Best of Blogs #2

The Porcelain Doll That Sits on The Toy Store Shelf, originally posted 2/8/06. My maid-of-honor read part of this as her toast at my wedding. :)

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In recent years I've had a lot of people tell me that I'm a really quality girl, and any guy would be lucky to have me, and any guy who isn't dating me is an idiot. I've been told this by girls, and I've been told it by guys. And even though I know they mean well, it hurts to hear that from all sorts of people, especially when I hear it from guys, and yet wonder when there will be someone who really believes that they would be lucky to be with me. I've even expressed this sentiment and gotten a response of more "you'll be a great wife" type comments. I don't mean to put the people who say such things in a bad light. Of course they are being nice, and trying to speak truth to me in the midst of my insecurity. It's just that it doesn't feel true to always hear it and only live it with boys that pull my tail and whose noses I have to bite. (You'll get that by the end of this blog.)

I feel like a porcelain doll on a toy store shelf that everyone comes in and marvels over, but no one actually wants to buy. Maybe they are afraid I'm too fragile and they'll break me. I don't know. But I feel like this metaphor came to me from some book I read as a child. So tonight I looked at my kids books and tried to find it. I couldn't find the one I was thinking of, but I did read one that I really resonated with.

It's a book that had a very different meaning to me as a child:

It goes like this:

How do you do? My name is Barney Beagle. I live in a pet shop. These are my friends. We have a pretty good time here. I like the pet shop. But I do not want to stay here. I want to live in a house - with a boy. I am waiting for the right boy. I hope he comes soon.

Here comes a boy now. Is he MY boy? I hope so. No, he is Boxer's boy. Anyone can see THAT. [Note: if you see the illustrations, all the customers look very much like the dogs that they buy.] The boy has to pay for Boxer. Now he's taking Boxer home. They look so happy. Good-by Boxer!

I wish MY boy would come. Here comes someone! Is it MY boy? I hope so. No, it's a girl. She's Poodle's girl. Anyone can see THAT. The girl has to pay for Poodle. Now she is taking Poodle home with her. How happy they look. Good-by, Poodle!

I do hope MY boy comes soon. Someone is coming now! Maybe it's MY boy! No, it's a man. I think I know the dog he wants. Yes, it's Sheepdog. Anyone can see THAT. The man has to pay for Sheepdog. Now they are going home. They do look happy. Good-by, Sheepdog.

I wonder when MY boy will come? Every day some boys and girls come to the pet shop. Every day some more dogs go home with their boys and girls. How happy they all look! Where is MY boy? Where can he be?

Today there are just two of us in the pet shop. Me, Barney Beagle, and my friend Spot. We are still waiting. Here comes someone right now. Here comes a boy! Maybe, maybe, MAYBE he is MY boy! No, he is Spot's boy. Anyone can see THAT. The boy has to pay for Spot. Now he is taking Spot home with him. They look so happy. Good-by, Spot. Good-by.

Now all my friends are gone. Now I am all alone. It's no fun to be here all alone. I wish MY boy would come. Someone is coming now! It's a boy! Maybe - at last - No, it's not MY boy. Anyone can see THAT. [The boy is pulling Barney's tail, etc.] Stop that! Go away! Let go of me! Stop that! This boy wants me. But I do not want him. He wants to take me home. But I will not go with him. [At this point Barney Beagle bites the boy's nose.] THERE! The boy is mad. But I am glad. I am glad to see him go. But I do not like it here all alone.

I hope MY boy will come for me. It is very late. The man wants to go home. I will be all alone tonight. I guess MY boy will never come. Someone is coming! I do not want to look. Maybe, maybe, MAYBE...It IS a boy! It is MY boy! Anyone can see THAT. I'm so happy to see you! You took so long to come! Now he has to pay for me. Then he will take me home.

Let's go. Let's go. Come on! Come on! Why don't we go home? The man is looking at the money. "You need more money," he tells my boy. My boy looks very sad. "That is all the money I have," He cannot pay for me! He cannot take me home! "Please?" says my boy. "He's a very small dog." The man looks at me. He looks at my boy. He thinks and thinks and thinks. Then he laughs. "Yes," he says. "Barney is a very small dog. And I do want to sell him before I go home. Yes, you can have him." Hooray! Hooray! I have my boy at last! "Come on, Barney," says my boy. "Let's go home." Good-by, pet shop. Good-by, pet shop man. I'm going home with My boy!

I think, given my previous blogs and my musings before this story, the point is clear.