Relationship Status

I got a couple responses to my Dating blog, one in a comment and a couple in person, about the fact that I should put myself out there for a guy to find. After all, no one is going to catch a fish if she's not in the water.

But here's the thing. I used to think that being married would make me happy. I hated 1 Corinthians 7 because I felt like Paul was saying you shouldn't get married, and I just wanted to live happily ever after with my Prince Charming. And yet having been married, I know that it doesn't mean happiness.

So, thinking on this, I read 1 Corinthians 7 tonight. And I realized that Paul's point isn't really that being married or being single is preferable, although he does angle his preferences toward being single. His point is just this: be happy where you are. Don't try to force a relationship status change. I think the reason he emphasizes the joy of singleness is because that's where he was. He was setting the example of his point. He points out that being married isn't the magic cure for unhappiness; in fact, it brings with it troubles and a distraction from ministry. So there's no reason to think that singleness is this curse, that a 70-year-old never-been-married woman is doomed to misery. In fact Paul contests that a widow will be happier if she remains unmarried. This in times where widows were impoverished outcasts!

He sums it up nicely in 1 Corinthians 7:17: "Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him." Bottom line? If you can't be happy being single, you won't be happy being married.

Then I skipped to Song of Solomon. Not the juicy parts, but the verse the Beloved repeats over and over throughout the book: "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." This coming from a woman who has found true love. (We'll temporarily ignore the fact that she shared her husband with 300 other wives, plus all the concubines.) She knows the value of waiting for the right love. Not seeking out something, but being content with her situation until her love came along. Because if you rush "love" with the wrong person, you'll find yourself in a subpar relationship.

It's like when my sister was dropping me off at the train station. And as we're driving my not-quite-3-year old niece asked the age old question, "Are we there yet?" My sister jokingly responded, "Yep, we're here, should we just drop Ali off in the middle of the street?"

Annoyed as we get by the question on car trips, adults fall into this "are we there yet?" mentality all the time on the journey of life. Rather than being content with where we are right now (single or married, in love or not), we want to know if we're "there" yet. Even though, were we to look around, it's a pretty silly question. As for me? I'm not asking if I'm there yet. I know I'm right where God wants me on my life journey, and I'll just keep riding along.

Here's what I'm confident of, no matter what my future holds:

"I am still confident of this: 

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord;

Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

- Psalm 27:13-14

Things to do in Northeast Colorado

** SEPTEMBER 2013 UPDATE ** Some of these locations may have been damaged or become inaccessible in the recent floods. Specifically, Viestenz-Smith Park was almost entirely wiped out in the flooding. Highway 34 (leading to Estes Park from Loveland) has around 17 miles that need to be completely rebuilt, and estimates are that this will take 18 months. I would highly recommend visiting the websites linked below or calling ahead to confirm these places are open when you plan to visit.

** NOVEMBER 2013 UPDATE ** Highway 34 opened well ahead of schedule and is open to Estes Park now. Viestenz-Smith Park remains closed at this time.

Looking for things to do with a visitor, or just to get to know the Northeast Colorado area? My Dad came to visit in April, and I did a bunch of web research to find things for us to do. We didn't end up doing all of these things, but we did a lot of them. Of course, there are many more places to hike, but I didn't want to do anything too strenuous with him, so this was our list of possible excursions. Not all of these things were open during his stay, and those are listed at the end for summer visits.

Letterboxing scavenger hunt (available in many towns)

Denver area
Tour Downtown Denver on the Platte Valley Trolley
Butterfly Pavillion (my personal favorite!)
Denver Zoo

Fort Collins
Bike ride around downtown Fort Collins (bike rentals available)
Science Toy Magic

Rocky Mountain Raptor tour
The Farm at Lee Martinez (petting zoo)

City Park (walking, paddleboating)

Horsetooth Reservoir Inlet Bay Trail (walking, picnic)

Back Porch Café (breakfast or lunch)

Buttercream Cupcakery (dessert)
Fort Fun (mini golf, arcades, laser tags, bumper cars, etc.)

Loveland area

“Hearts of Loveland" scavenger hunt

Little Thompson Observatory (private viewings possible, schedule in advance)

Chapungu Sculpture Park

Justine’s Pizza (vintage pizza lunch or dinner) 
Chill is a great place for ice cream (frozen with liquid nitrogen!) or crepes

Greeley Area

Greeley Freight Train Museum (haven't gone there, but it seems fun!)

Estes Park/Rocky Mountain National Park

Dam Store scenic lookout (on the way to Estes via 34)

Viestenz-Smith Park (walking, picnic, horseshoes, kite flying) (on the way to Estes via 34, closed November-March)

Stanley Hotel tour

Just walking around Estes is fun, if you like shopping

Leisurely mountain walk around Sprague Lake 

Driving up Trail Ridge Road to Rainbow Curve is a great option during the summer

Poudre Canyon

Poudre Canyon scenic drive (*note: wildfires tore through this area since our drive; not sure how scenic it is now - we stopped in a couple places to walk on stones in the river)

Other
The Wild Animal Sanctuary (Keenesburg, CO)

Seasonal experiences (only available during summer):

Estes Park Aerial Tram

Fort Collins Trolley
For kids, there is a small train that runs around at North Lake Park in Loveland

Holiday Twin Drive-In (Fort Collins)

Dating

When you go through a divorce, you get a lot of people asking you if you've met somebody new. Pretty quickly, this question comes up. Even before your divorce is final. Here's my answer.

One thing I knew for sure when Dan and I decided to get a divorce—I wasn't interested in any kind of relationship until the divorce was final. As long as I was married on paper, I was going to honor that status.

The DivorceCare curriculum recommends you wait one year to date for every four years you were married. For me, this means one year—October. But they also have a checklist of how to tell when you're "ready," and by those standards I was ready a while ago. I think one thing DivorceCare doesn't really acknowledge in general as they talk about healing is that healing looks different when you were struggling in your marriage, as opposed to being surprised by an affair when you thought everything was fine. Much like losing a loved one to a long battle with cancer vs. a sudden car accident, you grieve differently.

All that to say, I'm neither waiting for October to be open to dating, nor am I planning to start actively looking to date in October.

One of my friends asked me if I'd found any possibly dates, and I said no. He said, "Do you have your fishing pole out?"

"Of course not!" I responded. "I'm the fish! I'm not fishing!"

I've done a lot of initiating in my life. I learned the hard way that this set me up to be the leader in my marriage, and that's not the way I want any possible future relationships to be. So I'm not planning to put out any fishing poles—ever. I'm open to whatever God may have for me, and if that means a life of singleness, I really am OK with that. I've finally realized something I never realized in my pre-married single life (aka my hunt for a husband era): I am a whole person. I don't need to find my "other half." I am complete in Christ.

But if God plans for me to eventually date and even remarry, I'm OK with that too. But I'm not seeking it out. I'm seeking the kingdom of God and a righteous life. I'm seeking to be like Jesus and fall more in love with him each day. And if God brings along a man to do this alongside of me, I'm open to that. But it won't be that I "found" a man, because I'm not looking. I will not set the precedent that I'm the pursuer, the fisher, the leader. God is the one who's going to bring a man with enough initiative to pursue me if that's God's plan for me.

Power

I've sensed God's power at work in my life more in the past few months than ever before.

I think I've maybe been paying more attention since I read Ephesians 1:19 in July, where Paul prays that the Ephesians might know "his incomparably great power for us who believe."

This is cool. Not only is God's power incomparably greater than anything else (when I read this, my almost-5-year old nephew and I made a list of powerful things as a reminder that God is more powerful*), but it is for us who believe.

God's incomparably great power is real in my life. This is the same power, Ephesians goes on to say, that God used when he raise Christ from the dead. That's the magnitude of power available to me.

It's the power that gives me strength even when I feel lonely or incompetent.

It's the power that enables me to think of wise or creative solutions I never could've come up with on my own.

It's the power that surprises me with unexpected occurrences that bring a smile to my face.

It's the power to send a deluge that puts out a wildfire.

It's the power to speak directly to me.

It's the power that brings healing and freedom out of darkness.

It's the power to control my natural impulses and wait patiently to see what God wants me to do.

God's power is no greater in my life this month than it always has been. I'm just noticing it more. And if you stop to look at your life, you'll see that this awesome power is at work there, even in the bleak times.

* Powerful things my nephew and I came up with: Daddy, computers, elephants, lighting/thunder, lamps, ants, batteries, wildfires.

Identity

About a month ago I met someone for the first time. As we talked she commented on how confident and sure of myself I am. She admired this quality in me.

I told her this was quite different from the me I used to be. But as I've mentioned before, I've committed this year to rediscovering my identity in Christ.

I've learned a lot about who I am through my mirror collage. I am new. I am in God's hands. I am understood. I am rich. I am fearless. I am strong. I am blessed. I am complete. I have his power. And so much more.

I've learned confidence as God has given me opportunities to step out and build my strength. Taking a self-defense class gave me confidence to know that if I can rip a guy's ear clear off his head, flick it in his face, and make him bleed from his tear ducts, I'll be OK.

I've learned that I actually enjoy exercise. Running, swimming, biking...these all help me reflect and feel energized.

I've learned to be still in God's presence, through my reflective Scripture reading and through taking yoga classes.

I've learned to abide in Christ, to breathe him in with every breath I take, to sense his constant presence around me.

I've learned what kind of styles I like as I redecorated my house.

I've learned that I don't have to live in the past or be fearful of the future. I am in God's hands and as long as I seek his will rather than following my own stubborn and foolish heart, I will be in a good place.

I'm glad this new acquaintance could see this confidence in me. She, too, is going through a divorce. I'm glad she can see the light at the end of the tunnel. That God can use this experience to shape and redefine your identity to make you completely sure of yourself because you know who you are in him.

Lifelong

When I was 4, we had monthly memory verses in Sunday School. One month, the verse was "Children obey your parents in the Lord." My mom liked to remind me of it whenever I was disobeying her.

After that month was up and we were learning a different verse, I was disobeying and my mom reminded me of the verse. But, sharp little girl that I was, I responded, "Mom, that was last month's verse."

Somehow, I got the impression that I only had to apply the verse of the month.

But, thanks I'm sure to my mom's response (I don't remember it, but I'm sure she corrected my misunderstanding), and to general growth over the past 24 years, I've come to realize that living for God is a lifelong thing, not a flavor-of-the-day thing.

Now, there are certainly times in our lives when God is trying to teach us one particular thing. And since I am often kind of dense on these matters, those times usually consist of a lot of sources all echoing the same message until it gets through my skull.

But once God has adequately gotten the message through and I've begun to apply it, that doesn't mean I drop what I've learned when the next message comes along. And that continues to be the challenge. Even though I know now that God's Word is living and active all throughout my life, somehow God seems to have to remind me of the same lessons over and over.

I was reading some old journal entries today and noticed that some of the entries, though a year or two a part, closely echoed each other. Others echoed things I'm learning now, that I thought were new and novel.

The bad news is that this will always be the case, as long as I'm on this earth. I'll be a work in progress 'til the day I die, constantly learning and relearning what it means to live for God.

The good news is, the more abide in Christ and let his Spirit flow through me, the more his fruits and work just flows out of me. This is what I delight in.

Jesus, let me live for you all my life.

Worship

I've been teaching myself how to play guitar for the past couple months. I actually bought this cheap Walmart guitar like 6 years ago, and learned a few chords, but hadn't played it much since the initial purchase.

I'm pretty bad. If you listened to me playing, you'd probably want to smash the guitar. I take a while to change chords (although I'm getting faster!), I sometimes hit the chord wrong, and I have absolutely no sense of rhythm...which, it turns out, is pretty important for playing the guitar well. I feel like the first two flaws could improve over time, but the third probably means I'm not destined to start a band.

But that's OK, because I don't want to start a band. Despite how terrible my guitar playing may sound to human ears, I know it's a joyful noise unto the Lord. There's something so wonderful to me about being able not just to sing (which is also pretty bad), but to make music to worship God.

When I play guitar, I get lost in it. Time goes by so quickly until suddenly I realize I've been playing for quite some time. Turning page after page in my "easy worship songs" guitar chords books, singing and playing to celebrate the greatness of God.

Working on learning to play guitar has been a part of my 2012 goal to rediscover who I am in Christ, and who God made me to be. And even though it's clear he didn't make me to be a wonderful guitarist, that's OK. He made me with a heart to make music for him in the privacy of my guest room. I don't have to be good at it—if I enjoy it and do it unto the Lord, that's what matters.

The same goes for swimming. And running. And yoga. I'll never be an Olympic swimmer. I can barely swim two laps without pausing to catch my breath. I've been running for about a year now and still have to take a couple walking breaks on my mere 1.5 miles route. And after 5 months of yoga, I still can't touch my toes. I watch other people in the class move their bodies in ways I can't imagine will ever be possible for me.

But my mediocrity doesn't bother me in the least. All of these things are ways I connect with God. All of these activities are ways I honor him with my heart and my body. And all of these things are things I enjoy doing, because that's how God made me. I think this is what worship is all about. Doing the things you love to do, for the glory of God and to connect with him. And no matter how mediocre or just plain lousy you are at those things, it's beautiful when he sees you doing what he made you to love doing.

Tear Down The Walls

I've been reading Ephesians lately. Chapter 2:11-18 talks about two groups: the uncircumcised and those who call themselves "the circumcision." While the uncircumcised were formerly excluded, in Christ they have been brought near to God.

Verses 15b-18 says: "[Jesus'] purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit."

What struck me is that I always thought Jesus died for our sins. And he did. But not exclusively. According to this passage, his death also put to death hostility between the "us" and the "them" groups. He tore down the "dividing wall of hostility" (v. 14). He died to bring peace.

Which got me to thinking: how often have we Christians just built that wall of hostility right back up? This passage makes it clear that everyone has access to God through the Spirit through Christ's death. But how often do we say (or imply by the way we speak out against things), "Jesus died for everyone—but not you."

"Not you—you're gay."

"Not you—you're a Democrat."

"Not you—you smoke cigarettes."

"Not you—you have tattoos and piercings."

"Not you—you don't like the King James Version."

Through our actions and our stances, sometimes we preach hatred, not peace.

Now, I want to be clear: being uncircumcised isn't a sin, where as some things we stand up against are. Some. But if sin blocks us from access to God through Jesus' death on the cross, well shoot. What did he even die for?

So, if even sinners like me have access to God through Christ, why would we imply that certain kinds of sinners don't?

I'll freely admit that I implied this all over the place in high school. I preached to others about faith a lot, but it was in the context of pointing judgmental fingers at them when they swore. I never would've said that I believe people who swear don't have access to God through Christ, because I didn't believe that. But my actions communicated that to the very people I was trying to reach.

There's a balance between standing up for what's right and acting as if Jesus doesn't love people who aren't doing those things. But the bottom line is: Jesus never asked anyone to clean up their lives until after they developed a relationship with him. We don't need to fix ourselves first. We can't. We bring ourselves to Jesus and he fixes us. Throughout our whole life. He doesn't stop working on us until we reach the pearly gates.

Made Alive

When I was a kid, a car ran into our yard overnight and crashed into a small tree we had in the front yard. The trunk of the tree was only a few inches in diameter, so it snapped right in half, only connected by a small piece of bark on one side.

To my recollection, we never figured out who the driver (presumably a drunk one) was. We just woke up to see the tire tracks across our lawn and our broken tree. (Although since I did have my own private eye detective agency at the time, I dutifully measured the tire tracks and looked for other clues.)

Many would've declared the tree dead. Dug up the roots and planted a new one. But not my mom. She got this special tree tape and wrapped it up back together like an ace bandage on a sprained wrist. (Well, really more like an ace bandage on a severed leg...) Then she tied 3 ropes to the upper part of the broken tree and rooted them to the ground for stability.

It took a while, but eventually the ropes could go. And then one day, the tape could go, too. The tree had grown back together. Although it seemed like any hope for life had been taken by that mystery drunk driver, my mom put in the work needed to make life prevail. And for the near 20 years that have followed, the tree has thrived.

I was reminded of this tree when I read Ephesians 2:1-5 last week. It talks about how we were dead in our sins. But God, because of his great love, "made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions."

When it seemed like hope was gone, like we were dead beyond dead, God found a way to bring us life. This resurrected tree at my parents' house has become a beautiful picture of the life God gave us when he sent Jesus to die on another tree.

Looking at the tree today, you'd never know it had nearly died. The tire tracks in the grass have long since grown out and been mowed over, and the tree looks just like its matching one across the driveway.

This is my challenge. I am alive in Christ. I know that he rescued me from death. But the question is, do I stand firm as one who has been made alive? Or when people look at me, can they see a little bit of death still in me? A crack in the bark here, a dead leaf there?

We're alive! Let's show the world what new life looks like!