An anonymous poster put this comment on my blog, Fault.
Ali - I only know about the situation what I've seen here but it doesn't sound like people are judging you, it sounds more like friends offering accountability to me. Which is an amazing thing that you have friends that care about you so much that they'll offer the 'tough love' that's needed sometimes in life. At least that's my assumption to what is happening..again I only know what I've read here.
Which is fine, this person admits to having a very limited view of the situation. The person didn't know that the two others who commented before him aren't even people I know in real life. (Although I didn't really take their comments to be judgment or accountability anyway.)
But it got me thinking about what accountability really is. And how it seems like Christians are often eager to hold people accountable, even if they haven't made much of an effort to care about the person before that person did something to be viewed as a wicked sinner.
I'm all for friends holding me accountable. I know who I can go to when I just want to hear encouragement and support no matter how wrong I know I am, and I know who I can go to when I need people who will be honest and tell it like it is. I've welcomed the latter from good friends throughout my life, and most recently in regards to my divorce.
What I'm not for is people popping into your life just to "hold you accountable." That isn't accountability, in my mind. It's judgment. No matter how lovingly it's said. If you never cared about having or maintaining a relationship with me before, you don't have a right to criticize my decisions now. Because chances are, I'm not going to want to get into the specifics with you. You haven't earned my trust. And so you will always be "holding me accountable" from a blinded viewpoint, without all the information.
If you want to earn the right to hold someone accountable if and when they do mess up, don't wait for them to mess up. Be a caring friend in the first place. If you haven't done that, trust that their real friends have covered the accountability with them.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Accountability
Posted by Ali Thompson at 10:17 PM
Labels: accountability, friendship, judgment
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3 comments:
I want to *like* this whole post. I completely agree. And, I generally don't think the comment section of a blog is the best/appropriate place to truly hold someone accountable anyways. I think a lot of the time people need support more than accountability in many situations too. I've been seeing this around the blog world lately. And, usually by the time people are posting about things the situation is already said and done. And, what they need at that point is support which is what I think the Christian thing to do is anyways.
true story right there.
Yes. I think the notion of accountability as we most commonly see it in the church-- an intervening of believers who 'know better' to convict you of what the Holy Spirit has clearly been slacking off on, is a church culture-contrived mindset that we should all shirk. There may be appropriate times for close, lifelong friends to have hard discussions with close friends, but those discussions ought to lead those people to becoming even better friends. Giving it a churchy label like "accountability" is just a way to give yourself permission to judge and be destructive.
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