Best of Blogs #11

Paranoia, Paranoia, Everybody's Coming to Get Me, originally posted 7/26/06.

Even though I am a bluntly honest person, there's always this fear within me in relationships that if I'm really my true self, it won't be long before the other person in the relationship decides I'm simply not worth it. Namely because that's how it's always worked for me before. So I've been myself, but also a little bit guarded, not wanting to be unattractive.

I felt that insecurity today for the first time with Dan. He's been so good at affirming me that those fears had fallen away, and I'd been so comfortable to be myself with no fear that it would scare him off. But sooner or later, we all have to face our fears, and so this evening I spent a good deal of time being irrationally afraid that because of one silly little comment I had made he was going to stop liking me.

Thankfully, he's better than that. So we talked about our fears and he helped me to feel comfortable to be myself again - because he likes the whole me, quirks and all. I really believe that through his unconditional love, he is going to teach me to conquer those insecurities.