Update on Life, originally posted 7/17/08. What you need to know is that right after I decided to trust God and make this healthy decision - 9 days after I made the decision, in fact - that "something more" job opened up at the company I wanted to someday work for - Group! Sometimes trusting God means letting go before you know what his next step is for you. So this blog was written in between making my decision and finding the opening at Group.
I always try to be ambiguous when I talk about my job, just in case any creepy stalker people are reading my blog and want to hunt me down. But if you know me and where I work, you should be able to follow along.
Back in March I received notice that due to budget cuts, they were taking away part of my current job and giving me something new, something which I had absolutely no passion or heart for. It's not that it was unimportant, it just wasn't...me.
But since it was either that or unemployment, I stayed on. I figured I'd give it a try, see what happened. Who knew? As many people pointed out, maybe I'd figure out I actually loved my new job! Or so they said. Since May 1st when the new position started, I've been finding myself getting depressed, constantly stressed out, and with very little drive for life. In other words, not me at all. If you know me...really know me...you know I am a very optimistic, happy, high-energy person. Or was. Dan has wondered where that Ali has gone.
Then this Sunday I heard someone talk about identity. I realized too much of my identity was wrapped up in what I do. Namely because I spend so much time there, and so many facets of my life besides work are wrapped up in my place of work, and it's hard to separate the two. So I started to think more seriously about stepping down from the new part of my job. It wasn't just what I wanted to do deep down but knew wasn't practical anymore. It was something I thought would really be a good step towards a healthy emotional life. It was a serious consideration.
On Monday I talked to one of my bosses about whether or not I could go part time and just keep the stuff I used to do. He said he'd be fine with that, if I decided to do that for sure. He'd have to get it approved if I decided that was what I wanted to do. I still was debating.
On Tuesday, I was looking ahead toward a future assignment for my new job and found myself feeling totally overwhelmed. Pretty soon I was curled up in the fetal position in a dark corner of an unused room, weeping. And I realized that that's exactly where I was my first week of my new job. Then and there I decided, curled up hiding from it all and thinking about running away was not where I wanted to stay any longer. It had been almost 3 months, and nothing had changed. At least not for the better.
So I found my other boss and talked to her about my decision. Only this time, it wasn't an "is this possible, hypothetically" discussion. It was an "is this possible, because this is my decision," discussion. She checked with the powers-that-be and it turned out, it was possible. So on Tuesday afternoon around 4, it was made official. As of August 15th, I will be a part time employee doing just the stuff I've loved all along.
Some people don't think it's practical. Can Dan and I afford to live with half of my income gone? What if I don't find another part time job to fill in the gap? Others have congratulated me, knowing how hard it is to make the healthy decision at the risk of financial instability.
Me? I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I feel like God is already blessing me in my decision, and I've already gotten a freelance offer to write for a company I really love and want to work for full time someday. It's just one project, but who knows...it could lead to more! I've also found a potential part time job that I'm really hopeful about...it sounds like a ton of fun and I'd get to actually play with children!
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