2011 In Review

The past year was a roller coaster of emotions in my life. I mean, I'm all for real roller coasters. Millenium Force? Bring it. And I went on that this year too. But the roller coaster of 2011 is one I'm glad to get off, and hope I didn't line up to ride it again in 2012.

I guess the roller coaster really started at the end of 2010, when my Dad had to have emergency heart surgery, followed by an induced coma for over a week as he recovered. Sitting in the hospital for a week, wondering if he'd ever get well enough to be awoken, seemed a lot longer than a week. Wondering if, when he did wake up, his memories and brain functioning would be fully in tact. It was very trying. But at the same time, looking back, there are pieces of it I miss. Our family grew a lot closer during that time. I worked some from the hospital, and one of my sisters left for a few days to go back to her job in Connecticut, but mostly it was just a time to focus on supporting each other and praying for my Dad.

Ringing in 2011 was great. It marked one month since December 1st, when my Dad had his surgery. And they said after one month he was out of the biggest risk zone. What a great way to celebrate the new year! I also rang in the new year by winning a Macbook at my company's Bombastic Bingo Bash. Also great!

But within a few weeks the year had taken an unwanted twist. I survived a big layoff at my job. And while I was grateful to keep my job, I lost a lot of my closest friends and co-workers. Since the layoff, I've stayed in touch with some of them, but it hasn't been the same. And I was also filled with angst and uncertainty about my own job. I had a new supervisor, new responsibilities, and a whole lot more on my plate than I'd had before. Without the support of my closest co-workers, I didn't know if I could handle it. 

Fast forward to March. A high: we got a new puppy! Biscuit was a great addition to the family, and a definite "oops puppy." When will I learn that it is not a good idea to stop by a pet store "just to play with the puppies"? And even though I love him like crazy now, there was a little bit of mourning when we got him. Mourning for the special bond I had with Peanut. Buttercup and I had a bond that was more on a soul-level. We just understood each other. But Peanut and I, our bond was based on the fun we had together. Now with Biscuit in the way, I was sad to lose those special moments with just her.

The day after we got Biscuit, the roller coaster came to a big drop: Peanut had to go to the ER vet for unstoppable vomiting. And after a day in the ER, we had to make the call for her to have stomach surgery. It was scary and I wondered if she would come out of it OK. 

She did, but the next couple of weeks were quite trying. We had a house-training puppy who didn't know how to use the stairs yet, a recovering-from-surgery dog who was nuts but wasn't supposed to be running or jumping, and an older dog on five different medicines. Midnight potty runs, constant monitoring, preparing three different kinds of food; it felt a bit like having a real baby. It was exhausting.

And little did I know those few weeks would be the last for one very special member of our family. In April, we lost Buttercup when her heart just gave out. For me, this was the final emotional straw. Buttercup had been a part of my life since my freshman year of high school. And like I said above, she and I connected on such a deep level. When she died, I felt like a part of me died. 

The year continued without any major life changes for a while, until a happy event in October: I got a promotion at work! I was (and still am) excited for this new opportunity to grow in my career at Group.

But something else happened in October, later that week: Dan and I decided to get a divorce. For some of you, this may come as news. It wasn't a shock to us; it was a mutual decision made after years of trying to deal with the problems in our marriage. But after one more stab at counseling failed, we realized we were both done. 

November and December were a bit awkward for us both as we continued to live together. At the end of December, Dan moved out. And so I began 2012 with only one family member who'd rung in 2011 with me: Peanut. In 2011 I gained Biscuit and lost Dan and Buttercup. 

I learned a lot in 2011. Humility, grace, gratitude, selflessness. But the thing that really sticks out is summed up in this verse: "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" (Proverbs 19:21).

All the planning in the world couldn't have prepared me for what 2011 would bring, good and bad. But unlike in the past when unexpected twists have made me angry at God, I've felt like 2011 brought me closer than ever to him. As life made its ups and downs, I clung to the fact that my life is in his hands. I cling to him daily, and he has filled me with so much joy and peace despite everything.

Was it an easy year? No. But easy years don't yield nearly the spiritual fruit that this year did. God's plans are good for our hearts, even if they come with tears along the way. (But like I said in the intro...I'm still hoping I'm off this ride for 2012!)

Lectio Divina

I've spent the past two years reading through the Bible using the God Sightings website. And yes, it is a one year plan. I did a slow track where I missed half of the days.

Reading through the Bible in a year (or two) is a great way to get a big picture view of the Bible. You see how everything ties together. You read stories you must've read before (if you've read the Bible entirely before), but you forgot they were in there. You find surprises that make you say, "Wow! That's in the Bible?!"

But having gotten that 10,000 foot view, I've dedicated this year to getting a magnifying glass view instead. I want to spend this year pulling out small passages of Scripture and soaking them in. Really taking my time reading and meditating on them. And to do this, I'm using a method of Scripture meditation based off of Lectio Divina.

I don't know if I'm following the steps quite exactly. But this is what I'm doing: I'm choosing a passage that's fairly short. 5 or 6 verses max. I begin by just being still for a minute or two. Trying to clear my mind of all the distractions that often come when I'm reading the Bible or praying. Thoughts about work, and to-do list items, potential Facebook statuses, and how cute my dogs are. (Their cuteness is a big distraction in general.)

Once I am ready to focus on God, I read through the whole passage, slowly, a couple of times. Then I just do a couple verses, however long I feel like is good to digest. I read those verses over and over, and then I have time where I just listen to God. I pray that he will show me what he wants me to understand from those verses. Then I read them again a couple times, and pray about them, talking to God about them - whether that's praise, confession, or a prayer that he will work in my life that pertains to the verses.

I'm starting with Psalm 93. The first several passages I choose will be based on wanting to allow God to define me this year, and I want to be defined in terms of who he is. Psalm 93 is full of descriptions of God. So far I'm getting a lot out of it. And each day during this time, one thing I meditate on is what one of the descriptions says about me. I have a craft project involving mirrors that I'm making based on these reflections. (Ha! Mirrors...reflections!)

It's very different than the fire hose method of reading Scripture in a year. I think it's nice to switch things up. And a great bonus to Lectio Divina - you memorize Scripture without even meaning to! Just by reading it so many times and reflecting on it, the words are in your head. So then when you're driving or whatever, you can ponder the words some more.