Leaving

I'm sitting at Logan International Airport, waiting for my 6:15 flight back to Denver. And as I sit I feel emotionally torn. On the one hand, I'm excited to go back home; to wear something other than the 5 outfits I brought for what ended up being a 12 day trip (don't worry, I did laundry); to see my husband and my puppies; to go back to work.

On the other hand, I'm already struggling with the fact that I had to leave my Dad. I've changed my flight three times after the original booking, originally planning to fly home last Monday, then last Tuesday, then Sunday, and finally today. And each time a flight approached, I felt like I needed more time. I needed to be there when Dad woke up. And then I needed to be there to help take care of him.

And that feeling was no different today. But I'd talked to a Southwest manager to negotiate a better rate for today's flight, and I have something I need to be at work for tomorrow, and I knew I couldn't stay forever. There'd always be a reason I felt like I needed to stay...even when Dad is released he's going to need a lot of care. So I knew it was time to go home, even if it was hard to leave my Dad.

I tried to be strong when I said goodbye to my Dad. He's already feeling really emotional, I didn't want to add to it. I managed to hold back the tears just long enough, and then when I turned around they started falling. And even as I checked in at the airport and went through security, I couldn't hold in my tears. I love living in Colorado, but it's so hard to be so far away from family at times like this.

Now that my Dad's awake, I'm hoping I can Skype with him. He'll probably be hard to understand but maybe if someone is there to translate that will help. And in the mean time, I'm so glad I got to come out and spend time with him. I'll always treasure the time I got to spend helping him and sitting by him over the last week and a half.