'd say the auditorium holds about 1,000 people, so it's a good size church. BUT...sometimes you can get lost in large churches. Somehow, LifeBridge has the sense of community that feels more like a small church. It's a great balance. And with three Sunday services, I can make one trip and go to my adult class, serve in Sunday School, and go to the main church service.

Welcoming Environment: Some churches you go to, you feel like it's hard to even find someone to talk to about your questions. Other churches, you get swarmed by 15 people at once and it's overwhelming. At LifeBridge, there were plenty of people around for me to talk to, and they were very friendly and welcoming when I did...but no one bombarded me. I also went to an adult class and everyone was super nice and friendly. It was just the right level of genuine friendliness and not scary over-friendliness.

Communion: Communion is done weekly. That's not something I've seen often at non-liturgical churches, but it's the one thing I did prefer about liturgical churches. So I love that!

Sermons: As I said above, I don't like sermons. So what I like about them is that they're pretty short. Mostly because they pack in so much worship, there's not as much time left for the sermon. I also like that there's no fill-in-the-blank outline provided. I hate those - and I never use them. To me they make the sermon about listening for key words the preacher thinks are most important, rather than listening for how God is speaking to you through the sermon in the ways that are most important for your life. And the sermons are applicable, which is great.

Adult Classes: I mentioned above the class I went to. I only have gone once but it is just what I'm looking for - genuine discussion. Like - we got through 6 questions in an hour kind of discussion. You know it's a good question when it yields that kind of discussion. It was interesting, stimulating, made me think differently, and there were donuts. Donuts always help sway my vote. :)

Last night I also went to a new thing they're trying out for the summer, called Anchor. Anchor is for 18-30 year olds so I just barely made the cut. Anchor was great because it was not a singles' mixer, as many 20-something groups end up being at churches. No one checked me out - in fact there were several married women at my table. We worshiped a bunch (I told you that's a high value!), we had a short message, and then we had a follow-up discussion to the message that asked real, connecting questions. I knew when I walked in and saw round tables instead of rows of chairs, I was gonna like this. LifeBridge seems to get discussion and relationships in a way many churches don't.

Community: LifeBridge has "neighborhood pastors" - many of the pastors on staff are assigned to a section of the community - one of them is Loveland. So I'm working with my neighborhood pastor to get plugged into a small group here in town. Since the church is almost 30 minutes away, it's great that they have something for us northern folk - and that they're strategic about it. That's a little slower going as the Loveland neighborhood pastor just started in this area, so he's pulling everything together right now. But I'm confident, based on everything else I've experienced at LifeBridge, that I'll find something that's a great fit.

LifeBridge is also involved in the community with mentors for at-risk kids. And they have a foster and adoptive parents ministry. They have a ministry called "glocal" - focusing on both global and local outreach.

I love that there's this great balance of worship (connection to God), relationships (connection to other Christians), and service (connection to the world around us). I'm super excited to call it my church family!

Faith + Works

I attended a new-to-me church this weekend and I think it's just what I'm looking for. The pastor began a series on James and talked about how faith and works mesh together like gears to propel one forward. He talked about living out faith and how genuine faith results in good works.

And I kept thinking about this woman I'd seen in the Wal-Mart parking lot last Monday, standing with a cardboard sign that said "Help! I'm stranded!" And I'd driven on by.

Now I know that there are a lot of scammers today who just want to milk you for money. I heard of one guy who saw a beggar at his highway off-ramp every day on his way to work, and he'd give him some money. Finally, he stopped and offered the guy a low-level job at his company. When they got to the issue of payment, the man said, "I make way more than that standing on that off-ramp every day and I don't have to pay taxes on it." And he turned down the job.

And of course there's the stereotypical view that they'll just use the money to buy alcohol. A habit I don't want to foster.

But that being said, there are genuine people in need, and they shouldn't have to suffer because of the bad apples out there. So a while back I bought a few $10 McDonalds gift cards to have handy when I saw people in need. That way they could get a meal or a few warm cups of coffee on a cold day.

And yet, when I saw this woman in need, I drove on past her. My $10 gift cards remained in my purse, a tangible reminder of the so-called faith that remained tucked safely away behind my brand new dress. A faith not lived out is as useful as a pre-paid $10 gift card not given to someone in need.

Plus, I'm a newly trained victim's advocate for a local non-profit. And I keep thinking about this woman and wondering if maybe she was on the run from an abuser, and that's why she was stranded. If I'd stopped and talked to her, maybe I could've heard her story and called the agency to see if they could help. But instead I hurried about my business.

Upon hearing the sermon, I resolved to keep a special eye out this week for people in need, and be prepared to give out the first of my stash of gift cards. Lo-and-behold, not an hour after leaving church, I saw a man with a sign on that same Walmart parking lot corner. So I pulled over, got out of my car, and gave him a gift card. I told him to get a good meal, and went off with a "God bless you." It's not much, but it's something.

Maybe he's just playing people like me for the pity card. At least I know he can't buy alcohol with a McDonalds gift card. But I was glad God gave me the opportunity so quickly after that sermon to put my faith to action and to help someone get a meal.

Born to Write

I'm always fascinated to hear stories of how kids show their personalities at an early age, and how that connects to where they end up in life. And that includes my own reflections on childhood.

I didn't go to preschool; my mom helped each of us kids learn to read and write and such before we went off to kindergarten. And the thing I absolutely loved was my phonics workbook.

My sisters would get on the school bus in the morning and my mom didn't have any time to settle down before I would say, "Can we do phonics!?!? Can we do phonics!?!?" I was so eager to learn to read and write.

Now, I'm a writer and editor. I love thinking back on little 4-year old Ali begging to learn to read and write, and thinking about how God created me to do just what I do. He knew when he knit me together in my mother's womb that he was making me with a passion for words. He knew he was wiring me with a dose of creativity that he would use for his kingdom as I grew up to work for a Christian publishing company.

I didn't just fall into this job by coincidence. God created me with a specific purpose in mind, and that purpose was wired in me from early in my childhood. I couldn't wait to get started! It gives me goosebumps to think about how God has a purpose in mind for each of us and wires us to do just that.

Neighbors

Recently, I posted on Facebook that I started a spreadsheet to help me remember my neighbors' names. I've lived in this rental for almost 5 years now, and I've seen a lot of turnover in the adjoining townhomes. So I've had a hard time keeping track of everyone.

But recently I was thinking about the kind of neighbor I used to be. Back in Wisconsin, in my first apartment. Without any kind of spreadsheet and even after years have passed, I clearly remember many of my neighbors and their names. I've blogged about some of them before. But most recently, I was thinking about the way I treated those neighbors.

There was Page, a very shy little girl I invited to VBS at my church, where she blossomed. Her mom came to the closing event and was amazed at how much Page had come out of her shell. I don't know where Page is today, but I hope she remembers that week at VBS and how much she loved learning about Jesus.

There was Olivia, a 5th grader who was delighted when I gave her a children's Bible. I had many conversations with her and her mom, and I wonder: does Olivia still have that Bible? Does she read it? Is she seeking to know more about God today?

There was Emmanuel and Shoshanda, a brother and sister in a home of neglect and physical abuse that I never could prove to CPS. But I gave them what their parents didn't: attention, care, and love. When Emmanuel hit his head and his parents just yelled at him to finish the task they'd asked their 3-year old to do, I helped him get them their keys and then I hugged him until the tears stopped. I played hopscotch and jump rope with Shoshanda. And I wonder: did my influence in their lives give them a glimpse that not all people are mean? That there is hope and love in this world?

There was Tish, a single mom with 6 kids under the age of 8. Like me, Tish lived on the 2nd floor. But unlike me, she had two kids who couldn't walk and a third who could only barely crawl up the stairs. And since her oldest wasn't old enough to safely carry the others up the stairs, I would listen through my thin walls for the sound of Tish and her kids entering the building, and I'd go down to help her carry them all upstairs. When my ex and I got the dishes on our wedding registry, we gave her my old set and discovered she only had one small pot. So a week later when we unexpectedly got a gift card to Walmart, we used it to buy her a pot set, other kitchen utensils, and some toys for the kids. And I wonder: does Tish have a good support system now? Does she know that God loves her?

There was Jessica, whom I never met but often heard through my floor, fighting with her boyfriend. And after one particularly mean fight in which her boyfriend talked about how much hotter his ex was, I left a note on her door to let her know that she was beautiful and God loved her, and not to let anyone tell her otherwise.

There was the neighbor I saw getting shoved by a man, and I called the police. Later, I received a subpoena and helped put the man in jail for his assault. I only actually met that neighbor in the court's waiting area after I testified. But I'm glad I was able to help keep her safe from this man for at least a little bit.

I say these things not to brag about my good deeds, but out of conviction. What happened to me being that kind of neighbor? The one who saw the needs of those around her and stepped in to help? The one who reached out? Because in the five years I've been in Colorado, I've done hardly anything to help my neighbors. And maybe it's because my neighbors here don't have needs quite so obvious. And my walls aren't paper thin anymore so I can't hear the problems carry through them.

Or maybe it's because I've retreated inward, used my introvertedness as an excuse not to see or help when I see people around me hurting.

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

- Luke 10:36-37

May I be the kind of neighbor who shows mercy and compassion.