Initiative

A friend of mine recently posted as her status something about how much she appreciates when friends take the initiative to do things with her. She noted that her own insecurities often prevent her from taking the initiative, and she really appreciates it when other people do it.

I could really identify with a lot of that. I've often taken the role of initiator in my relationships, being the one to suggest that a friend and I get together. Or especially in college, when people so often would say, "We should do lunch sometime" and nothing would ever come of it. If anyone ever said "we should do lunch sometime" to me, I'd say, "How's Tuesday at 11:30?" I hated leaving these vague and unofficial plans hanging because they usually amounted to nothing.

I realize that sounds like the opposite of identifying with my friend's status. But hear me out.

Because I've so often taken that role of initiator, that's become my role and my role alone in some relationships. And while I don't mind initiating spending time with people, when I'm the only one doing it in relationship it feels so one-sided. And I start to wonder, "Does this person really want to spend time with me? Or are they just saying yes because they don't know how to let me down gently?"

So when a friend takes the initiative to ask ME to do something, it means SO much to me. It tells me that yes, that person DOES want to spend time with me. And that gives me the confidence to pursue the friendship more and to be a better friend to that person. For me, taking initiative to spend time with people has to be a two way street or the friendship fizzles out in my own insecurities. (Which are only confirmed when I cease to take initiative and the person doesn't seem to notice or care.)

I think I sometimes exude this sense of self-confidence. And it's true to an extent - I'm secure in who I am. I'm not going to change who I am to fit in. But when it comes to relationships, I really struggle with insecurity and wondering if that person really truly likes me.