Surreal

If you haven't been following my status updates, on Wednesday my Dad went to the hospital with chest pains. Within a few hours, they were rushing him in for emergency heart surgery after discovering he had a dissected aorta. And my family, including my Dad, is all out in the Boston area. There I was in Denver, worrying and not knowing what to do.

The days since then have been a whirlwind and at the same time it's felt like it's been so much longer than 3 days. On Thursday I made the decision to fly to Boston and visit with my dad (flew out Friday). I realized that if I didn't come and this ended up being my last chance to see him, I'd always regret that. But if I came and all was well, I'd never regret having come anyway and being with my dad during this time.

I had no idea what it would be like when I saw my dad lying in the hospital bed. I'd been pre-warned that he was kind of puffy-looking from the surgery, and that he was hooked up to all sorts of stuff, but actually seeing him made everything real. I'd wondered if I'd just burst into tears when I saw him, but I didn't. It just finally hit me like a wave. That was really my dad lying there. I've never been to visit someone in the hospital, except when they've just had a baby. So the idea that I had really dropped everything to fly across the country and see my dad in the ICU hadn't really struck me fully until that moment.

I have a whole mix of emotions right now. Sometimes I find myself tearing up at how close we came to losing him. And at the risks that still loom. I talked to him on the phone just Monday and I cut the conversation short because I really had to use the bathroom. I've thought about that as I sat with him, thinking how much I would have always regretted that if he hadn't made it.

But I'm also so thankful. So many things were just great evidence of God's hand of blessing over my dad. A dissected aorta is often not caught in time - my sister said one of the doctor's told my family it's usually found in autopsy. I'm so thankful for everything God worked together to make sure my dad got to the hospital, that the right tests were run, that the doctor's had wisdom, and that a skilled surgeon performed the very difficult surgery on him.

There are still risks. He's still mostly sedated, though he periodically opens his eyes now as they're lessening the sedation. They're going to keep him like that until they're confident he's doing well enough to be awake, so hopefully he'll continue to recover well. The next month or two will be a long recovery period for him. But each day that he makes it, the risks decrease. So each day I feel a little better. Today it was really neat to have him look at me, even though he was super groggy and I don't know how much he's processing.

And there are still parts of this that feel so surreal. I don't see my family very much, just once every two years, so I'm used to not hanging out with my dad. Part of me still feels like I'm just not really here, and so it's not unusual to not be interacting in a lively way with him.

I've never been on the receiving end of people making meals, so that's weird for me. It's kind of uncomfortable, since I'm so picky, but there's a cafeteria at the hospital so I always have a back-up option. And I appreciate the outpouring of love and generosity from my dad's church family. Everyone who comes in talks about how special he is, and tells a story about how he touched their lives. It's neat to hear what an impact my dad has made.

I'm a plan-ahead type of person, so this is kind of weird for me. Flying out here, I at least had an 18 or-so hour window to plan, make sure I had everything, tie up loose ends at home, etc. But flying back...well I don't know when I'll fly back. I had a ticket booked for Monday and have changed it to Tuesday, but I may extend if further, depending on how my dad is doing. I feel bad leaving work right in the thick of things, but the hospital has WiFi and I brought some work with me, so I'm using the down time in the waiting room to keep caught up. It's just weird to be away from home and not know when I'm going back.

I'm so thankful to everyone who has been praying for my dad. God has been listening, so keep praying!