Big Church, Little Church

When I was in college, I checked out the big church right off campus...and hated it. And then and there I decided I was more of a small to mid-sized church kind of girl. But then I graduated and worked at Elmbrook, and was immersed in big church for several years. And now I can see the pros and cons of each...so I thought I'd list them.

Big Church Pros:
- Lots of opportunities for small groups/service opportunities that are the perfect fit for you.
- Worship. I don't mean the quality of the worship leaders (though there often is a better pool of talent and better equipment)...I mean the idea of joining with hundreds or even thousands of voices in singing praise to God. There's something very heavenly about that...I miss it a lot.

Small Church Pros:
- It's easy to fit in right away (or to tell if it's a clique-y church that you'll never fit into)
- There's a greater sense of community (I think)
- There's usually less of a sense of "grandeur" and "production" and more a focus on faith growth

Big Church Cons:
- Easy to get lost in the crowd if you're not proactive about finding your place.
- Especially if there are satellite locations, it can feel very segregated.
- Traffic and parking!

Small Church Cons:
- If there is only one service, it's hard to serve!
- It's easier for the pastor to notice if you fall asleep during the sermon.
- You'll be overwhelmed with poachers eager to sign you on when you visit once.

What would you add to my lists?

Covenant

This morning I reflected on this verse from Psalm 103, finishing the thought about who God's everlasting love is with: "with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey all his precepts."

The word covenant got the bulk of my attention. Because precepts, laws, commandments...these are all rule-based words. But covenant is so much more. Covenant is the reason we obey those precepts and laws and commandments.

God's covenant with the Israelites was simple: They will be my people, and I will be their God.

And yet they broke the covenant time and time again, turning to other gods and not acknowledging that they were his people and he was their God.

Today, we're under that covenant still, now sealed with the blood of Christ. And so as I reflected on this verse, I thought about what it means to be God's people and for him to be our God. And it seems that when the Israelites failed at this, it was because they'd given up faith in him and turned to other solutions. In their case, idols. But in my case, how often do I give in to my own manipulations, fears, and worries, failing to live by faith? Am I my own hindrance to keeping God's covenant?

But for all my shortcomings, I know that he is my God. And hearing this song on the way to church reminded me of that yet again.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is love
Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on his hands
My name is written on his heart
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

May I live a life worthy of the covenant graven into his hands and written on his heart.

Dandelions

When Buttercup died, there were certain things I had to hold on to. A ceramic paw print. Her collar. Her favorite toys. Some clumps of her fur. Her clothes. But it struck me the other day that when I die, no one else will probably care to keep any of those things. Even her ashes and pictures will probably be thrown away after I'm gone. Which made me sad.

And then I started thinking about how quickly people are forgotten, too. All it takes is one or two generations to be completely forgotten. Unless you were really super famous or did something amazing (or horrendous) for mankind.

Then I thought about these verses in Psalm 103: "As for man, his days are like grass. He flourishes like a flower of the field. The wind blows over it, and it is gone; its place remembers it no longer."

All pretty depressing stuff, huh? We're so finite. And even in the context of God's everlasting love (which the Psalm continues about), it's sad to think that 100 years from now no one will know or care who I was.

But then I thought about that flower metaphor from the Psalm some more. And I thought about dandelions. Which aren't even really flowers, they're weeds...but indulge me. I thought about what happens when the wind blows over them...they are gone. But they've made an impact. The seeds that blow away will go on to produce more dandelions. And even though the little girl who picks those new dandelions and makes a bouquet for her mother won't have any idea where the seeds for that flower originated, the dandelion that blew away made its mark on this world.

That's when I realized I'm OK if 100 years from now, no one knows or cares about my name. As long as 100 years from now, something about the way I lived my life helped make the future a better place.

Christians

So, I wanted to clarify something I think has come out a few times in my blogs. From time to time I complain about the things Christians tend to do. Like judge in the name of "accountability."

And yet, I am proud to say I love and follow Jesus. I am a Christian. It's like this song "Down in Flames" by Relient K.

Let me pause to clarify
Because I'm sure you're asking why
I stand before you and proudly claim
To be part of what this song proclaims


I'm part of the problem, I confess
But I gotta get this off my chest
Let's extinguish the anguish for which we're to blame
And save the world from going down in flames

The body of Christ has issues. It has problems. It's full of people who sin on a daily basis. I'm one of those people. I don't claim to live the Christian life perfectly, nor can I say I've never done the very things I complain about. I have. Many times.

And sometimes, this group of sinners, including me, do things that don't represent Jesus well. Unfortunately, those tend to be the examples of Christianity that tend to stick out. They get a lot more press. And even in individual lives, negative experiences just stick more than positive ones. So even though most of my Christian friends and acquaintances have not met me with judgment, those that have seem to be the ones that I remember more.

But I think Christians are capable of accomplishing amazing things for Christ. For all the times Westboro Baptist Church has shown hatred rather than the love of Christ by picketing at gay people's funerals, there's this: Christians who went to a gay pride parade to apologize. Not to condone anything, but to show love. Because that's what Jesus did with almost everyone he met. He showed love and compassion to the cheating tax collectors. The adulterers. The prostitutes. The outcast lepers. The only people he fought with were the ones that thought they had it all together. He couldn't help them because they didn't think they needed help. They just thought everyone else did.

There are some Christians, like those from Westboro Baptist, that act like that. Everyone else needs help, but not them. And those are the Christians who stand out. But those aren't the people who make up the body of Christ. When I read about strippers picketing on the church lawn after its congregants had picketed at their club, I cheered for the strippers. Because I don't think that was strippers vs. my fellow Christians. I think it was strippers vs. haters. And hate has nothing to do with Jesus.

But most Christians I know aren't haters. They aren't perfect, but they want to do what's right. They want to show Jesus' love. So don't take my complaints as general statements about what Christians are. I complain because it bothers me so much to see us as a group being less than what we can be. All I'm doing is trying to extinguish the anguish for which we're to blame so that together, we can do amazing things to show the world the love of Christ.

Impact

Tonight I spent a bunch of time reading reviews of My First Hands-On Bible on amazon.com and on various blogs. Which was super fun and encouraging, because I was the lead editor on this Bible.

As I worked on it, I prayed often for the writers. I usually pray about what I work on, but I used Scripture as the basis of my prayers for this project. After all, we were working on the Bible. God's Word! And I wanted to make sure the authors I was working with knew I was praying for them, so I sent out my prayers each week by e-mail, which I don't normally do. It was a humbling and honoring task for all involved. Several authors commented to me about that, too.

And so tonight, as I read and watched how this Bible is impacting real kids lives, I felt a whole range of great emotions. I felt proud when one blogger wrote that the people who developed the Bible know how to engage kids. Yay! I felt encouraged that so many people liked something I had worked hard on. I felt validated that my time had been well spent making something people spoke so highly of.

And the more I read, the more joy I felt. By the end I just had the hugest grin on my face.

Because by that point, I had moved from pride or even encouragement. It had finally clicked that these reviews showed me first hand how what I do touches kids' lives in ways I'll never fully know. I thought about the big picture of all that God is doing and was just honored that he let me be a part of it in the development of this Bible. I thought about how some people were saying their kids are falling in love with the Bible, and how this early impression can give them a lifelong thirst for God's Word. I thought about what they might grow up to be and do with the love of God's Word in their heart.

It's not about me or what I did. It's not about the whole team of people that worked on this or what we did. It's about being a small part of God's amazing work in kids' lives. It's about making an impact on this world without my name being attached to it. (I mean, who really reads the credits page?) And I realized that although there are a lot more reviews to read about this particular Bible than most of the things I work on, everything I do is a part of touching lives for Jesus. What an amazing job I have!

So how do I feel now? Honored. Privileged. Wowed that God can use a mess like me.

Accountability

An anonymous poster put this comment on my blog, Fault.

Ali - I only know about the situation what I've seen here but it doesn't sound like people are judging you, it sounds more like friends offering accountability to me. Which is an amazing thing that you have friends that care about you so much that they'll offer the 'tough love' that's needed sometimes in life. At least that's my assumption to what is happening..again I only know what I've read here.

Which is fine, this person admits to having a very limited view of the situation. The person didn't know that the two others who commented before him aren't even people I know in real life. (Although I didn't really take their comments to be judgment or accountability anyway.)

But it got me thinking about what accountability really is. And how it seems like Christians are often eager to hold people accountable, even if they haven't made much of an effort to care about the person before that person did something to be viewed as a wicked sinner.

I'm all for friends holding me accountable. I know who I can go to when I just want to hear encouragement and support no matter how wrong I know I am, and I know who I can go to when I need people who will be honest and tell it like it is. I've welcomed the latter from good friends throughout my life, and most recently in regards to my divorce.

What I'm not for is people popping into your life just to "hold you accountable." That isn't accountability, in my mind. It's judgment. No matter how lovingly it's said. If you never cared about having or maintaining a relationship with me before, you don't have a right to criticize my decisions now. Because chances are, I'm not going to want to get into the specifics with you. You haven't earned my trust. And so you will always be "holding me accountable" from a blinded viewpoint, without all the information.

If you want to earn the right to hold someone accountable if and when they do mess up, don't wait for them to mess up. Be a caring friend in the first place. If you haven't done that, trust that their real friends have covered the accountability with them.

Step-by-step

Today I climbed Grey Rock with Peanut. Well, most of Grey Rock. I confess that I didn't make it quite all the way up. I was darn close, but the sky was getting gray and the wind was getting strong, and I was concerned about the unblocked wind on the summit and its effects my little 10-pound companion. Plus I was tired. (I'd say dog-tired, but Peanut was trucking along no problem from start to finish...)

Dan and I climbed Grey Rock once. We thought we made it to the summit, so we had a snack and turned around. Then when we got back down and saw the map, we thought there was just a little more and we hadn't quite made it. So I was using that as a guide of how long today's hike would take. Just a little longer.

Wrong. Turns out the trail we were hiking takes you up to a high point of one section of the mountain, then back down, through a meadow, and up the real peak. So what we thought was the second trail joining up with the first was actually the descent to the meadow. Oopsies.

All this to say, today's hike took a lot more time and energy than I expected. And when I got to the part where I decided to turn around, I was wishing for a helicopter to come whisk me back to my red armchair. I thought I'd be done around 2; I turned around at 1:50. So I was ready to be done but had a long descent in front of me.

For a while all I could think about was being in my red chair. But that was depressing me, so I thought about the milestones ahead. Reaching my car. And when that got depressing, reaching the point where the two paths split. But ultimately my problem was that I kept trying to guess how far along the path I was. Was I half way yet? And since I had no pedometer or altimeter or any other-meter device to tell me that, it was frustrating when I'd realize time was passing and I hadn't reached any of my milestones yet. And my legs were sore, my back was tired, and my toes felt like they were swollen and bleeding (they weren't). And I had to pee a little bit.

That's when I decided to change my focus. I decided to just keep thinking about putting one foot in front of the other. Because if I did that enough, I'd eventually get to my milestones and be in my red chair. But in the mean time, I'd enjoy the journey more. And it worked! The hike from there was less painful and just easier.

That's what faith is about. So often I try to write my own story. I focus on my next major milestone or where I want to end up, and try to think about how soon it might come. But sometimes I need to slow down, enjoy the journey, and just focus on taking the next step. Because as clueless as I was to how far I was on that path, I'm even more clueless when it comes to my future. I don't even know what the milestones will be, much less when they'll happen.

That's the summit, or pretty close to it. I didn't zoom or anything. I was so close!!

Patience

Nehemiah gets a lot of press for being a patient man. But when you think about the other stories of big projects in the Bible, Nehemiah's is one of the fastest moving. He just waits a few months for permission to go, and the wall is done in a mere 52 days.

In contrast, Noah was 500 when he is first mentioned. He is 600 when the earth floods. And between the rain and waiting for the flood waters to recede, he is on the ark for about 9 months. Abraham died hundreds of years before his descendants would truly conquer the promised land. Joseph was wrongly imprisoned for two years, and that was only a part of his path from slave to leader.

The Israelites cried out in captivity in Egypt for 400 years. They wandered in the desert for 40 years. David had to wait until after his death for his son to achieve his dream of building the temple. Paul waited and prayed but never did get rid of the thorn in his flesh.

And the Messiah? Thousands of years of waiting for him to show up. (And Simeon was sure waiting!)

In fact, the "faith hall of fame" in Hebrews 11 says this about many of those examples: "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth." They knew that their patience would pay off in the form of answered promises, even if they never saw it happen in their lifetime. So they lived by faith.

Bottom line: Sometimes it takes a lot of waiting to see God's hand do mighty things. Nehemiah, one of the shortest "waiting" timespans, is the one we look at, probably because 4 months is all we can bear when we think about waiting for something. But the truth is, sometimes we don't even get to see what God does with our lives, because his story is bigger than you or me as individuals. God is doing good things, and the best things are worth waiting for.

I recently reflected on Psalm 103:5: "...[he] satisfies your desires with good things." As I reflected on it I thought about my tendency to manipulate situations I feel are taking too long. I realized that my impatience means I'm satisfying my own desires with lesser things. But if I wait on his timing, I'll find that he has good things in store for me.

Deception

I've blogged before about Lucy, my '92 LeBaron dream car. I drove Lucy during college. Let me tell you a bit more about Lucy. Aside from the hood latch, her body was in great shape. I'm talking not one part of the ceiling sagging. No rips or stains in the upholstery. No rust spots, no major scratches or dents. No cracks in the glass. And when I scrubbed her down with a gas station squeegee (a college student way of getting a free car wash), she really sparkled. Aside from the fact that Lucy was obviously not a new model in style, she was a beaut.

When she finally died, I found a friend and her mechanic boyfriend, who came to see what might be wrong. When the mechanic opened the hood, he was astounded. One problem I remember he pointed out, was this blue powder of corrosion by every single bolt on the engine.

He had a lot more to say than that. I don't really speak car so I didn't get it all. But the bottom line: it was the end of the road for Lucy and me.

To look at Lucy, you'd think she was in great condition. It's what her outside communicated. I knew I had to put in more oil almost as much as gas, and that was a problem, but otherwise I had no indication she wasn't in perfect health.

I think if Jesus were to talk to the Pharisees today, he'd compare them to Lucy. In reality, he called them whitewashed tombs, a more culturally relevant metaphor back then. All pretty on the outside, but dead on the inside. Lucy's well-cared for exterior was a facade, a deception, covering the decay and rot in the part of her that really mattered: her engine.

Religion can do that to us. That's why Jesus thought the Pharisees were whitewashed tombs. Their religion made them look all good and holy and righteous. But true righteousness isn't about showing off how perfect you are. It's about a heart and a passion for God. That's the engine. And for the Pharisees, it was as dead as Lucy's.

I want to be so much more than an empty shell. I don't want my life to be a deception covering up decay. I want to be beautiful where it really counts: in my heart.

Christlike

Lately I've been thinking about personality versus character. When I was driving to a bar on a Friday night for a friend's birthday party at 8:00, I had a prematurely old moment when I thought to myself, "I can't believe I'm leaving my house after 8 pm."

But I don't think it's so much that I'm prematurely old as it is that I'm just not a go-out kind of person. I'm much more content to curl up with a book or a good TV show than I am to hang out with a bunch of people. I mean, I like to hang out with people one-on-one sometimes. But on a typical night you'll find me at home on the couch, and that's just where I want to be.

There is nothing better or worse about being an introvert vs. an extrovert. I think with both, you need balance. (Introverts need to be with people sometimes, even if it drains them, because community is important. Extroverts may be drained by being alone, but it's important for reflection and prayer.)

And there are a million other examples of personality traits that are totally separate from character virtues. What your hobbies are, what you're passionate about, what you're good at.

Which got me thinking about what it really means to be Christlike. Because I think sometimes it is hard to separate Jesus' character from his personality. He was a public figure. He was often with crowds. This didn't seem to overwhelm him, even if it sometimes was a sacrifice when what he really wanted was a little alone time. I would venture to say Jesus was an extrovert. Does that mean I need to get up on a mountain and preach? No. Does it mean I need to be compassionate? Yes. Does my compassion have to be amidst a large crowd? No.

What do you think? What are some lines you'd draw between Jesus' character and his personality?