Church

I've really been struggling with this whole church thing. I blogged last week about how sermons bore me...how sitting passively just doesn't help me learn.

And since then I've been doing a lot of thinking about church. Dan and I love our church. We love the people. We love the authenticity - that's a big one. We love that it's not this big production. We love the general feel of God in the place. We love our couple's group.

But our couple's group only meets every other week. And we often don't get around to talking about the Bible. Which is fine, because we always have fun and good conversations. But it's just not a place for me to feel spiritually fed on a regular basis. And I fear that as more and more of the people in our group become parents, we'll become the odd ones out, holding back the group from doing parenting type things that they want and need to do. Maybe I'm wrong. But I feel like eventually we'll have to pull out of that group.

So I looked into a women's small group. But the only option I could find seems to be more large group-ish than small group-ish. And it's lecture based. Which is exactly what I'm trying to get away from. I think there might be other options if I didn't have a job...but I do. And again if it was during the work day, I'd probably be with all stay-at-home moms and be the odd woman out with no kids. So I'm not feeling like there's any weekly small group that's a good fit for me.

So, Dan and I talked about continuing to go to our couple's group but maybe I find another church to get plugged in with small groups. Which I'll probably do. But I wonder how that will impact our ministry at our church. We're excited to serve there. But will they let us with such minimal involvement in the church? I don't know.

The early church had preaching, it's true. But that wasn't the core of the church. The core of the church - what made it grow, what made it powerful - was the relationship building. It was that they lived together, ate together, supported each other, grew in faith together, shared their possessions, lived out faith together. It wasn't about going to church an hour a week and listening to someone talk. And somewhere since then, we've taken what I think is probably the least important aspect of the early church and made that the primary aspect of today's church.

I want to grow close to God. I want to do it in community with others. And I'm really frustrated and struggling to find a way to do that.