Best of Blogs #20

What I Learned at Kids Kamp, originally posted 9/20/08 - the day after I accepted my job at Group. This one was REALLY long so I abbreviated it.

Here's the update, then I'll go into what I learned at Kids Kamp: Dan and I are moving to Colorado. I got a job with Group Publishing as a Curriculum Editor. We are totally psyched (although Buttercup senses something big is happening and seemed a little bit on edge last night).

When times were hard [in my previous job], I didn't turn to God. I was mad at Him for taking away what I loved, and especially for giving me this terrible new job. It was a horrible fit for me, and I didn't understand what the heck God was thinking. So I didn't even want to talk to Him.

Here's the part I left out until now: nine days after I told my boss I was stepping down from the nursery, my dream job in Colorado opened up. I'd visited in May and knew there would be an opening eventually, but it wasn't supposed to happen for another few months. It felt like God was saying, "Okay, you took the step of faith that I would provide for you. Here, have the opportunity of your dreams."

Then Kids Kamp came. I was excited about Kamp, and I was excited about life again. But I wasn't totally excited about God. I was beginning to see that maybe He'd had a plan for me this whole time, that He'd been loosening me up at Elmbrook so that He could move me somewhere else. But it wasn't official yet, so I didn't want to totally commit to Him again.

It didn't take long for God to speak to me at Kids Kamp. The teaching was about David, and on the first night Brodie played a song that said, "David he chased God's own heart; all I ever seem to chase is me." Wow...did that convict me. I hadn't been chasing God at all, but I had very much been chasing myself. My love for God had become conditional on whether or not I was happy with what He was doing in my life...when really I could only see a foot in front of me, and He could see the big picture.

Here's an excerpt of what I wrote in my journal that week:

"I really want to chase after God, not myself and not even Group. If I don't get it, rather than reacting like I've been for the past few months about everything that's been going on at Elmbrook, I still want to be able to say that I trust God and I know that He is using this to bring about good...even if I don't know what it is yet! It's a hard thing to lay my dream of working at Group on the altar and say, "Yes, I will trust You even if I don't get this job," but this week I want to learn to do that."

That night, I gave myself back to God. I realized that He had a much bigger plan than I had ever considered, whether or not Group was a part of that plan. I was determined to trust in God no matter what the outcome of my application to Group was, or when I would ever know what God was up to. And I've held on to that determination ever since. I knew I'd be sad, and I'd cry, if I was rejected...but I knew that I would hold on to God this time.

I think it was important for me to give all this to God before I got the job. Maybe I would have gotten it either way...but I'd rather go into it with a heart for God and a desire to serve Him.

It really is true what Romans 8:28 says, that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose. It's just that with our limited line of vision, we can't always see the good work God is up to. When we go through hard times, it's hard to remember that God is doing something good even in the midst of it.

One song we sang a lot at Kids Kamp was "Our God is Up to Something Good." I loved that song, especially with everything God had been teaching me, because I realized it was always true. And I loved how the word "something" was so ambigious. He's up to something good. I don't know what, but I can trust that it's something good. Because our God is good.